Pay for the person behind you trend? (chains)

[Heigh-Ho]

My comment basically meant I hope they accept it and enjoy it and don't feel pressured or obligated to pay for the order behind them because you paid for theirs.

I really don't think most people do. I don't think most people get themselves twisted up on the gesture. I know some do and I don't think they should feel this obligation, but I also think those who do tend to be in the minority. Perhaps those who end up feeling this pressure assume that many do but I think more often than not people think "oh that was really nice of them" (or something to that effect) and go about their day. They may pay it forward (or not it's totally up to them) in their own way some other time.

Specifically speaking about first responders and police officers I think they are used to this concept of people coming forward to pay for their meal or coffee or whatever. Didn't a person mention their relative does this? I know that's common enough and as a way to thank them for their service and I don't think they go in with that with the idea that now they must create a chain (admittedly these are just my own personal assumptions about first responders and police officers).

 

[sam_gordon]

That’s why I like to give to places likes food banks where i know for sure the recipients need the help.

So YOU get to decide who is allowed to benefit from someone's generosity?

Like I say it Doesn’t cost anything to give others a smile - open a door, let a car in front of you, et others go to the front of the line, etc.

So being nice to a stranger is ok as long as it doesn't involve money?

Kindness does not (have to) equal a monetary gesture.

Did anyone say it did?

IMO, the first person is generous and the rest are just agreeing to play a game they've been asked to participate in.

The employees trying to get the longest ever chain.

That's why I keep trying to find people who have been in one to see what was suggested to them. My guess is that employees are suggesting it.

I disagree with both of you. Unless you have evidence to the contrary (and there have been people on this thread who said they've been a part of these chains), I'm guessing the cars pull up to the pay window, are only told "the car in front of you paid for your order." There is no question or suggestion about you paying for the next car. If you don't want to participate, don't. If told the car in front of you paid for your order, simply say "Great! Have a good day." The people who paid won't know you did that. The people behind you won't know you did that. Only the employees would know. Why are you so worried about what the employees think of you?

 

[disykat]

I'm not worried what the employees think of me. I've never been in a chain, but would probably say no because I'd be holding my $3 of cash and nothing else. I'd probably be one who accepted it as gift, thought "isn't that nice" and drove away. I said my GUESS is that it is being suggested, based on 250+ in a row people doing so. I'm asking, NOT assuming. Every time I see an article (probably several times a year?) I wonder about this phenomenon.

My budget is pretty carefully planned, including my gift giving and charitable giving, so spontaneity isn't really my wheel house.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

I said my GUESS is that it is being suggested, based on 250+ in a row people doing so. I'm asking, NOT assuming. Every time I see an article (probably several times a year?) I wonder about this phenomenon.

[

I totally agree with you, if there is 250+ people in a row paying for the people behind them then the employees are mentioning it.

My husband ended a chain once! We were going through a toll a few days before Christmas. He had his dollar out to pay and the worker said that the person in front of him had paid his toll and it had been going on all day, 100's of people had been doing it. My husband didn't really grasp what was being said except that we didn't need to pay the toll, so he said, "oh okay, thanks" and drove off! Honestly, I felt bad that we didn't continue it, but after reading all of the responses today, I don't anymore!

A couple of years ago, someone paid for my order at Dunkin Donuts. It was a fun surprise.

My favorite surprise was a super simple one, but it made my day! Last December I had parked on the Main St. in a nearby city and went to the meter to put my coins in to pay to park for 30-minutes. Attached to the meter in a baggie was 3 quarters. The baggie was tied with a festive Holiday ribbon.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

My budget is pretty carefully planned, including my gift giving and charitable giving, so spontaneity isn't really my wheel house.

Then the concept isn't for you and that shouldn't be seen as a problem. You created a thread asking people to explain it to you, you just mentioned you've heard of it before through news articles which of course are going to be the extreme versions of things (maybe that plays into your viewpoint maybe not) and then you say your budget is so planned out that there's no room for spontaneity in the terms of financial contributions that haven't been pre-planned and laid out by you in advance.

I guess at the end of the day I'm confused why you created the thread when you seem to know about the practice and simply just don't like it as in it's not your cup of tea (which of course it's not everyone's cup of tea), I'm not sure why you want to know the ins and outs of something you don't plan on doing because you don't agree with it, don't want to engage with at all and you don't have the finances to contribute in a spontaneous way.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

I disagree with both of you. Unless you have evidence to the contrary (and there have been people on this thread who said they've been a part of these chains), I'm guessing the cars pull up to the pay window, are only told "the car in front of you paid for your order." There is no question or suggestion about you paying for the next car. If you don't want to participate, don't. If told the car in front of you paid for your order, simply say "Great! Have a good day." The people who paid won't know you did that. The people behind you won't know you did that. Only the employees would know. Why are you so worried about what the employees think of you?

My opinion is this, when the chain starts to get long, I think very often the employees, do say something, they are probably excited about it and probably mention it in their excitement. I shared above that we were part of a chain at a highway toll and the worker happily told my husband how many people had paid the toll for the person behind them that afternoon.

But, I agree with you, if someone pays for your order, just enjoy the moment and don't feel the need to pay for the person behind you, which is exactly what I did when it happened to me!

 

[Heigh-Ho]

My opinion is this, when the chain starts to get long, I think very often the employees, do say something, they are probably excited about it and probably mention it in their excitement. I shared above that we were part of a chain at a highway toll and the worker happily told my husband how many people had paid the toll for the person behind them that afternoon.

I can see this happening honestly. When you explain above the intent is innocent and just people caught up in the moment.

Reading through comments I think that viewpoint can really play a role in your impression. In your explanation you may still feel a bit bad, like you mentioned, that you were the car that stopped the chain, but you're not placing some sort of ulterior motive behind the mention of the chain. In other explanations it's like the person is feeling duped into this situation and goaded almost into continuing the chain and attributes that to the employees (at times not always though) who may or may not have some sort of ill intent and could just be more like what you describe this innocent excited utterance. Maybe they are just happy to see such kindness in their lives done in such a close proximity to them. Who knows but sorta comes across like glass half empty glass half full way of looking at this type of kind gesture.

 

[bcla]

Well - I've had someone pay for my stuff before, but maybe it's wasn't the whole chain thing.

Once it was bridge toll, but that was back when most bridge tolls on San Francisco Bay Area bridges was $1. I might even whip out a $2 bill and tell the toll collector that it was for the driver behind me. Totally random, but I only did it after someone else did it for me previously.

I guess the other time was when I was just at a dollar store just buying one item. The customer in front of me was taking forever, forget something (which an employee went out to get), and we were waiting for a while. So she offered to pay for my single item so I could leave.

 

[ronandannette]

I guess I'm a terrible person. Twice in the last month someone in front of me has paid for my order. Each time I had ordered only a $1 drink. Neither time did I feel obligated to purchase for the car behind me. I just smiled and moved on.

I'm not worried what the employees think of me. I've never been in a chain, but would probably say no because I'd be holding my $3 of cash and nothing else. I'd probably be one who accepted it as gift, thought "isn't that nice" and drove away. I said my GUESS is that it is being suggested, based on 250+ in a row people doing so. I'm asking, NOT assuming. Every time I see an article (probably several times a year?) I wonder about this phenomenon.

My budget is pretty carefully planned, including my gift giving and charitable giving, so spontaneity isn't really my wheel house.

Fair enough!

 

[C&Jx2]

Sometimes it’s just nice to do something for someone else whether they have 500k in the bank or nothing. It’s just a small gesture... Geez.

Just don’t go around boasting that you did it. Then you did the good deed for YOU, not THEM.

 

[sam_gordon]

I totally agree with you, if there is 250+ people in a row paying for the people behind them then the employees are mentioning it.

Well, the employees have to say SOMETHING... "The car in front of you paid for your order." They should not hint, suggest, or ask if you want to pay for the car behind you. I can see this conversation:

Employee: The car in front of you paid for your order.
Driver: That's great.
Employee: Yes, it's been going on for 200 (pick a number) orders now.
Driver: That's very nice of people.
Employee: Yup, have a great day.
Driver: You too.

Chain is broken. Only the employees and you know the chain is broken.

 

[Hikergirl]

I paid for the car in back of me once, but it was my dd

 

[disneychrista]

They should not hint, suggest, or ask if you want to pay for the car behind you.

I agree they should not be asking but I can see the employee caught up in the excitement doing just that.

 

[Skywalker]

Well, the employees have to say SOMETHING... "The car in front of you paid for your order." They should not hint, suggest, or ask if you want to pay for the car behind you. I can see this conversation:

Employee: The car in front of you paid for your order.
Driver: That's great.
Employee: Yes, it's been going on for 200 (pick a number) orders now.
Driver: That's very nice of people.
Employee: Yup, have a great day.
Driver: You too.

Chain is broken. Only the employees and you know the chain is broken.

Agree - obviously the employees have to say your order was paid for...otherwise what? They just shut up and take your money and pocket it? LOL

I have had my order paid for 3 times, all three times the employees simply said that the person in front paid for my order.

One time, I believe it was because I had let them cut in front of me after they had been trying to make a left hand turn into the line forever.

The other two, I have no idea if I knew the person, if it was a single spontaneous gesture, or part of a 500-car chain. Either way, it was nice. One time I said okay I will pay for the car behind me, the other time I just smiled and said how nice. No anxiety or confusion necessary.

 

[tzolkin]

OP, I'm also not a fan of the "chain" type scenarios you're talking about. I know some people don't give it a thought and are trying to be kind, but it does seem to often have the opposite effect. If you're paying for the person behind you out of obligation and then you have to consider if their meal was more or less than yours and potentially feel slighted, that really defeats the purpose of it being an act of kindness.

To me it's along the same lines as obligatory reciprocal gift giving. I think many (most?) people feel like if someone gives them a gift then they are owed a gift in return and this extends to the pay it forward situation you mention. "Several people in front of me paid for other's food, so now I have to pay for the food of the person behind me or I look like a jerk." That's not me doing something nice, that's me feeling pressured to do something out of obligation.

Recipients of kindness don't have to be people in need. That is charity. It is a different concept.

Yeah, I think we are talking about two different things in this thread. Several people have mentioned "helping people" which is not the point of a "random acts of kindness" gesture. It really doesn't matter how well off the other person is; the gesture's purpose is to brighten their day not help them out financially.

I can think of numerous times at Disney where we did something nice (gave out extra FPs, gave a pin to a kid who was admiring it, bought candy for someone with a snack credit, etc). Obviously people who can afford to go to Disney did not "need" the items. To me, this is a completely different type of thing than buying a meal for a homeless person or paying for someone's groceries who is putting items back because they can't afford them.

This may just be my opinion but that's probably just even more against the practice when it's done as a drive-thru thing. I know I know but either you're doing it to because you want to give a gesture or not. There's a lot of attention being paid to what the amount is the quantity of the order in which it's conditional; you'll only give this amount not the whole amount. If this is causing someone to really think that way maybe it's better to give back a different way. Of course the fact that you're offering is great too and I don't wish to diminish that but pay it forward is about so much more than a person's order in a drive-thru and there's a lot more ways to give back than worrying over how much someone's order is or that they had this many from their order

I understand what you're saying about not focusing on the amount, but I have seen people many times pay for a partial order and I don't think it was because they were being cheap or calculating. This usually happens when someone is paying with cash-- for example, they may hand the cashier a $20 bill and say, "just apply the change to the next person" Or perhaps the person in front of them paid for their order and they want to pay for the person behind them, but only have $10 not the full amount of the following car's bill.

 

[MrJT]

I went to Whataburger the other day and this happened to me. I was picking up a kids meal because that's all my son wants, and I still had to buy everybody else's food elsewhere. I didn't think to pay it forward at the moment, but when it did occur to me, I realized that I only had a small bill taken care of. If I did pay it forward, what if the next guy had a $30 meal?

 

[Heigh-Ho]

I understand what you're saying about not focusing on the amount, but I have seen people many times pay for a partial order and I don't think it was because they were being cheap or calculating. This usually happens when someone is paying with cash-- for example, they may hand the cashier a $20 bill and say, "just apply the change to the next person" Or perhaps the person in front of them paid for their order and they want to pay for the person behind them, but only have $10 not the full amount of the following car's bill.

I never said it was because they were being cheap or calculating (at least in the negative way). I was speaking specifically about the sentiment that the poster gave off was that you should (or at least that it's perfectly fine) to try and gauge how much someone's order is (as in how big it is). That really does go against the gist of the type of pay it forward being done.

Cash is WAY different here because not a lot of people pay cash these days but it would still be a bit off to just apply the change (where we're often talking coins) to someone's drive-thru order. I've for sure seen jars inside places where people just add whatever in there and that jar is to be used to help pay or completely pay for some person in the future their meal but that is actually a different type of pay it forward going on (there are a lot of different types of pay it forward).

The drive-thru window one, well it really is about paying for the entire order behind you without consideration for this or that. You're simply doing it because this is your way of paying it forward; most often people who do this well they don't tend to even think about the things people here mention. They just say "hey I'd like to pay for this person's order" and that's that. Respectfully if you only have $10 and not the full amount chances are you're probably like that one person who mentioned they have their gift giving and charity carefully planned out in finances which doesn't leave room for spontaneity.

Are there rules against only paying for the order behind you in a partial way? No and clearly you've been a witness to partial payments And yet at the same time it goes against the main aspect of it. That's why I said there are many other ways where you don't have to sit there thinking about "especially if their order is a really big one". No need to agonize over having enough cash for the order behind you (just don't offer in the first place if you don't feel like you'll have enough) or wondering if their order is small or large, or why should they even get to have someone pay for their meal they clearly don't need it because they drive a certain type of car or that you haven't pre-planned all your gift giving and charity aspects for the whole year at the beginning of the year and it's just not your thing to just do something on the fly. Just pick something more your (general your) style and move on with your day

 

[sam_gordon]

I went to Whataburger the other day and this happened to me. I was picking up a kids meal because that's all my son wants, and I still had to buy everybody else's food elsewhere. I didn't think to pay it forward at the moment, but when it did occur to me, I realized that I only had a small bill taken care of. If I did pay it forward, what if the next guy had a $30 meal?

Then it's your decision on whether to decline (as it always is). Ever be walking into a store and hold the door for someone coming up behind you? What if there was a line of people? Do you continue to hold the door open?

Again, no one should feel obligated to continue a "chain". And no employee should pressure (or even suggest) that you do.

 

[Mysterian]

This topic could have easily become a Seinfeld episode. "The Chain" would already be a catchphrase and household term.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

If your heart’s not in it, don’t do it.

It’s not for everyone and that’s ok.