Help some first time parents: what do you wish you knew then?

[Skippy918]

• When your child gets older and gets the stomach flu, it's a glorious day when he/she reaches the point of maturity where he/she can barf in a container and not puke all over the carpet.

Yes on this!! My son ate too much thanksgiving weekend and he actually made it to the toilet to puke! He’s 9. Last time he puked it was in his bed everywhere all over everything.

 

[Skippy918]

If you are breastfeeding and having issues, see a lactation consultant sooner rather than later.
Sleeping when the baby sleeps does not always work. Inevitably when you put them down and then go lie down, they wake up. For me it was a lost cause. They preferred to sleep on me during nap times and moving them was a bad idea.
You will get a full night sleep at some point. Mine were both over a year old before they slept straight thru the night.
Going back to work was really hard. The sleep deprivation didn’t help.

 

[piccolopat]

Maybe a little early for this trick but one that worked well for me. I would only use the playpen when I really needed DD to be out of my way. I put her favorite toys in the playpen and she loved when she was "allowed" to go in there.

 

[rodeo65]

Lots of great advice here. One thing I'll add, because I learned the hard way...

Let them cry. It's OK, really. When DS13 was born, I refused to let him cry himself to sleep. From the time he was something like 6 months old to 2 years old, I'd spend half of my night patting his butt or just trying to coddle him to sleep (ride in the car, etc...). There was nothing wrong with him...he wasn't hungry, thirsty, dirty diaper...he just wanted someone to coddle him to sleep. I got very little sleep and it was a mess. When the twins were born, I had learned my lesson. A few nights of letting them cry and all was well.

Completely agree with this and I had the same lesson. The endless hours of walking with him on my shoulder... With DD I just put her down and her crying maybe lasted a couple of minutes. I was calmer of course with a second too, so different vibe all around.

And also agree with everyone who said enjoy as much as you can - the years slip by at warp speed! Now we're into the start of the driving years...and whole new levels of terror!!

 

[MamaLema]

I guess I just wish I was more prepared for how much exhaustion there will be those first few weeks and months, like my eyes literally had a burning feeling every day.

Back then there wasn’t internet and all these support groups to reassure you what’s normal.

 

[CT Yankee]

These are all great tips. Congratulations on your baby - enjoy every second.
The best newborn tip I received was from my mother (who had six kids so she knew what she was talking about!): Always have some kind of background noise on in the house so that the baby gets used to being able to fall asleep in any environment. It can be music, the tv, talk radio, news - pretty much anything. The baby gets used to all kinds of sounds and can stay asleep even if there is some noise in the house - otherwise you will have to walk on eggshells whenever the baby is sleeping. My preferred background noise source was C-SPAN. It was pretty boring and just people talking, so I'm sure it helped put my kids to sleep. I actually learned a thing or two about our government during those days...

 

[design_mom]

Listen to different viewpoints, then go with your gut. Don't do something just because someone else thinks it's the "right thing." Parenting gets a lot more fun when you learn to trust your instincts.

 

[SmallWorld71]

This is something I tell people as well.

I thought all of my daughter’s positive traits/behaviors were the direct result of my parenting techniques... until I had another child.

And, along that same thread, just because something works for one baby/child does not mean that it’s the “right” method for every child.

This! I thought I was such an amazing mother, then DD came along. Good lord! She about did us in. If she had been the first, she probably would have been an only child. I used to bribe her brothers on occasion to let her sleep in their room just so I could get her away from me for a while. She turned from the baby from h*ll into the sweetest child, though. Of course, now she’s a teenager....

My advice: ignore the strangers who feel the need to tell you what you are doing wrong. And remember, those people on Facebook who claim to have perfect families, they are liars.

Congratulations!

 

[NAB]

inter change a blanket or toy they favour , that why if you lose one you have a back up they will still like.

Don't turn on the lights when feeding at night. Feed mine by street light or dim light in room...lol Because it was not play time it was feed and go back to bed time. My sister used to stay up and play with hers and then asked how mine went back to sleep...lol

Enjoy that baby they grow up so fast that is no lie. Blink and they are a teenager.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

These are all great tips. Congratulations on your baby - enjoy every second.
The best newborn tip I received was from my mother (who had six kids so she knew what she was talking about!): Always have some kind of background noise on in the house so that the baby gets used to being able to fall asleep in any environment. It can be music, the tv, talk radio, news - pretty much anything. The baby gets used to all kinds of sounds and can stay asleep even if there is some noise in the house - otherwise you will have to walk on eggshells whenever the baby is sleeping. My preferred background noise source was C-SPAN. It was pretty boring and just people talking, so I'm sure it helped put my kids to sleep. I actually learned a thing or two about our government during those days...

I agree. I was young when i had my son and lived with my mom. She told me to make noise when he was sleeping. She also refused to stop living when he was sleeping so she would vacuum, play music, clean, etc while he slept in his play pen in the living room. I did the same thing when i had my daughter years later. My kids could sleep thru anything. It’s kinda scary at times because they can even sleep thru smoke alarms. But it made vacation and Disney trips much easier. No tip toeing around after they fell asleep or in the mornings.

 

[jt'smom]

Let whatever well-meaning mothers or mother inlaws say, go in one ear, and out the other. Breast feed, bottle feed, just feed however works for you and don't let anyone bully you either way with "facts or statistics". Nap with your baby if that is the only way to catch some sleep. Don't feel guilty if you mourn your loss of freedom... it's totally normal, and anyone who says they didn't get twinges of this are lying through their teeth, especially to themselves, lol. Indulge yourself to just sit and stare at that baby for an hour to really soak up how wonderful that little miracle of life is. Remember that even if you feel like dookie, haven't showered in 2 days, and want to cry because your fabulous pregnancy hair is falling out, your husband still loves you and thinks you're beautiful. Babies don't need entertainment, so don't feel pressured to make sure they are happy beyond eating-sleeping-clean diaper-loving. And lastly, try and take a little time for yourself, even if it's an hour sitting in your car in the driveway, while someone watches the baby, so you can recharge and have "me" time, because you are still important too

 

[Sabeking]

1. I had to learn not to compare my kids abilities, personalities, smarts, growth, emotions, etc... to others kids. I used to listen to other parents and worry if my kid wasn't doing ( fill in the blank!) My kids honestly enjoyed playing in the back yard more than organized sports, ballet, or whatever. My kids are the epitome of average and could not be happier.
2. Struggles can be good. It humbles them and teaches them to look back and see how far they have come.
3. Prepare your child for the way; not the way for the child.
4. Forgive yourself; you will make mistakes. We all do and the majority of those mistakes are NOT the end of the world!!!!
5. Love them to pieces. I know you will!!!

 

[Tinijocaro]

My best parenting advice is:
NEVER SAY NEVER. About anything related to parenting or what your child will or will not ever do. Just don't say it and you won't have to eat your parenting words.

 

[Sabeking]

My best parenting advice is:
NEVER SAY NEVER. About anything related to parenting or what your child will or will not ever do. Just don't say it and you won't have to eat your parenting words.

You are so right. My husband SWORE to my neighbor that Barney ( the purple dinosaur) would never be played in our home. She even bought us a video and he refused to put it in. I'm no dummy, I put that video on and silence from the children ensued! My DH never opened his mouth once when I put it on after that!!!

 

[Tattylou]

The newborn stage can be hard....really hard. It's ok if it doesn't feel "amazing" and "magical" to have a new baby. Sometimes I felt like I was just surviving. It gets better. You'll get a routine and your baby will start to show his personality.
You will love him like you've never loved anyone before. If that isn't there yet, it will come. You'll also worry about him like you've never worried about anyone before.
If your friends or siblings don't have babies, find a mommy and me group or another new mom group. I met the best friend I've ever had when our kids were infants at a lactation support group 9 years ago. We have been through so much together as moms and as friends. I am so thankful she has been on this mom journey with me. It has also been good for our kids - they have grown up together.
My boys are 7 and 9. Being their mom has been the most wonderful and challenging experience of my life. This thread is full of good advice. You will be just fine. It just happens. You just do it and you will do your best and it will be fine....good even.....amazing and magical sometimes too.

 

[PollyannaMom]

So, help some sleepy parents out... what do you wish you knew as a first time parent?

You've gotten great advice so far. I especially agree with keeping a journal (even a "one-line a day" type in a planner) and letting the housework go a little to sleep when the baby sleeps! - You will be better at every part of this if you're not exhausted.

Some little practical tips:
Put one of those hanging organizers like they make for in the car on the back of the highchair to store bibs, washcloths, etc. in easy reach.

Take a picture of the baby in the same spot every month and you'll have a great "watch me grow" frame or scrapbook page later!

 

[maxaroni]

Congratulations. Raising my DS24 has been the best, most rewarding journey of my life. However, it was not always easy and those first few weeks were no exception. I hit a wall at 5 weeks when the exhaustion just did me in. I had to lay down before I collapsed. DH was home so that was good. One of the best bits of advice I received in those early weeks was this: Have a list of “to do” items, if you get 1 thing done on the list, consider it a successful day. Now, this could be to get a shower in, get dressed, or any basic household chores. Eventually, you will get 2 things done, then 3, then 4, etc. Enjoy it all as time flies.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Lots of good advice above.

I had twins, and was naturally more of a puppy person so at times I was a little overwhelmed, and memories are a bit of a blur. But now that they're grown, looking back I can see some of the things that we did right.

We helped our kids develop a love of animals. It's a nice gift. Pets are nice to have as they are comical, calming, and love unconditionally. Even if you don't or can't have a pet yourselves, you can still help your child develop a love of animals. (There is some evidence, too, that being around them can help prevent allergies. https://www.webmd.com/allergies/news/20110613/pets-may-reduce-childrens-allergy-risk )

It's great if you have a close family, but even if you don't, or don't have family nearby, you can foster friendships. Having a solid group of friends during the school ages helps a lot with kids' self esteem. We took it a step further and developed a solid group of friends - adults and kids - when our kids were in kindergarten and it took them and us through high school and beyond.

Help your kids to develop a passion about something, or at least some likes. Sports, music, crafts, volunteering, 4H, bowling, scouting, something. It is nice to be a part of something, and friendships are fostered through shared activities.

It's nice to have family time and traditions that are all your own. Disney is a big one for many of us here, right? We have lots of other ones, too, and kids really come to appreciate them as they grow up.

A lot of people told me not to wish time away, and they were right. Because we always say, "I can't wait for such and such, or until the baby's old enough to blah, blah, blah". I agree with others who've said to just enjoy every minute because each day is precious, and time goes by very fast.

Congratulations, and enjoy your baby boy!

 

[mom2rtk]

"Nobody ever died from lack of sleep".

Just keep repeating.

It got me through many a long night.

Hang in there. I know it's cliche, but it really does go way too fast. Don't wish any of the stages away. They all have parts to be cherished.

 

[tcufrog]

1. Sometimes being a parent sucks. It’s okay to feel this way.

2. It’s okay if you and your spouse parent in shifts where one person sleeps while the awake one takes care of the awake baby.

3. If you breastfeed it’s okay to supplement with formula if you’re not able to pump enough to be away from the baby. This includes you sleeping while your spouse gives a bottle.

4. Introduce a bottle early and consistently give them to your baby even if you are breastfeeding. The experts talk about nipple confusion but I had to introduce the bottle to DS6 than to DS10. DS10 fought it but DS6 took it easily. After all if you get sick or can’t breastfeed for some reason you need to know that your baby will eat.

5. It’s okay to say “no” and set boundaries with your extended family.

6. Take care yourself. If you’re in bad shape you can’t effectively parent.

7. Try baby wearing. It’s amazing what you can get done while wearing a happy baby.