Okay Fort Friends... Need Help w/Teenager!

[HappyCamper87]

Okay, I talked w/her guidance counsoler and two of her teachers so far. They were very helpful and gave me some good ideas on how I might be able to help her do better.

There are teachers websites this year that the two teachers I talked with update daily. So, at 6:00 every night JJ and I will have a meeting and go over the days assignements and homework. If she says she did it already, which is the standard answer, I can e-mail the teacher and tell them - she told me it was done.

So, even though I sort of think it is ridiculous that she cannot follow assignments on her own, it may help if I'm more involved in the whole process. Through middle school I had to depend on Her writing down the assignments and then I would check. Of course most of the time the assignments were never written down.

Anyway, I'm feel much more positive about the situation now and I think we may be on the right track.

Thanks again for all the support.

Best Wishes.

 

[allisophie]

my 17 was like this her freshman year... It was tough.. therapists,grounding etc.. Her therapist wanted her to take meds and DD chose not to.We were all at our wits end...
That summer she had the chance of a lifetime to go to Italy w my mom and her best friends family... so even tho DH and I totally disagreed on it, we sent her.. strange.. she was gone for 18 days.. wow was she changed when she came home ..she was like a whole new person..She us and aplogized for being a brat etc.. we were like

Now I know most people can't afford to send their child away.. but I think what helped us was she was away from her "clique" she had experienced a new culture and for once she didn't take everything for granted..

She has a new group of friends and is involed in art and drama a bunch of clubs at school and now even volunteers at Church on the nights we have PSR.

we try to live by the one day at a time rule in this house.. so far it's working

 

[AuburnJen92]

I also know of a girl that got a softball scholarship to the University of FL. She struggled and didn't make it through the 1st semester there. After testing, they found out she had dyslexia. She had struggled al her life and they only found her dyslexia when she was 19. I know you mention testing her for ADD and several things, but have they tested her for dyslexia?

This actually happens often. My sister found out she was dyslexic at Auburn when she was a freshman in prearchitecture. Go figure, the drafting department figures it out for her...

 

[juligrl]

Thank you for sharing your experiences everyone. I needed the support tonight.

She is pretty good at cheerleading and I have hoped that might motivate her to do well because she would have to keep her grades up, but she flat out ignored her coach so I can't think that is going to help at this point.

I must say, my DH is a stay at home dad and we keep a pretty tight reign on her. I do not think drugs are involved and she is a pretty good kid just doesn't want to take responsibility for anything.

I am probably going to take her out of cheerleading because it is costing me a lot of money that I don't really have and if she is not going to make any effort why should I? When I asked her if she wanted to be off the team she said she didn't care.

I really think she thinks she can just smile and cute her way through anything in life and I certainly have not teached her that. Also got a failing grade notice already and we're only two weeks into the school year.

She is full-on grounded, no phone, no computer, no going anywhere until she starts to show some form of responsibility. Honestly, if she doesn't start making any effort in school I think she should get her GED and go to work and get a taste of real life. Why spend four more years doing nothing, passing the required state test and being promoted on?

Anyway, thanks for your input. And your warm thoughts are much appreciated.

I had a friend back in high school you could have just been describing. Academia simply wasn't for her. Fortunately our school also partnered with a very good vo-tech school which she opted to go to for cosmetology. She now has her own salon and is doing quite well for herself. The school thing just wasn't for her, but the cosmetology thing was a perfect fit. If your school offers any vo-tech programs that might be worth looking into.

 

[lisa8200]

Just wanted to post again and say first off, I re-read my earlier post and thought I may have come off wrong. The overall premis of what I said may have been what I was thinking but, I think I could have worded it different. It sounds like you are taking a lot of steps in the right directon and it sounds like if something can be done, that you will find the way. Really wanting to help is always a key element I would think.

 

[Shan-man]

I just wanted to commiserate and to share a little hope. We went through the same thing with my stepson. He was never a stellar student (though certainly capable), but middle- and high-school got progressively worse as his interest waned. He eventually dropped out of high-school. His rebellion at home got so bad we had to kick him out. So at 18 he was on his own, with no real education, working in a steakhouse. He decided to make some changes for himself and got his GED. After that he talked his way into a junior college, entering on a probationary status. After doing well there, he transferred to a local university. This last June, at age 27, he earned his bachelor's.

He is still working at the steakhouse, but now has a reasonable hope for more, and has learned the value of a good education and the personal responsibility for acquiring one. In that 9 years he got married, had a daughter, divorced, bought a house... that's a lot of life intervening into what should have been 4 years dedicated to his education. But there are all types of education. I guess the point I want to share is, that until you can find some way for her to motivate herself the results will be mixed at best... doing well for mom and dad only goes so far. Maybe sharing this story with her will make her want to avoid my SS's trail of tears. I pray it helps.

 

[HappyCamper87]

Just wanted to post again and say first off, I re-read my earlier post and thought I may have come off wrong. The overall premis of what I said may have been what I was thinking but, I think I could have worded it different. It sounds like you are taking a lot of steps in the right directon and it sounds like if something can be done, that you will find the way. Really wanting to help is always a key element I would think.

Lisa/Mike - No offense was taken. I took as you were trying to help by giving your thoughts. I hope you're right that wanting to help means something, it's got to be better than doing nothing, right? Anyway thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.


Shan-man, I know I should know your name but I'm just bad at remembering names. Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story of hope. And all prayers are welcome.

She came home with a bad progress report so she is grounded and she was out of cheerleading the day I wrote the first post.

We have an appointment every night to review homework assignments togther on most of her teacher's websites and I get grade warnings through another program through the county.

We have a long way to go but I'm going to give it my best effort. I think the light is coming on. It's dim, but I think she found the switch.

Have a great night.

 

[auntie]

Liz....I'm glad to hear your seeing a little bit of light. Kids..they sure don't make it easy do they. She may turn it around being that it's high school now, and there are more severe consequences to her not doing what she needs to do. Hang in there..you're doing a great job! She's lucky to have a mom like you.

 

[tinah159]

When my daughter was 15.5, the same thing happened. After grounding, taking things away from her and counseling we finally found a solution. We took her out of public school and enrolled her in a high school diploma corespondence school. I have to say that was the best thing we could have done. She has switched to honors classes and is flying thru. If you are interested I could give you more information. www.citizenshighschool.com

 

[cyberdeb]

Well I hate to say i have been there and done that twice now. Even if you have had her tested for learning disabilities and/or ADD, Depressions, etc., have her tested again. A second and third opinion never hurts. I had one son who is now 22 who could ace a test with 100% on any subject but would not do any homework whatsoever. He had severe ADHD and an IEP and we did everything humanley possible to help him, but he was not interested and never did graduate. He is now 22 and unemployed and haveing a very difficult time finding a job. He is living independently (who knows for how long) and had been working full time and has a "genius" level IQ, but couldnt be bothered to do any school work. Grounding, taking things away did not work. It only made him angrier and more defient. When you take any hope away, it makes things worse. His younger sister is now 16 and failed 4 classes in her freshman year. She has some mild reading disabilities and no matter how hard I keep track of everything, she still lies to me and tells me her work is done. I email the teachers weekly to be sure and sure enough, my first email of the year showed that she is still not doing her homework. I think at this point she will be told to quit her job and dance classes and we will then take away the phone. The internet is already gone. Otherwise she is a very good kid. She is not defient, she is polite, well behaved and otherwise a joy to be with. You may want to look into an alternative or private school. She may be very bored with things that are not challenging to her. A gifted child is also eligible for special education services. It sometimes just means being creative and thinking outside the box.