Severely need advice

[Pea-n-Me]

An alcoholic's liver is a damaged liver so it doesn't function like a healthy one.

And to add to that, a brain bathed in alcohol isn't a brain that's going to function well, either, or make good decisions. This does negatively affect the whole body.

 

[marcyleecorgan]

If your best friend said all this to you, what advice would you give?
Stop making excuses for him: he is an adult and life has consequences for adults who try to party like they are 16 again. He is endangering you and the baby and he will continue to do so.
Therapy, support groups , an exit plan and a divorce lawyer on consultation should be your priorities

 

[Wishing on a star]

He has a problem.
A very very serious problem.
You have a problem...
This is not new....
This will NOT get better. Only worse. Unless he is willing to talk to you about this and get some help, immediately.
Whether you want to deal with this, and/or bring children into the picture to have to deal with this..... that is your choice, and nobody can dictate to you what to do.
You came here for advice. DESPERATE for some advice.
You know the answer.

You at LEAST should go check out AL-Anon.

I will say that, as for me.... I would make some decisions and make some real changes, right away.
I would not choose to stay in your current situation.
Not only the alcohol, but the lying, lack of trust, etc....

 

[RUDisney]

If your best friend said all this to you, what advice would you give?

This is the best advice that I can give, too. What would you say to someone else who is going through this?

 

[VandVsmama]

My best friend died from alcoholism and prescription drug addiction. So when I say that he's going to get worse, it's no joke. Many addicts are able to get help and are successfully in recovery. But the addict has to decide for him/herself. Usually, the person has to hit rock bottom in some way in order for that to happen. Addiction is a disease. This is not something you will be able to cure him of by throwing out the bottles of booze or by trying to cover things up for him around other people.

For the sake of you and your child, honestly, right now the best thing you can do is move out. You mentioned moving in with your parents. Do it. Your H needs to face losing everything important to him and then hopefully he will wake up and seek out help. The current situation cannot continue. You already have 1 child you have to deal with - your H. And now you have another one on the way.

Without any major life changes on your H's part, if you choose to stay with him through his downward spiral, financial ruin will be in your future as well.

 

[DLgal]

So, my dad has bipolar disorder and has been a functional alcoholic his whole life. He is a wonderful father, but was a terrible husband to my mom, mostly due to his bipolar issues, and what I now believe to be undiagnosed autism. He had a successful career and was a good provider, but it has been a hard road for my mom. He is 72 now, and my mom is STILL dealing with his issues because she divorced him once, but came back to him when she realized she needed his financial support. It's not a good situation and one I would never want for myself. In my experience (my dad was diagnosed with bipolar when I was around 4), bipolar is very similar to alcoholism in that treatment is only successful if the person is dedicated to it. Unfortunately, the bipolar meddles with the person's perception of reality and they feel invincible often so they think they are cured and stop taking meds, which causes these crazy cycles of mania and depression to worsen. Adding alcohol to the mix makes it even worse. My dad, for his part, never abused alcohol to the point where he was a danger to anyone, but he has continued to drink steadily his whole life, against the recommendation of his doctors.

I'm no psychiatrist, but this sounds like a very serious case of alcohol medicated depresssion/bipolar disorder. His inability to recognize the problem is likely due to a mental health disorder that is not allowing him to perceive things as they really are, and for that, it's not really his fault. HOWEVER, the lying, sneaking and trying to cover up the drinking are CLEAR signs of alcoholism, and even in the absence of a mental health condition, should be enough for you (OP) to put your foot down and demand change, or else you should leave. Loving someone is not enough to fix them. They have to want that for themselves and for the relationships in their life.

My husband has been battling depression for about 10 years now. He refused to get help. He self medicated. He remained high functioning, as a military officer. He was able to control his drinking and be responsible, but he tried to numb the pain with alcohol. I begged him to see a doctor, many times. Last fall, he began to seriously contemplate suicide, and one night while driving home at 80mph on the freeway, had to fight the urge to swerve the car into the center divider. He made an appointment to see a psychiatrist the next day. He told me nothing of this, but let me know 3 MONTHS later. All I knew is that he had finally seen a doctor and gotten a diagnosis and meds for depression. I had NO idea it had gotten to that point. I cried so hard when he told me that. I would have been devastated if he had gone through with his plan. His treatment so far has turned his life around, but it is still a struggle. Our marriage experienced a sort of revival when he "came back" to me as the man I fell in love with all those years ago. There is hope, but it won't come easy, and again, your husband has to first recognize the problem and then work to get better. It won't just happen, but if he values your marriage and wants to be an active parent to your baby, he will make the effort.

You need to talk with him. No more excuses.

 

[Anonymous123]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and opinions. Dh ended up waking up and coming out while I was on the couch before I even fell asleep. We had a really long talk about everything and he explained the beer cans and the liquor bottle.

He just ordered a pregnancy book recently and started reading it early yesterday morning while I was sleeping. He got pretty far which I was impressed by because he normally isn’t a reader. He told me after reading it he knew he wanted to make a change and stop drinking for at least the month of September. He wanted to show me he could change and go without it. This was his explanation for the cooler in the trunk. He said while I was at the gym he was in the process of getting rid of all of the cans he had hidden because he wanted to start fresh.

At this point, I’m willing to believe him. I told him how I felt about the mood swings and about him waking up not knowing what he’s saying. I researched something awhile ago called “sleep drunkenness” and I do believe that’s something coming into play here. It describes exactly what happens to him. It talks about when someone is woken up within the first part of their REM cycle and they aren’t able to control what they’re saying. He’s never a danger to me or to himself. He simply just doesn’t make sense because he’s basically still in a sleep state and can’t get his thoughts out the right way.

I did ask him what would happen if he has to wake up and take care of the baby. His response was he would be more alert because he knows he’ll be in charge of another human being.

As for the medication, he doesn’t take any medications. I know this for a fact because he actually used to and it seemed like it was making things worse. He takes ibuprofen throughout the day because he has chronic foot pain but that’s the only medication he takes.

We made the decision together that he has two months to show me he can change. Whether that’s to stop drinking completely or show he can have control. Otherwise I will be moving in with my parents. I absolutely do not want to do that but unfortunately it might have to come to that. He knows I’m very serious about it and I do believe he wants to see a change in himself. He wants to do this on his own without seeing someone and that’s why I’m slightly worried about but I’m not going to force him into something he’s uncomfortable with because I feel like that’s counterintuitive. He has to want to see someone otherwise he’s just there for me.

His reasoning for hiding the cans is because he says I limit how much he can drink and I do think that has been an issue. I’ve always kind of been on him about having no more than 3 beers and he needs to make that choice himself otherwise he feels like I’m his mom telling him what to do. So he hides the beer in the garage and said he’ll drink one extra beer or two in there without me knowing. He was very open about hiding them and why he felt like he needed to do that. I’ve always been a little demanding in our relationship, and it all started in high school. We were both just very obsessed with each other and it got to the point where we were almost smothering each other so it’s been an issue from the beginning. I’m not trying to make excuses for him but I do think me watching over everything he does has made him feel the need to hide the drinking. Now that doesn’t excuse him drinking slightly too much every now in then and he knows now that he needs to control himself and needs to start noticing if he’s slurring or acting differently.

I’m just trying to get all of my thoughts out there and everything we talked about last night.

 

[DLgal]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and opinions. Dh ended up waking up and coming out while I was on the couch before I even fell asleep. We had a really long talk about everything and he explained the beer cans and the liquor bottle.

He just ordered a pregnancy book recently and started reading it early yesterday morning while I was sleeping. He got pretty far which I was impressed by because he normally isn’t a reader. He told me after reading it he knew he wanted to make a change and stop drinking for at least the month of September. He wanted to show me he could change and go without it. This was his explanation for the cooler in the trunk. He said while I was at the gym he was in the process of getting rid of all of the cans he had hidden because he wanted to start fresh.

At this point, I’m willing to believe him. I told him how I felt about the mood swings and about him waking up not knowing what he’s saying. I researched something awhile ago called “sleep drunkenness” and I do believe that’s something coming into play here. It describes exactly what happens to him. It talks about when someone is woken up within the first part of their REM cycle and they aren’t able to control what they’re saying. He’s never a danger to me or to himself. He simply just doesn’t make sense because he’s basically still in a sleep state and can’t get his thoughts out the right way.

I did ask him what would happen if he has to wake up and take care of the baby. His response was he would be more alert because he knows he’ll be in charge of another human being.

As for the medication, he doesn’t take any medications. I know this for a fact because he actually used to and it seemed like it was making things worse. He takes ibuprofen throughout the day because he has chronic foot pain but that’s the only medication he takes.

We made the decision together that he has two months to show me he can change. Whether that’s to stop drinking completely or show he can have control. Otherwise I will be moving in with my parents. I absolutely do not want to do that but unfortunately it might have to come to that. He knows I’m very serious about it and I do believe he wants to see a change in himself. He wants to do this on his own without seeing someone and that’s why I’m slightly worried about but I’m not going to force him into something he’s uncomfortable with because I feel like that’s counterintuitive. He has to want to see someone otherwise he’s just there for me.

His reasoning for hiding the cans is because he says I limit how much he can drink and I do think that has been an issue. I’ve always kind of been on him about having no more than 3 beers and he needs to make that choice himself otherwise he feels like I’m his mom telling him what to do. So he hides the beer in the garage and said he’ll drink one extra beer or two in there without me knowing. He was very open about hiding them and why he felt like he needed to do that. I’ve always been a little demanding in our relationship, and it all started in high school. We were both just very obsessed with each other and it got to the point where we were almost smothering each other so it’s been an issue from the beginning. I’m not trying to make excuses for him but I do think me watching over everything he does has made him feel the need to hide the drinking. Now that doesn’t excuse him drinking slightly too much every now in then and he knows now that he needs to control himself and needs to start noticing if he’s slurring or acting differently.

I’m just trying to get all of my thoughts out there and everything we talked about last night.

You guys need some marriage counseling. Your issues run deeper than you think they do.

Find a LMFT in your area and make an appointment.

www.psychologytoday.com

 

[DopeyDame]

I'm glad you had a long and serious talk last night, and I'm glad you made a very specific agreement about what he has to do and when.
Now, PLEASE, still go to alanon or a therapist who specialized in substance abuse issues. You'll need all sorts of support in the next two months, and also will need help realistically evaluating what's happening in your home. Your DH will need your support, and to do that, you need help from people who know more and have been where you are.

 

[VandVsmama]

This is a step in the right direction. But you need to go to some Al Anon meetings and HE needs to go to AA meetings. An addict simply will not be able to just battle it out on his own. He needs a support system...that's what recovery meetings are for.

On a certain level, he is not really taking full responsibility for his problem. Go back and re-read what you just posted but this time, look at it from a different point of view. He basically blamed YOU for his drinking problem. He basically said that it is YOUR fault that he HAD to go hide the booze and drink extra in secret. Nobody FORCED him to do that. That was a choice that he made all on his own.

In addition, you also basically said that his drinking problem IS your fault.

Adults take responsibility for their own problems. He is saying some of the right things but at the same time, isn't taking responsibility for himself. And that nonsense from him about "Oh he'll be more alert if there's a baby around and he wakes up & acts all out of it in the middle of the night?" That's just ridiculous.

Start firming up your backup plans for you & the baby.

 

[wgeo]

OP it is soo good that you and your husband talked about things. However, I think it's rather concerning how you somehow have accepted the blame for his drinking in secret? That doesn't sound healthy. Please please seek out additional counseling for yourself. He very much should be seeking counseling as well, but you are right that you cannot force him. But you definitely need someone to help you work out what you are going through right now, as unfortunately it sounds like he is manipulating the situation to put you in a bad light and refuse to take responsibility for himself.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and opinions. Dh ended up waking up and coming out while I was on the couch before I even fell asleep. We had a really long talk about everything and he explained the beer cans and the liquor bottle.

He just ordered a pregnancy book recently and started reading it early yesterday morning while I was sleeping. He got pretty far which I was impressed by because he normally isn’t a reader. He told me after reading it he knew he wanted to make a change and stop drinking for at least the month of September. He wanted to show me he could change and go without it. This was his explanation for the cooler in the trunk. He said while I was at the gym he was in the process of getting rid of all of the cans he had hidden because he wanted to start fresh.

At this point, I’m willing to believe him. I told him how I felt about the mood swings and about him waking up not knowing what he’s saying. I researched something awhile ago called “sleep drunkenness” and I do believe that’s something coming into play here. It describes exactly what happens to him. It talks about when someone is woken up within the first part of their REM cycle and they aren’t able to control what they’re saying. He’s never a danger to me or to himself. He simply just doesn’t make sense because he’s basically still in a sleep state and can’t get his thoughts out the right way.

I did ask him what would happen if he has to wake up and take care of the baby. His response was he would be more alert because he knows he’ll be in charge of another human being.

As for the medication, he doesn’t take any medications. I know this for a fact because he actually used to and it seemed like it was making things worse. He takes ibuprofen throughout the day because he has chronic foot pain but that’s the only medication he takes.

We made the decision together that he has two months to show me he can change. Whether that’s to stop drinking completely or show he can have control. Otherwise I will be moving in with my parents. I absolutely do not want to do that but unfortunately it might have to come to that. He knows I’m very serious about it and I do believe he wants to see a change in himself. He wants to do this on his own without seeing someone and that’s why I’m slightly worried about but I’m not going to force him into something he’s uncomfortable with because I feel like that’s counterintuitive. He has to want to see someone otherwise he’s just there for me.

His reasoning for hiding the cans is because he says I limit how much he can drink and I do think that has been an issue. I’ve always kind of been on him about having no more than 3 beers and he needs to make that choice himself otherwise he feels like I’m his mom telling him what to do. So he hides the beer in the garage and said he’ll drink one extra beer or two in there without me knowing. He was very open about hiding them and why he felt like he needed to do that. I’ve always been a little demanding in our relationship, and it all started in high school. We were both just very obsessed with each other and it got to the point where we were almost smothering each other so it’s been an issue from the beginning. I’m not trying to make excuses for him but I do think me watching over everything he does has made him feel the need to hide the drinking. Now that doesn’t excuse him drinking slightly too much every now in then and he knows now that he needs to control himself and needs to start noticing if he’s slurring or acting differently.

I’m just trying to get all of my thoughts out there and everything we talked about last night.

I'm sorry, but I hear a lot of beating around the bush here.

Repeat after me: "I am a Mom now. My baby is dependent on me making good decisions for us. DH is either fully with us, or he's not. No exceptions."

This needs to be clear in your head.

 

[lifesavacation]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. My advice is to get couples therapy. I’m not willing to speculate like most here that your dh is an alcoholic, but there are some definite red flags in your posts. It’s not normal for adults to hide drinking. The only person I’ve ever known to hide drinking from his wife who wasn’t an alcoholic was a Mormon and his wife would not have approved of any drinking.

It’s stressful being a new parent so really work to try and get these issues addressed before the baby comes.

Congrats on your pregnancy

 

[jodybird511]

The content of the long discussion with your husband is....concerning. It seems doubtful that your husband is being honest with you. Additionally, I agree with others who suggested that he may be using other substances in concert with the alcohol. Finally, your husband is highly unlikely to be able to stop this on his own. He needs treatment. I say all this as someone who works in the mental health and substance abuse field.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Btw, The Rule

Hi. I have an issue that I seriously need help with. My husband has been hiding alcohol containers from me for years and I’m about to my end with it.

We’ve been together for 9 years and married for 3 of those. We’re both under 30 so not very old. I never really thought he had an issue with alcohol but this is really worrying me. We drank some in high school but once we got to college we said we wouldn’t drink anymore. I never noticed him drinking until we rented our first house. I started noticing the bottles in the basement and he said they were from the previous renters. I kind of just gave him the benefit of the doubt because he never seemed to act weird.

Fast forward to us buying our own house and I still am not drinking at all. Dh says he wants to drink occasionally which I was against but I tried being okay with a couple here and there. I then found A LOT of hidden bottles and cans in our basement like he had stockpiled them over time. There were times he would wake up and not know what he was doing or what he was saying. He woke up once and puked all over the bed. After talking to a doctor she told him it was depression and lack of sleep. So we went off that and worked on those issues but the “loopiness” continued.

Fast forward again and we moved to a new house across the country with no family nearby. I don’t have anyone here to talk to about this except texting with my parents. It got so bad one night that I left and went to a hotel. The thing is he doesn’t appear to be drinking very much. When he’s around me it’s just 3-4 beers and that shouldn’t affect him but his words start slurring and he gets sooo annoying. He talks nonstop and switches moods like crazy. My parents visited not too long ago and witnessed him starting to act a little different after having a few beers. Dh and I had a long talk and agreed we would both work on our issues: me not controlling what he drinks so he can be in control and him working on his control.

Tonight I went to workout for 45 minutes and came back to an annoying Dh. I didn’t smell alcohol on his breath but he had gum and ate mints. I asked if he had anything to drink and he said no that he was just tired. I practically had to force him to go to bed since he works tomorrow morning. I then went to search the garage and found 4 beer cans and a small bottle of fireball in a red cooler in his trunk. I know he had those tonight because I just put that red cooler away today in our kitchen. He woke up and said he was going to the bathroom. None of his sentences made sense and he had no idea what he was saying.

Here’s the kicker: I’m 7 weeks pregnant and I just can’t do this anymore. I am so stressed all the time waiting for the next time he’ll act “loopy”. I don’t get why so few drinks can affect him the way it does. He refuses to go see someone and thinks he has it under control but he clearly doesn’t.

Is there any hope? I’m severely close to flying back home and living with my parents but I love him so much and I just can’t think about leaving him.

But I can’t just keep sitting around and waiting when I have a kid on the way. I cried for an hour tonight after finding those cans and the bottle. All of this stress can’t be good for the baby and could likely lead to a miscarriage. We’ve talked through our issues and he always says he’ll change but I just don’t see it.

His drinking causes many problems because he is unaware of his surroundings and doesn’t make any sense when he talks. My parents noticed him stumbling some and starting to slur his words. He blames this on his lisp.

I’m not sure I can wait and go through with this for 8 more months. I can’t keep sitting on my couch crying for hours by myself

Thank you everyone for your replies. I think some of what I said got turned into a little more severe than it actually is. He’s only gotten sick twice in the last 3 years. It’s not like he throws up every week or anything like that. I’m not making excuses for him but don’t want anyone thinking it’s a regular thing. Both times were after he fell asleep.

The whole not knowing what he’s saying or doing only happens after he’s been asleep and wakes up again after sleeping for about an hour or less. It’s always when he wakes up and has to go to the bathroom. Again this doesn’t happen all the time but happens more frequently than the puking. It only happens when he forgets to go to the bathroom before bed.

The thing that I’ve been noticing more often is the free talking and mood swings. It’s gotten to the point where I dread weekends because that’s when I notice it most. He’ll come home from work on Friday and talk nonstop. Normally he’s a quieter guy and he says that’s because I talk so much (which I’ve been working on because I really do talk too much). He’ll get all lovey and then when he notices I’m annoyed and don’t respond he’ll say “fine I just won’t talk” and gets pouty. This literally happens like every weekend now. It’s like he’s a child. When he gets this way I just try to force him to go to bed.

I typed up a huge email but I’m thinking I won’t send it to him. It’s probably better if we talk in person. I’m currently laying on our couch because I just can’t go lay by him in bed. I’m sure he’ll wake up in the morning and be confused. I’m not sure how I’ll confront him tomorrow but I plan to wait until after work so he doesn’t have to deal with it at work

I guess I’m just wondering if it really is alcohol related or something else is going on? He’s talked to doctors and they’ve told him it’s sleep or depression, but never alcohol related. So that’s what he believes

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and opinions. Dh ended up waking up and coming out while I was on the couch before I even fell asleep. We had a really long talk about everything and he explained the beer cans and the liquor bottle.

He just ordered a pregnancy book recently and started reading it early yesterday morning while I was sleeping. He got pretty far which I was impressed by because he normally isn’t a reader. He told me after reading it he knew he wanted to make a change and stop drinking for at least the month of September. He wanted to show me he could change and go without it. This was his explanation for the cooler in the trunk. He said while I was at the gym he was in the process of getting rid of all of the cans he had hidden because he wanted to start fresh.

At this point, I’m willing to believe him. I told him how I felt about the mood swings and about him waking up not knowing what he’s saying. I researched something awhile ago called “sleep drunkenness” and I do believe that’s something coming into play here. It describes exactly what happens to him. It talks about when someone is woken up within the first part of their REM cycle and they aren’t able to control what they’re saying. He’s never a danger to me or to himself. He simply just doesn’t make sense because he’s basically still in a sleep state and can’t get his thoughts out the right way.

I did ask him what would happen if he has to wake up and take care of the baby. His response was he would be more alert because he knows he’ll be in charge of another human being.

As for the medication, he doesn’t take any medications. I know this for a fact because he actually used to and it seemed like it was making things worse. He takes ibuprofen throughout the day because he has chronic foot pain but that’s the only medication he takes.

We made the decision together that he has two months to show me he can change. Whether that’s to stop drinking completely or show he can have control. Otherwise I will be moving in with my parents. I absolutely do not want to do that but unfortunately it might have to come to that. He knows I’m very serious about it and I do believe he wants to see a change in himself. He wants to do this on his own without seeing someone and that’s why I’m slightly worried about but I’m not going to force him into something he’s uncomfortable with because I feel like that’s counterintuitive. He has to want to see someone otherwise he’s just there for me.

His reasoning for hiding the cans is because he says I limit how much he can drink and I do think that has been an issue. I’ve always kind of been on him about having no more than 3 beers and he needs to make that choice himself otherwise he feels like I’m his mom telling him what to do. So he hides the beer in the garage and said he’ll drink one extra beer or two in there without me knowing. He was very open about hiding them and why he felt like he needed to do that. I’ve always been a little demanding in our relationship, and it all started in high school. We were both just very obsessed with each other and it got to the point where we were almost smothering each other so it’s been an issue from the beginning. I’m not trying to make excuses for him but I do think me watching over everything he does has made him feel the need to hide the drinking. Now that doesn’t excuse him drinking slightly too much every now in then and he knows now that he needs to control himself and needs to start noticing if he’s slurring or acting differently.

I’m just trying to get all of my thoughts out there and everything we talked about last night.

 

[ShayBells]

My heart goes out to you. It took too long for me to leave (or kick him out) and after I can not describe the immense relief I felt. Before it was me making excuses to my family and to myself especially. I would always tell myself it wasn’t that bad. He functioned fine most of the time, but I always had the baby and I suffered from PPD. I didn’t realize how exhausting that all was until I got out of the volatile relationship. He ended up going to rehab because it was a wake up call, and as far as I can tell he’s better which is great for him and DS, but I was happier without him. And still am. I pray for you and I wish you all the best. Always remember you are not alone and there is help. Please don’t be afraid to seek it.

 

[RamblingMad]

Curious. What part of the country are you guys in?

 

[Hikergirl]

I’m not trying to make excuses for him

You may not be trying too, but you are.
He has a drinking problem. The very fact that he sneaks more than you "allow" and hides the evidence and has been for awhile (you mentioned 3 separate residences). Lying, sneaking and hiding how much you drink is pretty much the first sign you are an alcoholic. Blaming others is another.
He isn't going to change or control it because he isn't even admitting he has a problem, he is letting you take responsibility for it.
I've seen this situation and it didn't end well for anyone, especially the kids.
I wish you luck in your future.

 

[robinb]

It sounds like you are on the right track. I would also suggest that you seek couples therapy. As much as I admire many of the other posters on this thread, I would recommend against a black and while and "all or nothing", "no exceptions" approach to this. He didn't find himself in this situation overnight and he's not going to be able to work his way out of it overnight either. Don't make threats or draw lines in the sand right now or you will most certainly find yourself a single parent.

Of course, there is AA but that's not for everyone. I have a friend who is an alcoholic and it didn't work she her. She attended Smart Recovery meetings instead and started seeing a therapist. The therapist was key for her because why she was drinking was the underlying problem. If *he* wants to completely stop, both AA and Smart Recovery are good options. There are also options for alcohol moderation management, which supports a 30 day "dry" spell and then adding alcohol back in moderation. Again, pushing back on the "all or nothing" mindset. Maybe he does need to seek abstinence or maybe he just needs to exert more control over alcohol. Working with the therapist is the best way for him to find out what's best for him and for his growing family.

I hope that you will come back to this thread in a few weeks with another good update.

 

[JenSPF]

My heart breaks for you. My ex is an alcoholic. It took me over a year to leave him, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was also the best thing I've done for myself, in retrospect. I am remarried with a two year old now. I can tell you that the first year of my baby's life was excruciatingly hard for me for no reason other than having an infant is really really hard. Harder than anyone can explain to you before hand. My amazing husband and a lot of family helped get us through that first year (and are still helping). In my case it took a village and I still struggled immensely with motherhood. My heart breaks thinking about raising a baby with a man who I wouldn't trust to drive me to the hospital when it's time to have the baby, who I wouldn't trust alone with my baby, and without my family around as a support system. I hope you find the answers you're looking for. ❤