Pity Party for Single Parents....

[jamsmom]

If you are single and do NOT get child support, how on earth can a mortgage, car payment, car insurance, and all the other musts (like food) be paid for?


I am NOT trying to be funny, either.

 

[wvjules]

I hear ya, sister!!!!!

Now that I'm unemployed, my child support checks are more critical than ever and it seems like they hardly ever come anymore.

What really sucks is that in March, the state collected $1000 in arrears from my ex's federal refund, but they said they have to hold on to it for 6 months even if the psycho wife signed the injured spouse form.

 

[JasonLyons]

I feel so bad for your kids especially, how could there daddys not care

 

[wvjules]

Originally posted by JasonLyons
I feel so bad for your kids especially, how could there daddys not care

Let's not even go there. My DD's dad hasn't called her since Christmas day!!!!! *******!!!! Next January if she hasn't heard from him, I'm going to take to court to get his right terminated based on abandonment.

Thankfully, she gets plenty of love from everyone else. My family is always there for us, emotionally and financially, when we need them.

 

[jamsmom]

My ex husband is NOT listed on the birth certificate. If I had stayed with him, my son sure wouldn't be here and there is a good chance I wouldn't be either. The knife was dull once, no guarantee that it would have been dull the next time.

So, by my choice, he is not listed and I do not get child support. (Not like I would have ever gotten a dime from him anyway)

 

[WDWLVR]

i don't know how she did it, but my mom did it from the time I was 3 months old and my brother was 5 years old.

Never met him and now I never will.

Thank God for a wonderful Mother, Grandmother, and Great Aunt!

 

[aprincessmom]

If you are single and do NOT get child support, how on earth can a mortgage, car payment, car insurance, and all the other musts (like food) be paid for?

Actually, I was the one who made the money in my marriage so my ex is suffering a very dramatic decrease in standard of living. DD and I have had a very minimal change in living standards.

I waived child support because it was such a small amount that it would barely pay for dancing lessons (including costumes and shoes) for the year let alone really support her on a daily basis and would practically bankrupt him.

I am so fortunate to have a great job that pays me enough to support my daughter and me comfortably. I don't know how other single moms do it. It's certainly a struggle for most custodial single parents.

 

[believe]

My sister is in the situation of no child support and is struggling every day to keep a roof over her kids' heads. I can't even imagine going through this.

 

[ebaynut31]

Another single mom here! And very proud. It is very hard to keep things together at times but I (we) have such a wonderful family that is always there to help. Her father owes us over $6,000 right now and is being kept track of thru the dept. of revenue child support division. I get a few checks a year. His order is for $58 a week. can you believe it???? He lives in Florida now (actually for about 4 or 5 years) and has not had any contact with my daughter in about 2 years or so.

You just take it as it goes and enjoy life!

Luckily I save and save and we go to Disney a lot.

I am very blessed.

 

[snoopy]

I don't know how single parents do it not only from a financial standpoint, but also from an emotional standpoint. I know when I have had enough DH is always there to take up the slack. I would imagine one would have to have a very strong support system in place.

 

[Chattyaholic]

It's terrible that there are "deadbeat Dads" out there, but I'm so thankful my son is not one of them!! He and his wife divorced a couple of years ago (after being separated for more than a year) and they worked out their own custody agreement. He has the kids (DD-9 and DS-7) one week, she has them the next. They go from Friday to Friday. They both live in the school district so one week the bus picks them up at Mom's and the next week it picks them up at Dad's. It works out great for them. But what I don't understand is, why my son has to pay child support EVERY week. I think he should have to pay it on the weeks his ex-wife has the children, but I don't think he should have to the weeks that HE has them!!! He doesn't try to get it changed, because he said if he tries then she might try to get the kids more and he doesn't want to give up his time with them.

Also, he has a live-in girlfriend (they are planning to get married in a year or so) who has a son and the biological father hasn't had any contact whatsoever with him for almost two years. They went to court to get his parental rights revoked but since he is paying child support they have to get permission, which they don't think will be a problem since the biological father didn't want children and the pregnancy was an accident. My son wants to adopt her son, and hopefully he will be able to do so when they get married.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

What about widows? My mom was able to raise me pretty much on her own. Granted, we did have a little bit of insurance (by the time we found out my dad was sick, there was no way we could up the insurance), and the social security helped, but it still wasn't the same as my dad's income. My mom often went without even with having a good job. And she always told me, be prepared to do these things on your own, as the only person you can really count on is yourself.

Edited to add:chattyaholic - he may not have to be paying any child support, or pay a GREATLY reduced child support since he has custody 50% of the time, it depends on his state's laws. The financial arrangement could be something he worked out with his ex, and not aligned with state law.

And really, I don't understand the dead-beat father thing. My DH loves his kids so much (as do I), we are so happy that they live in a wonderful neighborhood and have all that they ever need (and sometimes want ). I can't imagine not doing our part.

 

[Serena]

I don't know how you do it. The money I make isn't anything, and after 20 years of almost not working at all, there isn't a whole lot out there for me.
My h does give us money, thankfully. I know I couldn't do it without it.

Miss Jasmine, that's one thing I am going to teach my girls. Make sure you can make it on your own. Get the education and the job skills. It'll be peace of mind regardless of what you do. I don't have either.

 

[floridaminnie]

I guess I'm a little bit "lucky". DD father pays some. He thinks that if he pays in full he's ok (even though it can take two months to pay for one month) even though he's not paying on time. He's taking me back to mediation for child support (he thinks I'm nickeling and diming him), he wants non-supervised visitation, he wants her to get to know his son who may not be his biological son and has problems, and he wants her medical benefits to be under him instead of me b/c it's cheaper even though he changes jobs like I change clothes. Lord help me.

 

[EdiePA]

You adjust, you make do, and you pray. A lot!!

I receive child support for DS#2, but that will end the day he graduates in June. No support for DS#1 -- he was 18 when their Dad walked out . (Thank you to the State of Pennsylvania, for not requiring Dads to help past HS graduation!)

So, next year I have two in college and if you think that gives me lots of financial aid, think again. Their costs will be over $20,000 and I made $40,000 last year. Plus, I got the house, but I also got the mortgage, upkeep, utility payments, etc.

I drive a five-year-old minivan and pray that it will hold together. I shop for my clothes in Walmart and Target (that's when I buy myself clothes!). I clip coupons and shop the sales as well as Sam's Club. We eat a lot of hamburger and I take PB & J to work everyday for lunch.

But the financial part isn't the one that gets me down. It's being for the most part solely responsible for the growth of two young men. Their Dad calls it "co-parenting", but he only sees DS#2 for one dinner a week. I never get the break of them staying over at his place. Plus, he's dragging his feet on this divorce that HE wanted -- so I'm in limbo for the last 18 months and can't afford to pay any more $$$ to the lawyer to initiate it on my own.

It's a tough life -- not something I would wish on anyone. And truly only understood by someone who has gone down this road.

Edie

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

Originally posted by Chattyaholic
It's But what I don't understand is, why my son has to pay child support EVERY week. I think he should have to pay it on the weeks his ex-wife has the children, but I don't think he should have to the weeks that HE has them!!! He doesn't try to get it changed, because he said if he tries then she might try to get the kids more and he doesn't want to give up his time with them.

In many places if the parents have a 50-50 physical custody arrangement, the parent with the higher income has to pay support to the parent with the lower income --- the lower income parent is deemed the "custodial parent". she still has to pay rent, ultilites, etc. when the kids aren't there, after all. the standard of living she can provide the kids is affected by how much support she recieves.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by Miss Jasmine
What about widows?

I'm widowed and it's no picnic. It would be so nice to have just ONE day without worrying! When I was young, my dad didn't think girls needed to go to college... ...so didn't send me or my two sisters. I've been paying for it ever since! How could he see into the future that two of his daughters would be divorced and one would be widowed with a child. If he could have, I would hope he would have done things differently.

So, it's just me and DS against the world as they say. After getting burned out working at the local hospital 8 years, I headed back to college to be able to have a career with a REAL salary that someone in their 40's should have. Well, after being in school a year, I'm now starting to think about COBRA running out in about 6 months. So now I'm thinking I should drop out of school for now and find a job even if I hate it! I've been diabetic for years, and DS was just diagnosed with it this month.

And the lack of money is too much. NO other support here! But you know what? Life is a challenge!

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

I'm fortunate in many respects. After the divorce I chose to live with my parents, which gives my children the benefit of extended family to rely on. I make a decent amount of money. and my ex husband -- well, I had to garnish his wages to collect the support, but I do get that check from his employer twice a month. and here in NY by law the parents are required to support unemancipated minors until age 21.

I have friends who are not so fortunate.

my dd's go to school with two boys. the boys live with their father. the divorce was rather nasty. the mother had a high-paying job and quit to avoid paying child support. she owes her ex husband thousands of dollars. she was recently convicted of crossing state lines to avoid paying support. she hasn't seen her kids in years.


another friend has custody of her 3 boys. her ex has remarried and has a child with his second wife. she garnished his salary for child support, but he owes her $$$$ for child care costs. when they divorced she was unemployed, but now she's working and the youngest is in school so things are getting better. she has no family in the area, and he'll often cancel his visitation at the last minute in order to mess up her plans.

 

[CarolAnnC]

Originally posted by Miss Jasmine
What about widows?

Yet another widow here too. My girls were young teens when my husband passed away suddenly. Not only are there the financial concerns that all single parents are faced with, but an immediate funeral bill running in the thousands of dollars.

Health insurance is very important to maintain if at all possible. Both my girls required grief counseling with therapists and it is very expensive.

I would like to encourage all the single moms (and dads) out there whether, separated, divorced or widowed to hang in there. Hard work and perseverance will help you rise above the despair. Raising children in an ideal setting with two parents is not easy and it is extremely hard for those of us who do not have the support or presence of their partner.

Best wishes to you all.

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

I was a single mom since the birth of my DD until she was 9. I still say you don't ever really know a man until you tell them you are pregnant! Anyway, he is not a good person. I tried to get him to court for child support on 3 occassions when DD was under 3. He never showed up. And I got reprimanded by the court for not knowing this person's social security number. I never made that mistake again. I got DH's ssn very early into our relationship!

I've never gotten a single dime of child support and quite honestly I don't want it. We had some rough times when DD was younger but we never went without any important things. My family is incredibly supportive and I thank God for them every day. My DH has been in our lives since DD was 2 so he has been a blessing as well.

Funny thing is, I think men should have to take care of their responsibilities and should have to pay child support. Yet, in my case, I truly beleive it's not worth the time, headache and hassle. I am lucky that I have a good paying job and can pay for every single bill in this house by myself. My mom taught me that as a child and my parents are still married to one another. It's a good lesson.