Trying to be supportive of friend's career change...

[Moana of Motunui]

My friend is making a huge mistake. I think. Maybe I'm just not supportive. What do you thin&?

My friend left her job for a higher paying job about a year ago. This May, she was let go from
Her new job. She now doesn't think her career choice is right and wants to start a new career in marine biology.

The problem is: we're 25 and college graduates in something completely opposite of marine biology. So she wants to move to Florida and do her undergrad at a university with marine biology.

She has a restaurant job that doesn't pay well. I keep telling her to go back to her original job but she's refusing (her original job would take her back easily). She keeps saying she's having trouble saving money and that it's not fair that her friends are doing things and going places when she can't. Basically she keeps complaining about her decision.

Edit to add: She could get her old job back for the time being until the move. Her dental, eye, and health insurance would be covered so she wouldn't have to pay OOP. I'm trying to help her get/save as much money as she can before she moves because once she moves, she's only living on savings for a few months until she gets a job. Going back to her old job isn't forever. It's would be for about 10 months.

In addition, she isn't taking anyone's advice. She's moving herself from PA to FL to go to college again and spending another $Xk a year for a degree she will hate. She could find a local college but she didn't take that advice.


I want to tell her that she's making a big mistake. About a month after college graduation I started a job, and a year later I hated it. I had the same idea to go to school for marine biology. I left my job, started school, and realized I made a huge mistake. I was luckily enough that I kept in touch with a few college professors and now work for one of them. I know what she's going through and it's awful when your career choice hurts you. But I'm sure she will find the right job in her degree field. If I tell her any of this she will take offense to it.


(The only positive thing I can see is that when she does move to FL, it's free room when I visit her and go to disney next October lol )

 

[LilyWDW]

It was a mistake for you... but that doesn't mean it will be a mistake for her. You have to allow her to find her own way and it may be a different path then you think it should be.

 

[low-key]

ya know Im like you, you have a good job you keep at it. But these people who bounce all over and change things up, always seem to come out smelling like roses

 

[runwad]

I think you can't tell people what to do, they have to learn for themselves.

It's hard, but wish her the best of luck and be supportive of her choice, while keeping your feelings to yourself.

 

[MSLRAC]

Just because it was a mistake for you doesn't mean it will be for her. Maybe her first degree and career path were the mistake. It was for me. I went back to school at 35 and totally changed careers and have never been happier.

 

[la79al]

Maybe she really just wants a change in scenery and is looking for a good excuse. Be supportive, see where she ends up. I feel like if she isn't married/doesn't have kids, she still has time to figure things out.

 

[BigAlsGal]

ya know Im like you, you have a good job you keep at it. But these people who bounce all over and change things up, always seem to come out smelling like roses

I know! I'm over here watching my P's and Q's and I've got those fly by the seat of their pants friends that always end up enjoying life more and doing pretty well.

If I did that I'd be homeless and neck deep in BS!

 

[sonnyjane]

My friend is making a huge mistake. I think. Maybe I'm just not supportive. What do you thin&?

My friend left her job for a higher paying job about a year ago. This May, she was let go from
Her new job. She now doesn't think her career choice is right and wants to start a new career in marine biology.

The problem is: we're 25 and college graduates in something completely opposite of marine biology. So she wants to move to Florida and do her undergrad at a university with marine biology.

She has a restaurant job that doesn't pay well. I keep telling her to go back to her original job but she's refusing (her original job would take her back easily). She keeps saying she's having trouble saving money and that it's not fair that her friends are doing things and going places when she can't. Basically she keeps complaining about her decision.

In addition, she isn't taking anyone's advice. She's moving herself from PA to FL to go to college again and spending another $Xk a year for a degree she will hate. She could find a local college but she didn't take that advice.

I want to tell her that she's making a big mistake. About a month after college graduation I started a job, and a year later I hated it. I had the same idea to go to school for marine biology. I left my job, started school, and realized I made a huge mistake. I was luckily enough that I kept in touch with a few college professors and now work for one of them. I know what she's going through and it's awful when your career choice hurts you. But I'm sure she will find the right job in her degree field. If I tell her any of this she will take offense to it.

(The only positive thing I can see is that when she does move to FL, it's free room when I visit her and go to disney next October lol )

Bahahah well I am the perfect person to respond to this since I graduated with a degree in Public Relations and Spanish, worked for a PR firm in Miami for a few years after graduation, hated it, then quit at age 23 to go back to school for a degree in Marine Biology lol! I am still paying off my student loans 10 years later, but I now do work in my field for a whale watching company and while I don't make a ton, PR wasn't exactly lucrative either. I am a HUGE proponent of doing what you love. As long as she is aware that school is expensive (and DIFFICULT because it's mostly science courses), and that career prospects are slim, then it's her choice! I was able to graduate with the Marine Bio degree in 2.5 years because all my core classes transferred over.

 

[Shanti]

My friend is making a huge mistake. I think. Maybe I'm just not supportive. What do you thin&?

My friend left her job for a higher paying job about a year ago. This May, she was let go from
Her new job. She now doesn't think her career choice is right and wants to start a new career in marine biology.

The problem is: we're 25 and college graduates in something completely opposite of marine biology. So she wants to move to Florida and do her undergrad at a university with marine biology.

She has a restaurant job that doesn't pay well. I keep telling her to go back to her original job but she's refusing (her original job would take her back easily). She keeps saying she's having trouble saving money and that it's not fair that her friends are doing things and going places when she can't. Basically she keeps complaining about her decision.

In addition, she isn't taking anyone's advice. She's moving herself from PA to FL to go to college again and spending another $Xk a year for a degree she will hate. She could find a local college but she didn't take that advice.

I want to tell her that she's making a big mistake. About a month after college graduation I started a job, and a year later I hated it. I had the same idea to go to school for marine biology. I left my job, started school, and realized I made a huge mistake. I was luckily enough that I kept in touch with a few college professors and now work for one of them. I know what she's going through and it's awful when your career choice hurts you. But I'm sure she will find the right job in her degree field. If I tell her any of this she will take offense to it.

(The only positive thing I can see is that when she does move to FL, it's free room when I visit her and go to disney next October lol )

You think she's making a mistake, but you don't know it. 25 is still very young & a good age to change careers. It is completely possible that it will work out for her. Telling her to go back to a career she doesn't want is not going to improve her situation, but instead would only strain your friendship. She has to choose and explore her own path for herself.

 

[tvguy]

I told my kids that when you are just out of college and your mid-20's, NOW is the time to experiment. Better to stumble now than to regret not taking the risk when you get older. I really don't think a 25 year old has enough work experience to make a huge career mistake.

 

[Shanti]

I told my kids that when you are just out of college and your mid-20's, NOW is the time to experiment. Better to stumble now than to regret not taking the risk when you get older. I really don't think a 25 year old has enough work experience to make a huge career mistake.

And I think some perspective is needed in terms of what is a "huge life mistake". A young person getting more education to try a new career path doesn't qualify imo.

By contrast, getting addicted to drugs, or having children with an abusive partner, or dropping out of school with no prospects of later being able to return, etc., are examples of huge life mistakes that are very difficult to recover from.

 

[momz]

Eh. Don't worry about it. As long as she has a roof over her head and food on her table, she's fine. Let her live her life without your analysis. There's way too many other things to concern yourself with. Besides, what makes you think that you know what's best for her?

 

[mom2rtk]

She's young. I think a lot of the things people regret in life are not the things they do, but the things they don't do. Better to try this and fail than to always wonder.

 

[CarolAnn856]

25 is too young to give up on the idea of trying something different. Heck, I made a major career change, requiring grad school, in my mid/late 30s. Just because it didn't work out for you doesn't mean that it won't for her.

Have you thought about why you are having such a strong reaction to her plans? Do you regret what happened to you? Maybe there is something different that you would like to try, but your negative experience with marine biology has made you hesitant. Don't let that stop you! Now is a great time to explore your options.

 

[wenrob]

My friend is making a huge mistake. I think. Maybe I'm just not supportive. What do you thin&?

My friend left her job for a higher paying job about a year ago. This May, she was let go from
Her new job. She now doesn't think her career choice is right and wants to start a new career in marine biology.

The problem is: we're 25 and college graduates in something completely opposite of marine biology. So she wants to move to Florida and do her undergrad at a university with marine biology.

She has a restaurant job that doesn't pay well. I keep telling her to go back to her original job but she's refusing (her original job would take her back easily). She keeps saying she's having trouble saving money and that it's not fair that her friends are doing things and going places when she can't. Basically she keeps complaining about her decision.

In addition, she isn't taking anyone's advice. She's moving herself from PA to FL to go to college again and spending another $Xk a year for a degree she will hate. She could find a local college but she didn't take that advice.

I want to tell her that she's making a big mistake. About a month after college graduation I started a job, and a year later I hated it. I had the same idea to go to school for marine biology. I left my job, started school, and realized I made a huge mistake. I was luckily enough that I kept in touch with a few college professors and now work for one of them. I know what she's going through and it's awful when your career choice hurts you. But I'm sure she will find the right job in her degree field. If I tell her any of this she will take offense to it.

(The only positive thing I can see is that when she does move to FL, it's free room when I visit her and go to disney next October lol )

It was a mistake for you... but that doesn't mean it will be a mistake for her. You have to allow her to find her own way and it may be a different path then you think it should be.

This right here.

I also have to wonder if maybe subconsciously you are worried she *will* succeed and it will feel like you didn't try hard enough when you did it.

In any case, you do you and let her do what she feels is right. I thought I'd open the thread to see a friend was marrying an ax murder in which case, I'd advise you try and stop her. But this? She has a degree to fall back on if it doesn't work out and she has youth on her side. You need to be her friend and support her.

 

[Allison]

25 is the time to do something like that. A mistake for you doesn't mean it is a mistake for her.

 

[Moana of Motunui]

This right here.

I also have to wonder if maybe subconsciously you are worried she *will* succeed and it will feel like you didn't try hard enough when you did it.

No. I realized my mistake and fixed it. If she succeeds, great and good for her. But don't tell me I didn't "try hard enough".

 

[wenrob]

No. I realized my mistake and fixed it. If she succeeds, great and good for her. But don't tell me I didn't "try hard enough".

I used the word "subconsciously" meaning maybe you don't even realize that's how you feel. I didn't say you didn't try enough, I said maybe you would feel that way. Big difference in how you took it and how I meant it.

 

[Moana of Motunui]

You think she's making a mistake, but you don't know it. 25 is still very young & a good age to change careers. It is completely possible that it will work out for her. Telling her to go back to a career she doesn't want is not going to improve her situation, but instead would only strain your friendship. She has to choose and explore her own path for herself.

No I'm suggesting go back to her old job for the time being until she moves to Florida. For a few months she will have a salary position in addition to the restaurant job. Her health, eye, and dental insurance will be paid for (since she's paying for that OOP right now). I'm not saying go back to your degree field but go back to her first job because they will take her back. It's not forever since she's moving down there July/Aug so it's almost a year of two incomes. If you were going to up and go to school in another state in another year or so, wouldn't you want to work and earn as much income as you could until you find a job in the new state?

I think I need to edit the original post to clarify some things..

 

[Hikergirl]

25 is still a baby, at least in the sense of finding your forever career. I know people who were in their 30's and even 40's who realized they and been doing the wrong thing with their lives
She is not you, and maybe her mistake was going into the field she got her current degree in. Maybe marine biology is exactly what she is meant to do. Just because it wasn't meant for you doesn't mean it isn't meant for your friend.