Help some first time parents: what do you wish you knew then?

[MrsDuck]

I had our baby boy a little over 2 weeks ago. It has been absolutely wonderful but certainly an adjustment! We are settling in as best we can and are lucky to have family nearby. I know the DIS is a wealth of info and we are looking for any tips, tricks, and wise words from veteran parents about surviving this first year and all that comes with it.

So, help some sleepy parents out... what do you wish you knew as a first time parent?

 

[luvsJack]

Oh, how sweet! New babies are just the best!

First off, when the baby sleeps, you sleep. You can dust and mop some other time. Make everything as easy and disposable as possible. After a few weeks, you will adjust and get back to cleaning and cooking, right now, don't worry about it. Snuggle on down with that little one and get some sleep!

Second, enjoy every second. Don't worry about "when will he sleep all night" "when do I start feeding him cereal" "when will he get off the bottle" etc., etc. etc. Just enjoy each little stage as it comes. Up at night? Take the time to enjoy just you and him in the quiet. Slow down and take time to soak up the memories.

Don't worry so much. Don't compare to other babies or other mom's!.

Just love that little one, you will make the right choices, its called mother's intuition for a reason!

 

[Mizzoufan]

Its okay if your house isnt clean 24/7.
Babies needs to be around a few germs to build up the immune system.
It's okay for babies to cry it out

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Just because the child got a full belly 30 minutes ago doesn’t mean it’s not hungry right now.

 

[cabanafrau]

Buckle up and keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. It's a wild ride, but the most satisfying one you'll ever board! Congrats on your new little one.

 

[kimblebee]

Relax! If you make a mistake, you aren’t screwing them up for life.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

It goes fast so enjoy. My son will be 18 in 3 months. It literally feels like i just had him last week.

 

[RangerPooh]

It's ok if you are not a perfect parent. Let the dishes pile up (or use paper and plastic) and order take out. Shower and nap when he naps. If you have to bring the baby into the bathroom with you just to use the toilet or shower, then do it. Privacy is a thing of the past anyways, lol. Take shifts when possible, and don't forget to recognize the effort that both you and your partner are putting in. The first few weeks is challenging but worth it.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I think the hardest part for me was my second one no one explained about colic. And I guess for my first one how to bathe a baby. I really wanted to sleep but I had to go work.

So if you have that time sleep and enjoy the time and get to know your baby. Take everything one day at a time. And congrats on the new baby!!

 

[Marchand63]

Relax
Enjoy
Sleep when they sleep
Shower fast then sleep when they sleep
Solid food, Dr is not always right.
All books are more like guidelines, there are no cookie cutter babies

Take 20 million pictures and record their little sounds. I still have recordings of my now 32yo at most stages 0-6 yrs.

Oh don't worry if they don't always eat on schedule they will not starve themselves. They will eat when they are hungry.

Last but least you will screw up, we all do/did. Don't sweat it. Embrace it & laugh at it.

You got this!!!!

 

[Praying Colonel]

Start saving for college now. That stuff's expensive!

 

[mjkacmom]

I wish someone had told me those first 6 weeks ago are HARD, sleep deprivation sucks, and just because you might be miserable here and there doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. It’s not always fun and sweet. However, at some point, every day gets better, your baby will do something amazing almost e dry day that will bring joy, smile, coo, laugh - and it will make those first weeks so worth it.

Also, having 5, I found a lot of their temperaments to be nature vs. nurture, so those babies who only cry when they need something, or feed easily, or who sleep 12 hour stretches at 4 weeks, just have lucky parents. They areny doing anything you are not.

 

[jevs]

All of the above plus, everyone has an opinion on how to do things which can be nightmarish.

Forget saving for college, you have the teen years to save for first - they do not STOP eating.

 

[scrhsa]

That not all my babies would be so easy or sleep so well!!!

 

[tzolkin]

Also, having 5, I found a lot of their temperaments to be nature vs. nurture, so those babies who only cry when they need something, or feed easily, or who sleep 12 hour stretches at 4 weeks, just have lucky parents. They areny doing anything you are not.

This is something I tell people as well.

I thought all of my daughter’s positive traits/behaviors were the direct result of my parenting techniques... until I had another child.

And, along that same thread, just because something works for one baby/child does not mean that it’s the “right” method for every child.

 

[VandVsmama]

Some lessons I've learned over the years:

Newborn phase:

• Be prepared to feel like you'll never sleep again.
• Once your baby sleeps for 4 hr in a row for the first time ever, you'll wake up with a start and think, "OMG! The baby died of SIDS!"
• Take your girlfriend's offer to go out to dinner or lunch w/her while your DH/SO takes care of the baby.
• Breastfeeding does NOT come naturally or instinctively to most moms. You need advice and support from others who have "been there, done that."
• If breastfeeding doesn't work out, don't feel guilty. If you're feeding your baby, then you're a good mom.
• Breastfeeding is a lot of work. My $250 breastpump was a life saver and it was totally worth all the money I spent on it.
• when people come to visit the baby in this stage, they should be there to help you. THEY bring you food, help do some dishes, etc. Before anybody touches the baby, they wash their hands.
• And no kissing the baby if you don't want the visitors to. Don't listen to them if they get offended. You're the mom. You have full veto power. They do not.
• Sleep when the baby sleeps. If mama and baby are well rested and healthy, then nothing else matters.

Infants:

• Just when you've figured them out, they change on you and you're left wondering, "WTH do I do now?" This is normal.
• I wish that I had cut out dairy with ODD. It would have eliminated all of her gas and colic problems. 48 hr after removing all dairy from my diet w/YDD, YDD turned from the demon child to a cherubic little angel.
• Both kids grew out of their dairy sensitivity.
• It's a good thing that babies are so adorable because sometimes they are not so nice to be around. Like the first time your baby gets a stomach virus and projectile vomits all over the inside of the car. Or all over you. Or the first time your baby has explosive diarrhea that runs downs her leg and then she wipes it on the crib. It will feel like Germ Armageddon. But you will get through it.
• Moms of babies often get really defensive about THEIR choices for THEIR baby and will often take offense if you are doing things differently than they are. Just ignore their insecurities and do things your way.
• Sometimes grandparents get weird about you asking or not asking them for advice on child rearing. Just ignore what they say and do things your way.
• If your baby ends up in daycare, expect the baby to be sick once a month for the first three years of her/his life. Expect that you will get sick a lot, too. It sucks. But once you're through the 3's, it tapers off A LOT!
• If you suspect that your baby is really really sick, listen to your gut. Take baby to the doctor. If your spidey sense is telling you to go to the ER, GO. I've been right more times than I've been wrong by listening to my gut.
• It's not the end of the world if you don't grow all your own organic vegetables, if you don't use cloth diapers, if you decide to circumcise your son (if you have a boy), or if you decide to let your baby cry it out.

Misc:

• Be prepared to say goodbye to a clean house for the next 5 years.
• Once potty training begins, say hello to pee & poop accidents on a regular basis. And yes, both of my kids potty trained completely naked and they both had moments where they dropped a deuce on the family room floor in front of the TV after sitting on that dang potty chair for 30 min or more. Carpet cleaner is your friend.
• When your child gets older and gets the stomach flu, it's a glorious day when he/she reaches the point of maturity where he/she can barf in a container and not puke all over the carpet.
• 3 yr old is pretty normal for a child to be ready to begin potty training. Especially if it's the first born child.
• Despite what you may think at the time, your child will not graduated from high school still in diapers.

 

[Mizzoufan]

If it makes you feel better they may not sleep as infants or babies. They will sleep not stop as teens

 

[sam_gordon]

Here's what I wish I would have done...

Get a notebook. Take notes of things you want to remember. This isn't so much the "first haircut", "first steps", "first doctor's appointment" type of thing but you can include that if you want. It's the "I carried you around on a pillow for three days because I was afraid I was going to drop you." The "I remember your laugh when I chased you on the floor when you were two." The "Your look of wonderment when you stepped into the MK for the first time at age 4." "Your mom and I were so worried when you went to Kindergarten, we followed the bus to school and waited until you got in the school."

These are all true stories BTW.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Here's what I wish I would have done...

Get a notebook. Take notes of things you want to remember. This isn't so much the "first haircut", "first steps", "first doctor's appointment" type of thing but you can include that if you want. It's the "I carried you around on a pillow for three days because I was afraid I was going to drop you." The "I remember your laugh when I chased you on the floor when you were two." The "Your look of wonderment when you stepped into the MK for the first time at age 4." "Your mom and I were so worried when you went to Kindergarten, we followed the bus to school and waited until you got in the school."

These are all true stories BTW.

YES!!!

The best stories are the ones that aren't about the first hair cut, but rather the first time you changed a really nasty diaper.

My tip? Try not to worry so much.

 

[Klayfish]

Lots of great advice here. One thing I'll add, because I learned the hard way...

Let them cry. It's OK, really. When DS13 was born, I refused to let him cry himself to sleep. From the time he was something like 6 months old to 2 years old, I'd spend half of my night patting his butt or just trying to coddle him to sleep (ride in the car, etc...). There was nothing wrong with him...he wasn't hungry, thirsty, dirty diaper...he just wanted someone to coddle him to sleep. I got very little sleep and it was a mess. When the twins were born, I had learned my lesson. A few nights of letting them cry and all was well.