Loss of DH

[lpereira]

If you need a Disney buddy my mother is in the parks weekly. Often times solo. Tag me and I'll arrange a meet up.

 

[HIRyeDVC]

So sorry for your loss. Praying for peace and joy for the next chapter of your life.

 

[Mousemom234]

@Mousemom234 Thank you for the great advice.

Entirely welcome. Any time you need a shoulder, or an ear, feel free to contact me.

I am not contagious. Some people think I should be all over it by now and have lost patience with me. Well, I have lost patience with them. This is my life and I can grieve how I need to and how long I need to.

Damn right. We're members of the club nobody wants to be in, and others have no right to pass judgment until they've joined too.

<snip..> I love NH and that would be a nice place. But, we have agreed that I should be near them as I get older. My area does not have the type of community that you have. There are assisted living places that have higher levels of care as you need them. There are 55+ communities that are just residential. I would prefer a place where people of all ages live but will not rule out a 55+ community if I find the right place.

I agree - NH is nice. (And the taxes are better). I was living in Salem, NH when my world fell apart; my folks lived in Haverhill, MA. We use to visit the Conway area a lot, mostly Bartlett and Jackson.
There are extended communities in Mass - we looked at a few, but wanted to move South cause we were sick of winters
If you're interested in looking deeper, look for Life Plan communities, and CCRC's too. Different names, same idea. You can always research info, then decide IF it might be what you need. If not now, maybe in the future. The other nice thing about a place like this, is that it gives your kids something they don't have to worry about.
Ross and I looked online at a lot of places, and were planning to visit some. Where I ended up wasn't even on our list.
The one I'm in, I'd say is mainly residential, but does have a section for assisted living, and care beyond that. The difference here, which is a major difference, is that there isn't a humungeous entry fee. Not in the usual sense. I DID buy my house (for less than I sold my old one for), but it's mine, and I can re-sell it and move any time I want to. There was a small fee to 'buy in' and I pay a small fee each month, which covers a whole bunch of things. Not the "give us your life savings, your firstborn & the keys to your bank" type of fees that some places asked for.

I do have one question. Chris and I loved to travel and thankfully did alot since the kids left home. I am glad we did not put it off. I have thought about traveling alone to places, especially Disney. Have you done any trips? My friends are not big Disney people or cruise people and I enjoy both. One friend will do trips to North Conway and one wants to go to Denali like me. Other than that it looks like if I want to go to Disney after my family trip this Fall I will have to go it alone.

We travelled a lot, too. And I've gone a few places by myself, in the past.
We were going to Disney in 2019, scheduled for a couple of weeks after the disaster really began. Room, passes, plane, rental - all taken care of, suitcase half packed...
Then when Ross said he really didn't think he could this time, I was just going to go alone - in fact, he encouraged me to. Something just made me feel I shouldn't, at almost the last minute.

But to answer... Not yet.
I haven't gathered up my courage to take a trip alone. I'm still processing loss and grief, and nowhere near as stable as I pretend to be. I try to hide it, when I'm out in public.
But right now, going on vacation by myself practically scares the outta me.
I've thought about travelling again, but between 'the plague', moving a thousand miles, and wondering *** happened to my life, I just can't get up the ambition to plan a Disney trip - yet. I still have unused tickets and Visa Reward $ <sigh>. I've also thought about maybe taking a cruise. That's something I've never done. Someday... I need to start small.

I am glad you have found the right place for you. I like the idea of making lunch dates with myself and shopping dates. I really appreciate your insight. Thank you.

Anytime.

 

[Snowysmom]

It has been awhile since I posted and I have been very busy. I just wanted to update things a bit and writing things out helps me at bit.

I sold my house. I was looking at condos and was mainly looking at town houses. A condo came on the market in a town 2 towns over from me. However it was one floor so I was going to pass it by. A voice in my head said, go look at it. I said no, and the voice told me to go look at it, that it wouldn't hurt. So I made an appt with my realtor and my DDIL came with me. It is top floor, 1325 square feet, mixed age complex, it does not look like an apt, and had lots of nice touches. DDIL loved it. I was not really looking for one floor but it was nice. Next day younger DS and a good friend came back with me and they loved it. My friend said she would have bought it if it had been available when she was looking. Long and short, I bought it even though it is one floor. I do like the complex being mixed age while my building in 55+, there are nice walkways for walking around the area, there is a heated garage space that comes with the condo, and I am 15 minutes away from younger DS. I know it is a place DH would want me in with security and being top floor. However, I am having trouble living alone and not sure this is my kind of condo. It could be because I am not with Chris and I am living alone so maybe no place would work right now. I am giving it time before I say I want to look for something else because moving is stressful. I am also second guessing staying in the area where Chris and I lived our married life. There are stores that I cannot go into without crying and having to leave. I wonder if I should have moved out to older Ds's area. But, I need to be near work and my office is moving to about 5 minutes from where I am now living so that works out. I cannot commute from older DS's area to my new office unless I want a one and a half hour commute one way the 2 days a week I would be in the office. No thanks. Once I retire I may rethink where I live but that is a bit down the road.

A new grandson was born into younger DS's family in May. His middle name is Christopher after DH. Younger DS now has 2 girls and 2 boys while older DS has 2 boys. Chris would have loved another grandchild. Our family is going to WDW in October, all 11 of us. We are staying at the Polynesian. I am going to try some alone time in the parks when the families go back to the resort to go to the pool. I want to see if I can do alone time in the parks for future solo trips. My friends are not interested in going to Disney. One of my friends went to North Conway, NH with me in May. Chris and I used to go every year in the Fall. While I did the drive fine and was able to stay there for 3 nights it was tough. Everything reminded me of Chris. I was in stonewall kitchen when the song Beach Baby came on. ]That was popular when we were dating and we used to sing along to it. So I am in the store crying and singing along to the song while my friend is hugging me. I must have looked like a crazy person. I am giving North Conway a break for the time being. I hope I don't lose WDW for vacations as it was my happy place and Chris and I went alot as well as taking the kids. I am hoping to be able to continue to go.

The past 10 months have been filled with transitions, wedding anniversary, birthdays, holidays, and going back several steps in the grieving process. My therapist tells me that is to be expected with all that I have done. I am dreading the one year anniversary in Sept and wonder how I am going to make it through that time. I miss Chris more than I could ever imagine. I get up every day, put one foot in front of the other, and just hope God helps me through the day. I used to love the Fall with the change of leaves and our North Conway trip but now it is a season to struggle through.

Sorry for the long post. I appreciate it if you got this far.
Thanks.

 

[LuvOrlando]

it's always tough to find a path on a road no-one would choose but you are doing a fantastic job.

 

[AnnaS]

Baby steps........

 

[Dan Murphy]

It's good to see you here, @Snowysmom , and giving this update. And wow, you have been busy, you've done so much Congratulations on your new grandson, Christopher. 's . A new condo too. I like that one floor idea, our split level is getting tiring. A WDW trip planned for a few months from with the whole family. You will do well, happy memories, sad memories, but memories that are with you for a lifetime.

I get up every day, put one foot in front of the other, and just hope God helps me through the day.

This is the best, Snowy. Keep that up, you can't go wrong.

God bless, you are doing well.

 

[TLSnell1981]

It has been awhile since I posted and I have been very busy. I just wanted to update things a bit and writing things out helps me at bit.

I sold my house. I was looking at condos and was mainly looking at town houses. A condo came on the market in a town 2 towns over from me. However it was one floor so I was going to pass it by. A voice in my head said, go look at it. I said no, and the voice told me to go look at it, that it wouldn't hurt. So I made an appt with my realtor and my DDIL came with me. It is top floor, 1325 square feet, mixed age complex, it does not look like an apt, and had lots of nice touches. DDIL loved it. I was not really looking for one floor but it was nice. Next day younger DS and a good friend came back with me and they loved it. My friend said she would have bought it if it had been available when she was looking. Long and short, I bought it even though it is one floor. I do like the complex being mixed age while my building in 55+, there are nice walkways for walking around the area, there is a heated garage space that comes with the condo, and I am 15 minutes away from younger DS. I know it is a place DH would want me in with security and being top floor. However, I am having trouble living alone and not sure this is my kind of condo. It could be because I am not with Chris and I am living alone so maybe no place would work right now. I am giving it time before I say I want to look for something else because moving is stressful. I am also second guessing staying in the area where Chris and I lived our married life. There are stores that I cannot go into without crying and having to leave. I wonder if I should have moved out to older Ds's area. But, I need to be near work and my office is moving to about 5 minutes from where I am now living so that works out. I cannot commute from older DS's area to my new office unless I want a one and a half hour commute one way the 2 days a week I would be in the office. No thanks. Once I retire I may rethink where I live but that is a bit down the road.

A new grandson was born into younger DS's family in May. His middle name is Christopher after DH. Younger DS now has 2 girls and 2 boys while older DS has 2 boys. Chris would have loved another grandchild. Our family is going to WDW in October, all 11 of us. We are staying at the Polynesian. I am going to try some alone time in the parks when the families go back to the resort to go to the pool. I want to see if I can do alone time in the parks for future solo trips. My friends are not interested in going to Disney. One of my friends went to North Conway, NH with me in May. Chris and I used to go every year in the Fall. While I did the drive fine and was able to stay there for 3 nights it was tough. Everything reminded me of Chris. I was in stonewall kitchen when the song Beach Baby came on. ]That was popular when we were dating and we used to sing along to it. So I am in the store crying and singing along to the song while my friend is hugging me. I must have looked like a crazy person. I am giving North Conway a break for the time being. I hope I don't lose WDW for vacations as it was my happy place and Chris and I went alot as well as taking the kids. I am hoping to be able to continue to go.

The past 10 months have been filled with transitions, wedding anniversary, birthdays, holidays, and going back several steps in the grieving process. My therapist tells me that is to be expected with all that I have done. I am dreading the one year anniversary in Sept and wonder how I am going to make it through that time. I miss Chris more than I could ever imagine. I get up every day, put one foot in front of the other, and just hope God helps me through the day. I used to love the Fall with the change of leaves and our North Conway trip but now it is a season to struggle through.

Sorry for the long post. I appreciate it if you got this far.
Thanks.

 

[ramee]

I just joined the club

I may make my own posting if and when I’m ready to share. But it’s been comforting to read through this thread while I search for understanding. Hopefully all who has lost someone is doing as well as they can be.

 

[mom2rtk]

I just joined the club

I may make my own posting if and when I’m ready to share. But it’s been comforting to read through this thread while I search for understanding. Hopefully all who has lost someone is doing as well as they can be.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Hugs to you as you navigate this tremendous loss.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I just joined the club

I may make my own posting if and when I’m ready to share. But it’s been comforting to read through this thread while I search for understanding. Hopefully all who has lost someone is doing as well as they can be.

I just joined the club

I may make my own posting if and when I’m ready to share. But it’s been comforting to read through this thread while I search for understanding. Hopefully all who has lost someone is doing as well as they can be.

Very sorry to hear this, ramee. God speed for your husband, prayers and blessings for you, family and friends. A day at a time, take it one day at a time. 's

 

[ramee]

Thank you both so much for your kind words. I wanted to share my thoughts about this thread in the moment but I didn’t intend to highjack it. I’m very sorry snowysmom if it is upsetting to have this resurface after so long. I have been starting to feel like I want to blurt out to everyone about how much I’m hurting but also still kind of guarded.

Thank you again. I appreciate the condolences.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Thank you both so much for your kind words. I wanted to share my thoughts about this thread in the moment but I didn’t intend to highjack it. I’m very sorry snowysmom if it is upsetting to have this resurface after so long. I have been starting to feel like I want to blurt out to everyone about how much I’m hurting but also still kind of guarded.

Thank you again. I appreciate the condolences.

's

 

[mom2rtk]

Thank you both so much for your kind words. I wanted to share my thoughts about this thread in the moment but I didn’t intend to highjack it. I’m very sorry snowysmom if it is upsetting to have this resurface after so long. I have been starting to feel like I want to blurt out to everyone about how much I’m hurting but also still kind of guarded.

Thank you again. I appreciate the condolences.

 

[mommasita]

Thank you both so much for your kind words. I wanted to share my thoughts about this thread in the moment but I didn’t intend to highjack it. I’m very sorry snowysmom if it is upsetting to have this resurface after so long. I have been starting to feel like I want to blurt out to everyone about how much I’m hurting but also still kind of guarded.

Thank you again. I appreciate the condolences.

Sending you a lot of love @ramee

Grief really sends us into a tailspin, we hurt and long to be who we were before. When and if you are ready, we are here for you on whatever thread you choose

 

[Snowysmom]

@ramee So sorry for your loss. It is not a club anyone wants to be in. It is a roller coaster ride for me. I can't believe it has been 2 and half years since Chris passed. It has been challenging. Have you thought about talking with a grief therapist? I still see my therapist. I also have some good friends who are there for me. I understand wanting to talk about your grief and yet being guarded. Just take it one second, one minute at a time. Some days that is all I can do and other days it is easier. I do recommend a book when you are ready. It's OK that you're not OK by Megan Devine.

Take care of yourself. Please let those close to you help you however you need it. Just let them know. And if you just need quiet time to be with yourself, do that too. Do whatever you need to do at the moment to get through.

 

[ramee]

@ramee So sorry for your loss. It is not a club anyone wants to be in. It is a roller coaster ride for me. I can't believe it has been 2 and half years since Chris passed. It has been challenging. Have you thought about talking with a grief therapist? I still see my therapist. I also have some good friends who are there for me. I understand wanting to talk about your grief and yet being guarded. Just take it one second, one minute at a time. Some days that is all I can do and other days it is easier. I do recommend a book when you are ready. It's OK that you're not OK by Megan Devine.

Take care of yourself. Please let those close to you help you however you need it. Just let them know. And if you just need quiet time to be with yourself, do that too. Do whatever you need to do at the moment to get through.

Thank you. It really is day by day and so many other cliches that I could never begin to understand until now.

It’s a lot to navigate. He’s the only person I want with us in all of this.

I’m fortunate to have plenty of support, so far. I can set up grief counseling through his job and I will look into that book

I’m glad you are still taking care of yourself. Thank you for all “listening”.

Edited personal details.

 

[AnnaS]

I posted on this thread myself and find myself in this situation now. I can't even believe I am typing this. I thought about starting my own thread. Married almost 42 years. Still cannot believe it and I can't imagine my life without my husband. Life will never be the same.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I posted on this thread myself and find myself in this situation now. I can't even believe I am typing this. I thought about starting my own thread. Married almost 42 years. Still cannot believe it and I can't imagine my life without my husband. Life will never be the same.

As with others here, Anna, so very sorry to hear of your husband's passing. My condolences to you, your family, your friends. God speed for him, prayers are with you all. I just said above, a day at a time, no more, just, one, day. 's

 

[Snowysmom]

Anna I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family. Words can never express the tremendous loss. One minute, one hour, one day at a time.