Help some first time parents: what do you wish you knew then?

[PlainJane]

Do not let other people make you feel like a bad parent because their little snowflake did or didn't do XYZ. I wish more parents that have easy children realized they have easy children, and were thankful instead of judgmental.

We have had quite the ride with our little guy. There are some things that have been way harder like colic, fussy temperament, acid reflux, and allergies. Then we got it easier on some things like sleep/developmental milestones. My child would take HOURS to fall asleep and it had to be under perfect conditions, but he was sleeping through the night I think before he was 2 months (which you need to be careful about because some babies would rather sleep than wakeup to eat when they are hungry). He of course screamed most of the day, but I was very thankful for the sleep. He slept because once he's asleep he likes staying asleep, not because I have some super amazing bedtime routine.

Also, we breastfed for three months. Switching to formula was one of the best parenting decisions I have made. He had failure to thrive and many allergies (some which couldn't be identified). He did AMAZING on formula. Breast is best if it works, it made my child sick. Do what is best for YOUR baby, not some theoretical child that is not yours.

PS: We have heard the most ignorant stuff come out of people's mouths. The most common was child free people comparing having a newborn (a sick newborn at that), to having a dog.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Babies/Kids generally go with the flow. I never created this locked in nap time routine. They kids napped where ever I went with them. I never had to be home at 1pm so they could nap - if I was out they slept in the car or the car seat or on me - they adapt. Also I never had one of those signs on the door about not waking a sleeping baby. I vacuumed after I put them to bed, I had the tv on etc. There was noise and they learned to sleep through it. I put them in their crib as soon as I brought them home from the hospital. Their room was their room and my room was my room. I wanted them to sleep in their own beds and so they did.

Give yourself a break - first time parents have these expectations that aren't always realistic. That's ok but just know things don't always go the way you plan them so be flexible and give yourself a break!

Not every kid is the same. You love them all the same but sometimes you have to parent them based on who they are. My first kid was so easy and he is 23 and still easy. My second kid was a nightmare and at 21 he is still sometimes challenging. My last child was a breeze and at 19 she still is. Loved them the same but had to parent that 2nd one differently because of his personality. Took me a long time to realize that and again, thats ok.

Hardest job ever being a parent. Always second guessing yourself. Always wondering if you had done this or that would they be this or that. Just know you are doing the best you can and go with that!!!!!

Congrats

 

[mjkacmom]

Babies/Kids generally go with the flow. I never created this locked in nap time routine. They kids napped where ever I went with them. I never had to be home at 1pm so they could nap - if I was out they slept in the car or the car seat or on me - they adapt. Also I never had one of those signs on the door about not waking a sleeping baby. I vacuumed after I put them to bed, I had the tv on etc. There was noise and they learned to sleep through it. I put them in their crib as soon as I brought them home from the hospital. Their room was their room and my room was my room. I wanted them to sleep in their own beds and so they did.

Give yourself a break - first time parents have these expectations that aren't always realistic. That's ok but just know things don't always go the way you plan them so be flexible and give yourself a break!

Not every kid is the same. You love them all the same but sometimes you have to parent them based on who they are. My first kid was so easy and he is 23 and still easy. My second kid was a nightmare and at 21 he is still sometimes challenging. My last child was a breeze and at 19 she still is. Loved them the same but had to parent that 2nd one differently because of his personality. Took me a long time to realize that and again, thats ok.

Hardest job ever being a parent. Always second guessing yourself. Always wondering if you had done this or that would they be this or that. Just know you are doing the best you can and go with that!!!!!

Congrats

I loved having my kids on regular nap schedules. Even on the worst day, I knew I’d have a break from 9 - 11, 2 - 4 (until about age 18 months, when nap was 1 - 4). I could get things done, and I never had to wake a sleeping baby to pick someone up. I’d just have to make sure they didn’t nod off in the caeseat or stroller, not all transitioned well. I liked having a nice child free chunk of time. Everyone one is different.

 

[BLAZEY]

Accept help when offered. You don't have to do it alone. You can delegate tasks to be done. My mum and sister came over, I slept while sister cuddled, changed and fed my baby a bottle. Mum changed my laundry over and folded it, sister unloaded and re-load the dishwasher. MIL always asked it there was anything she could pick up from the store on her way over, whether it was food, wipes, or a few groceries. I did the same when my sister had her kids. We also made ready to eat frozen meals before each baby arrived. DD was born in March so she was 7 weeks old my first Mother's Day. DH slept in and I woke up to SIL feeding a bottle to DD who was changed and dressed for the day.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I loved having my kids on regular nap schedules. Even on the worst day, I knew I’d have a break from 9 - 11, 2 - 4 (until about age 18 months, when nap was 1 - 4). I could get things done, and I never had to wake a sleeping baby to pick someone up. I’d just have to make sure they didn’t nod off in the caeseat or stroller, not all transitioned well. I liked having a nice child free chunk of time. Everyone one is different.

I completely agree. We are flexible for special occasions (holidays, family gatherings, vacation etc.) but otherwise everyone in our family is happiest when they are well rested. Which means sticking to regular nap times--my babies and toddlers have needed the rest, and I have needed a break.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

It goes fast so enjoy. My son will be 18 in 3 months. It literally feels like i just had him last week.

This is exactly what I logged on to say. It goes by so fast. Take some time to enjoy it while you're in the thick of it. Mine (18 and 20 now) are away at college, and my house is so quiet (clean, but too quiet).

The days are long but the years are short!

 

[Tinijocaro]

Keep a journal and try to write something daily.

I kept an jounal on the computer when my kids were little, especially when they started saying/doing funny things. I as SO grateful I did that becuase when I read it now, I know I wouldn't have remembered half the stuf they said. They are now 16, 18, 20 and 22.

Apparently, Joey told his pre-school teacher every day "I didn't pick my nose on the bus today" I learned that at a parent teacher conference.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I agree. I was young when i had my son and lived with my mom. She told me to make noise when he was sleeping. She also refused to stop living when he was sleeping so she would vacuum, play music, clean, etc while he slept in his play pen in the living room. I did the same thing when i had my daughter years later. My kids could sleep thru anything. It’s kinda scary at times because they can even sleep thru smoke alarms. But it made vacation and Disney trips much easier. No tip toeing around after they fell asleep or in the mornings.

My MIL taught me this as well. Now they sleep through anything!

 

[lancermom]

If your child develops a favorite, immediately go out and buy multiples of that item. Do not presume that a later edition/type will seem the same to him/her. Our DS's favorite stuffie was a dog ("Scrappy") that I bought at a friend's craft show. As soon as he became attached to it, I asked her to make three more out of the same exact material. My DM bought him "Scrappy's brother" who was a different color, but DS knew the difference . Scrappy's clones lived at the grandparents, babysitters, etc.

Terri

YES! My DDs favorite was a Goodnight, Moon bunny. She once lost it at the grocery store, but fortunately, it was turned in. However, after that, whenever I could, I purchased an extra one. She's 18 and still have one of the originals in a bag (it's head is falling off, but I can't bring myself to get rid of it). I also just found one of the spares.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

One of the best advice I got came frommy twins’ pediatrician when they were toddlers. Don’t make food a fight at that age. Mine were grazers at that age and the doc said that was just fine. They grew out of that but it was a lifesaver at the time.

 

[cabanafrau]

I completely agree. We are flexible for special occasions (holidays, family gatherings, vacation etc.) but otherwise everyone in our family is happiest when they are well rested. Which means sticking to regular nap times--my babies and toddlers have needed the rest, and I have needed a break.

The idea of regular nap schedule isn't the only means of being well rested. Sometimes the idea of sticking to regular nap times results in little ones' inability to be flexible, resulting in miserable special occasions.

 

[mjkacmom]

The idea of regular nap schedule isn't the only means of being well rested. Sometimes the idea of sticking to regular nap times results in little ones' inability to be flexible, resulting in miserable special occasions.

Or not. It worked absolutely perfect for my 5, especially the twins. What works for one may not work for another, with 5 under 7 my home worked like a daycare, with schedules.

 

[PlainJane]

The idea of regular nap schedule isn't the only means of being well rested. Sometimes the idea of sticking to regular nap times results in little ones' inability to be flexible, resulting in miserable special occasions.

My kid can nap on the go in the car, but he stopped being able to reliably nap in public around 6 months. It completely depends on the child. My son is also a VERY light sleeper, just like my husband (I can sleep through planes landing). My husband is the youngest of three, so you would think he would have adapted, but he did not. My son cannot sleep through loud noises (like vacuum cleaners, as was mentioned by some), some things are nature not nurture depending on the child (I completely believe some kids can adapt to sleeping through loud noises, I just don't think my son is one of them). We are not super strict about nap times, I just try to put him down when he's tired which pretty reliably happens between 10-12. If we're going to be out, I try to time it so he can have a car nap. If we can put him in a travel crib in a dark quiet room, that is also an option for us.

Most of my son's inflexibilities are innate not taught. Some children are more flexible and adaptable.

 

[cabanafrau]

Or not. It worked absolutely perfect for my 5, especially the twins. What works for one may not work for another, with 5 under 7 my home worked like a daycare, with schedules.

Hence my use of the word sometimes.

Ironically mine is the comment you respond to suggesting that one size doesn't fit all, NOT the one I replied to that agreed with your method in absolute terms.

 

[Jennabeth]

Remember, college (and job) applications don't ask if you were breast or bottle fed, used cloth or disposable diapers; sucked a thumb, pacifier or nothing; were worn by you mother, co-slept or slept in a separate room; what age you slept through the night, started solids or were potty trained. You have to make the best decisions you can as a mother without being able to predict the future and it is okay to change your mind.

 

[quandrea]

My MIL taught me this as well. Now they sleep through anything!

I used to be this way until dd came along. If I so much as walked past her room, she would wake up. She just wasn’t a kid who would sleep through anything. When I put her down, I’d put the dogs down for nap too and then I’d go rest/relax as well. She was one of a set of twins, so I needed the rest anyway.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I posted already, but have been reading along. - I definitely see both sides of the nap thing! We had flexible phases and more scheduled ones, but it always seemed like as soon as I adjusted fully to one pattern, DS would move on to the next one!

 

[DopeyDame]

It's just a phase. It's ALL a phase. Just when you think you have your little one figured out, that phase will pass and there will be a new challenge. This is both amazingly wonderful (like when they finally move out of a phase that is miserable/stressful) and amazingly sad (like when you realize just how quickly they move from one phase to the next, and that your little one isn't so little any more.)

 

[indimom]

To some extent you will have to find your own way with this new little person who has feelings/traits/habits of his own. I've enjoyed every post on this thread because it really does show that everyone goes through the same "testing the waters" when it comes to their children.
Some of the tips or tricks mentioned here worked great for mine, others didn't work AT ALL, epic fails (and it doesn't even matter which tips they were). My personal kid or kids just didn't respond to those methods. And that's okay. We found our own way. You will find your as well.
Just try to enjoy the ride. Mine are 20 and 17. Those years are gone before you know it...

 

[minneylovesmicky]

Congratulations, you are in for an awesome ride.

If your baby seems ill, don’t let any medical professionals make you feel inadequate, just because you are a first time parent.

Go with your gut, you know your child best, if something with them, doesn’t seem right, keep pushing. Remember you are your babies voice, use it, stand up for them.

My daughter was quite sickly as a baby and I got the “oh you are a first time mum, you are just over reacting, she will be fine” quite often.

Get a second, third or even fourth opinion.


Hug them, kiss them, tell them you love them every day. Enjoy each day, it all goes so fast. Sit down and just enjoy them.

Tell them you are proud of them, in everything they do.