luvsJack
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2007
After having dealt with one alcoholic, I would personally recommend running for the hills.
You don’t know if he is an alcoholic. You can not determine that from a post on the dis.
After having dealt with one alcoholic, I would personally recommend running for the hills.
And she should be, because this is not going to end well.Wrong grandfather. My father’s father never drank.
Yes it’s worthwhile to be aware of it but first it would be best for it to be determined if he is an alcoholic and not one person on this thread can make that determination.
Everyone is jumping the gun and deciding maybe is on drugs, he is an alcoholic, he is bi polar (which also isn’t the same with every person plus there are many disorders that mimic bi polar), and he has a toxic mom.
They need counseling, that is for sure. But she doesn’t need anyone deciding all these things are wrong with her husband. I mean, she comes here worried about alcohol and someone starts talking about possible drug use. If she listened to half of this, she would running for the hills!
I did not ask him to stop drinking for a month. That was something he decided on his own. He wanted to see if it made him feel healthier and wanted to find other ways to destress.All the found hidden bottles that were actually a year's worth (or not) , putting bottles in a cooler in the trunk because you were stopping drinking, a wife who decided they both would no longer drink, a pregnancy, slurring of words after a few beers, now being asked to give up alcohol for a month......
If this is all legit it sounds like a train wreck. OP, all I can say is good luck as it sounds like there a lot of lies and high handedness going on along with a husband who is too scared of you to let his wishes be known. My first impression from your comments of his actions after a few beers is he is adding hard liquor or mixing with drugs. Hope I am wrong, but I do believe there is a lot being hidden from you and your husband is too afraid to tell you the truth.
You only have 7 months MAX to get this train wreck sorted out. Looking up ideas on the internet isn't going to cut it. Self help is not sufficient. You both need to get professional help yesterday. He needs to go to the doctor (with you along) to verify he's being truthful, and tell them EVERYTHING. Then you both need counseling.I did not ask him to stop drinking for a month. That was something he decided on his own. He wanted to see if it made him feel healthier and wanted to find other ways to destress.
Last night we sat down together and found a website to start off with. It listed 5 simple things to do every single week and we are starting with that. It also listed the 4 main issues in a relationship and we definitely exhibit some of them. We went through some practice examples together and talked about how we could respond in a more positive way.
To piggyback off of this, I’m guessing that whatever you’ve found on the internet is relating to very broad relationship issues like making time for one another and improving communication styles. One partner practices techniques for responding in a less critical way and the other learns to be less defensive. Things like that are not going to be helpful for sorting out the problems specific to your situation, let alone getting to the root of where these issue stem from and why they persist.You only have 7 months MAX to get this train wreck sorted out. Looking up ideas on the internet isn't going to cut it. Self help is not sufficient. You both need to get professional help yesterday. He needs to go to the doctor (with you along) to verify he's being truthful, and tell them EVERYTHING. Then you both need counseling.
The way you are doing things now is a recipe for failure and your baby will pay the price for your rose colored glasses. He's going to do just enough to get you off his back. Will you fall for it? Start putting your child's needs first.
I applaud his decision to take a break from alcohol. I did it twice this year, in January and since mid-June. Please understand that this may not be something he can do on his own. It is tough habit to stop, even if addiction isn't involved. When you have been using alcohol as a stress reliever you really have to be sure you have other coping mechanisms in place.I did not ask him to stop drinking for a month. That was something he decided on his own. He wanted to see if it made him feel healthier and wanted to find other ways to destress.
Exactly this. I grew up with BOTH parents being alcoholics. Yes, BOTH of them. Ive seen it all. This is clearly what he's doing....he's hiding alcohol from you. You think he's getting drunk fast, but he's not. He's drinking behind your back...there's more that you arent aware of. Maybe mixing drugs with alcohol even.Your husband is not getting that drunk off 3 or 4 beers. That is mearly the alcohol that he's letting you see him drink. From your descriptions it is quite clear he is drinking other alcohol in secret to get to the stage that he is slurring his words, getting sick etc. He knows he's hiding this from you.
And she should be, because this is not going to end well.
If it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.
Of course nobody here can make one specific diagnosis.
That is no reason to disregard these very very very obvious problems.
The OP's husband has shown the classic and obvious signs of some very serious issues. (as has she)
The OP's husband has done nothing to indicate that he could be trusted, and has in fact proven that he is not to be trusted.
Sorry, LuvsJack, but lack of a bona-fide diagnosis is no justification.
When there is a vulnerable pregnant young woman and a new innocent baby at stake, this is not the time to ignore the issues and make the wrong decisions.
I agree with everyone here, if the two of them are not seeking some real and bona-fide medical and psychological help, as in TODAY, I would also recommend looking at ways out "running for the hills", for my own, and my child's, best interests.
I did not ask him to stop drinking for a month. That was something he decided on his own. He wanted to see if it made him feel healthier and wanted to find other ways to destress.
Last night we sat down together and found a website to start off with. It listed 5 simple things to do every single week and we are starting with that. It also listed the 4 main issues in a relationship and we definitely exhibit some of them. We went through some practice examples together and talked about how we could respond in a more positive way.
I continue to disagree with your post above.
Don't post like we might be on the same page, when we are not.
Given that they have taken absolutely no steps to get any real diagnosis or treatment or counseling, etc...
(Ohhhh, wait a minute, she looked something up on the internet... Ohhhh okay then....)
Now, or very very very soon, could actually be the time for her to take actions on her own.
I am basing my comments on what we DO seem to know.
You're basing your comments on only one side of the equation, written by someone on a Disney board. The facts are: you don't know her, you don't know her husband and you don't know the whole story. NONE of us do.I am basing my comments on what we DO seem to know.
I 100% agree.An objective professional medical opinion is needed here.
As his wife, you are too close to the situation to really help him. You are codependent. The only people you can save is yourself and your unborn child. You can get professional counseling, and the first thing they will tell you to do is go to an Al Anon meeting.
He needs to save himself by going to the doctor and ruling out some strange medical condition, then to AA or rehab or counseling or all three. The internet will not save him. If he cannot admit that he has a problem, there is absolutely nothing you can do for him. Enabling him to continue will destroy all of your lives.
My father went to rehab and remained sober until he died, but he humbled himself and asked for help. My sister is in denial and has ruined her life.
Ultimately, it is his choice. Don't let him drag you down with him if he makes the wrong one.