I think maybe this is where your frustration lies (and I could totally be wrong). You were able to get a SS card without a certified copy before. Had you not been able to get a SS card with your married name without having a certified copy then it would just be the annoyance of having to pay and order one rather than looking at it as "what was once acceptable is no longer acceptable".
For someone like me who had to get a certified copy of my marriage certificate for my name change on my DL and my SS card and then get another one to get a new passport with my married name it's not so much an annoyance to get the certified copy because that had already been previously required for me.
This is from Ohio's website in regards to getting the REAL-ID
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Now if you go to the PDF file for the list of acceptable documents it will show this:
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So again if your passport you are using for proof of your FULL LEGAL NAME reflects your married name according to the sources above you should be ok. You don't need a passport AND a birth certificate. If you have a Passport already with the married name use that and according to the sources you should be ok. Am I misunderstanding something? (and apologies if I am) If your passport was never changed to your married name then it goes back to what we were originally talking about where that step was never taken.