Invited to a Shrimp Boil and Told to Bring the Shrimp

[LuvOrlando]

So it sounds like last year you brought an appetizer board and desserts, which means your family of 5 adults ate the entrees but did not contribute to the entrees. It seems to me like they are saying they would prefer entree contributions.

 

[JoeA]

The only thing I have to say about this entire thing is...

O-H-

 

[Disneybuckeye]

So it sounds like last year you brought an appetizer board and desserts, which means your family of 5 adults ate the entrees but did not contribute to the entrees. It seems to me like they are saying they would prefer entree contributions. Personally, it makes sense to me because my son alone could inhale 3 lbs of shrimp without even stopping for air so that plus 4 more adults could become a thing to other people, nevermind if cocktails are also being consumed because that is a fortune. I wouldn't be offended, I'd bring what they ask and pick up store bought dessert. It's best to leave the fancy stuff for your own home because people in group settings who are drinking notice quantity not quality, it's wasted effort on this group so just make a mental note of it to not repeat in the future.

Please see my post 10 on page 1. Last year my children bought 4 pounds of shrimp so we did contribute to the main dish. DH and I spent about $50 on a charcuterie board and desserts which was our choice. Yes, I know costs have gone up and we are contributing $136 worth of shrimp to the party. The recipe they use calls for 1/2 pound of shrimp per person. Our family of 5 (with only 4 attending) is providing shrimp for 16 people. Last year they used 12 pounds so someone else is providing the other 4 pounds. There was plenty left over.

As stated in the first post everyone brings their own beverages. The hosts are not providing those. That is standard for all parties at this lake that we (and the hosting family) go to.

I would never bring a store bought dessert (but I am not on dessert this year} as last year all the store bought cookies were ignored and mine were inhaled. Plus my DD and I had fun making them.

We hosted a family dinner party earlier in the summer and smoked a brisket. We paid for the brisket and made two sides and an app. They brought their own beverages, a fruit tray, and a dessert. The dessert was what I suggested when they offered. The fruit was their choice. They also brought 5 extra friends of their kids at the last minute. Luckily we had bought a large brisket planning on left overs. As the host of my dinner party I was prepared to provide everything.

I have a problem with being told to bring most of the main part of the main entre. It is like I am paying admission to attend a dinner party they are throwing. I would have asked what they wanted me to bring, but I don't like being told before I ask. The tshirts only have their family name on them. It is their party. I also did not know this was an annual event. Last year was the first year they did it. I need to make sure we are busy next year.

Obviously they can do what they want and DH would never rock the boat with his family, but I could never host a dinner party without providing all of the main dish. That is how I was raised.

Three weeks ago we had a cove dinner for the 10 families in our cove. The family that hosted was the longest tenured in the cove and did the main dish and we all brought accompaniments. It is now going to be an annual event and we will host next year as the next longest residents in the cove. We will do the main dish and others will bring accompaniments.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

The only thing I have to say about this entire thing is...

O-H-

I-O

 

[mjkacmom]

I-O

Go Rutgers…

 

[mefordis]

I'm no sports fan either, but for your own mental sanity, you may want to avoid TX, OH, FL, GA, TN, NC - or heck, any state with a major university presence. College football's importance ranks next to god, family & country for many residents, lol. You don't schedule ANYTHING on the day of an important game - or many folks just won't come.

Basically all the midwest and southern states.

 

[kdonnel]

We have had multiple shrimp boils between the neighbors. We rotate through who provides the shrimp/crawfish, potatoes, and corn.

At any given moment someone has spent more than the others but eventually it all evens out until it is lopsided again.

It doesn’t seem all that odd a request to me.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

Go Rutgers…

This week I agree with that statement, but not the next.

 

[Cantw8]

How in the world did a shrimp thread end up being about Ohio State? I thought you Mid-Western folks hate seafood? You know..."if it comes from the sea, it don't go in me"

 

[Disneybuckeye]

We have had multiple shrimp boils between the neighbors. We rotate through who provides the shrimp/crawfish, potatoes, and corn.

At any given moment someone has spent more than the others but eventually it all evens out until it is lopsided again.

It doesn’t seem all that odd a request to me.

We went from 1/3 to 2/3 of the shrimp. Does that mean we are to do 100% next year? I better start saving more money

 

[Disneybuckeye]

How in the world did a shrimp thread end up being about Ohio State? I thought you Mid-Western folks hate seafood? You know..."if it comes from the sea, it don't go in me"
[/QUOTE

I am a shrimp fan but a boil is not my favorite.

I do prefer to talk about Ohio State so Go Bucks!

 

[kdonnel]

We went from 1/3 to 2/3 of the shrimp. Does that mean we are to do 100% next year? I better start saving more money

I would assume based on my experience with my neighbors that you would be asked to bring something cheaper next time or even nothing.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

I would assume based on my experience with my neighbors that you would be asked to bring something cheaper next time or even nothing.

That response was tongue in cheek, but as I am dealing with the outlaws who knows.

Our boat and jet ski mechanic is their neighbor and he will be there. He takes care of us at a great price. I am happy to provide shrimp for him and his wife for the great rate he gives us.

 

[BrianL]

I'm no sports fan either, but for your own mental sanity, you may want to avoid TX, OH, FL, GA, TN, NC - or heck, any state with a major university presence. College football's importance ranks next to god, family & country for many residents, lol. You don't schedule ANYTHING on the day of an important game - or many folks just won't come.

Oh yeah, there are often posts on the TPAS board asking where they can go to watch a game while at Disney World. The fans will not miss them for anything! Me, I can't imagine leaving Epcot during Food & Wine to go watch TV somewhere, but to each their own.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Please see my post 10 on page 1. Last year my children bought 4 pounds of shrimp so we did contribute to the main dish. DH and I spent about $50 on a charcuterie board and desserts which was our choice. Yes, I know costs have gone up and we are contributing $136 worth of shrimp to the party. The recipe they use calls for 1/2 pound of shrimp per person. Our family of 5 (with only 4 attending) is providing shrimp for 16 people. Last year they used 12 pounds so someone else is providing the other 4 pounds. There was plenty left over.

As stated in the first post everyone brings their own beverages. The hosts are not providing those. That is standard for all parties at this lake that we (and the hosting family) go to.

I would never bring a store bought dessert (but I am not on dessert this year} as last year all the store bought cookies were ignored and mine were inhaled. Plus my DD and I had fun making them.

We hosted a family dinner party earlier in the summer and smoked a brisket. We paid for the brisket and made two sides and an app. They brought their own beverages, a fruit tray, and a dessert. The dessert was what I suggested when they offered. The fruit was their choice. They also brought 5 extra friends of their kids at the last minute. Luckily we had bought a large brisket planning on left overs. As the host of my dinner party I was prepared to provide everything.

I have a problem with being told to bring most of the main part of the main entre. It is like I am paying admission to attend a dinner party they are throwing. I would have asked what they wanted me to bring, but I don't like being told before I ask. The tshirts only have their family name on them. It is their party. I also did not know this was an annual event. Last year was the first year they did it. I need to make sure we are busy next year.

Obviously they can do what they want and DH would never rock the boat with his family, but I could never host a dinner party without providing all of the main dish. That is how I was raised.

Three weeks ago we had a cove dinner for the 10 families in our cove. The family that hosted was the longest tenured in the cove and did the main dish and we all brought accompaniments. It is now going to be an annual event and we will host next year as the next longest residents in the cove. We will do the main dish and others will bring accompaniments.

Oh, I missed that you brought it, could it be that at the end there was an odd mix of leftovers and such that prompted the request. We used to do tons of group parties and we would always make notes on what did or didn't need more or less for next time. T
That said I do recall feeling exploited when a friend in the group started requesting we bring all the expensive ingredients for her parties because we would always ask what was needed, it stopped when I stopped getting top shelf, which she didn't want With family, I'm with DH 30 years and have had my share of weird family encounters so I totally get it. Still sometimes peace is better than being right.

Maybe it's better if you just view these things as more as a potluck picnic with organizers than a dinner party, sort of like how PTA & sports team parents coordinate stuff for group parties.

Even with them being nit-picky, for the sake of enjoying many more years of these get togethers & avoiding uncomfortable lake gatherings, I vote just go with it. The cost of a few pounds of shrimp is nothing compared to the headaches of family troubles with the winter holidays a few months off.

 

[_19disnA]

OP- IMO if a person is in the position of "host" it's in poor taste to ask a guest to bring the main protein or entree.

I agree, curious what the other 20 or so adults are being asked to bring? Are they asking everyone else to spend over $100 for their assigned items?............highly doubt it. From the initial post didn't get the impression the assignments rotate and you basically brought what you wanted in the past. Not clear what has changed. From what you posted, sounds like the host is trying to take advantage of you. Even if they are relatives, there is no reason they should be so pushy about what is being expected. I would also decline and say you can't attend this year, give whatever reason you feel is appropriate.

Whether a co-worker or relative, if you let them run over you, they will continue to take advantage. My experience is once you stand up to pushy people, they will suddenly change their tune.

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree, curious what the other 20 or so adults are being asked to bring? Are they asking everyone else to spend over $100 for their assigned items?............highly doubt it. From the initial post didn't get the impression the assignments rotate and you basically brought what you wanted in the past. Not clear what has changed. From what you posted, sounds like the host is trying to take advantage of you. Even if they are relatives, there is no reason they should be so pushy about what is being expected. I would also decline and say you can't attend this year, give whatever reason you feel is appropriate.

Whether a co-worker or relative, if you let them run over you, they will continue to take advantage. My experience is once you stand up to pushy people, they will suddenly change their tune.

The OP’s husband bought the shrimp, it’s his sister, appar this is only the second year of this event. I think it’s really up to her husband to handle it since it’s his family (only because it sounds like there are issues, with my IL’s I handle everything because they are the nicest people I know and we get along great).

 

[mjkacmom]

Frozen shrimp don't work for a boil; if they are not fresh they turn into mealy goo. Absolutely not worth bothering with. (Unlike crawfish or crabs, shrimp are not boiled live, but you need to keep them fully in the shell and with heads on to cook them properly by this method.)

1.5 lbs per person is the standard portion for a boil, but that measurement is for head-on larges; the size that non-coastal folks think of as about 20 shrimp per lb. raw weight. In practice, most people err on the side of generosity and go for a ratio of 2 lbs pp., since at a boil you usually sit around talking and munching for several hours. I just checked, and local market price for these in Coastal Louisiana was running about $8/lb before the storm; you mostly cannot get them just right now because the dock facilities were hit pretty badly, and a lot of boats are in for repair.

OP, what I would do is call your SIL and ask what the expected per-family contribution is; if yours is abnormally high, then you're really a co-host, and thus get a say in the party planning. Who is covering the price of the other boil components? Stand firm on not spending money on t-shirts since the price of the food is up so much this year; & if necessary, counter with the option of a smaller souvenir instead, like a beer koozie or a water bottle cover, with a limit of 2 per family, plus stickers the kids can put on their shirts if they want to.

(I'm on the committee for a big annual non-coastal boil for a charity. We thankfully just charge all the guests a plate fee, which varies depending on the market price of the shrimp. We normally order 3/4 of a ton for the party, so we get a good price, LOL.)

Since the husband bought the shrimp already I’m guessing (hoping) it’s frozen (here in the northeast we would use frozen as well).

 

[Sarah'sMomfrom PA]

Don't forget Penn State...people here bleed blue and white!!!

 

[Disneybuckeye]

I agree, curious what the other 20 or so adults are being asked to bring? Are they asking everyone else to spend over $100 for their assigned items?............highly doubt it.

No clue. Based on what I remember from last year there will be a couple of apps, cornbread/fancy bread and desserts plus all the items in the boil such as 4 more pounds of shrimp, sausage, corn, potatoes, onion, shrimp boil, and spices spices. It is not a very extreme menu. I am sure everyone is bringing something. The shrimp is by far the highest cost item.

I expect there to be 7-9 couples/families depending on who they invited and who can attend, 5-9 true kids, plus our 3 and their 3 adult kids.