Hi, Doe-Doe, Lulu here.
Are we silly or what?
You were in my thoughts all day. . .sometimes it's just plain hard, isn't it?! I'm sorry that you cried, but it sounds like you needed to do it--it's good to just get the emotion out! It's cleansing, as they say. Sometimes we use up so much energy just trying to keep ourselves up, it's a relief to crash for a minute!
Why do we do the things we do to ourselves? I completely understand what you're talking about as far as the marathon goes--it's an issue that surrounds the whole weight loss situation for me! I have failed so many times that I can't believe that I don't have to be perfect to succeed. I have dieted successfully and then suffered the humiliation of watching the pounds--and more--creep up! I've said to myself COUNTLESS times, "Oh, I'll lose 20 pounds by such and such a date," and I've watched the date come and go and I've felt helpless to change what's happening to me (as I stuff potato chips into my face!). Then when I'm successful, I wonder how long I'll have the energy to keep it up forever! I've always felt that to lose weight or to be healthy I have to dig deep into some secret place to muster up the courage and willpower to do it, but I've never been able to keep the energy up when the demands of real life surround me! This time, though, I feel very different. I feel like this time, I probably will fail--if failing is eating some yummy food I've chosen not to eat on a regular basis again. I will lose my cheat free clippie, and I definitely see some buttered popcorn, chocolate peanut butter brownie, and a big plate of chicken wings and beer in my future! It's OK, though, because this time when it happens, I'll dust myself off and get back in the game. When the weight comes off, it'll come off because I've making a bigger choice to take care of myself for the long haul. That's one of the things that I read in the intro (or first chapter) of Dr. Phil--if you've felt like you have to get willpower to succeed at weight loss, you're wrong. Instead you have to figure out how to succeed when you DON'T feel like being a WW or Atkins poster girl!
I've worried about the marathon, too. I've thought, "gee, if I say I'm going to do it, and I bomb out, everyone will just chalk it up to another one of my failed attempts." So, I'm just going to let myself TRY. I'm going to TRY to do the beginners training walks and if I don't feel it's right for me, I'll stop. I'd hate to disappoint anyone, but trying is all any of us can do in this life, and I think from what I've read from the WISHers, all you ladies can handle my bagging if I have to!
That's one of things I like most about these boards--the honesty.
We're able to share the good and the bad and the happy and the sad--and the silly and the crappy--and we accept each other as we are.
One things, though, that I have to question about Dr. Phil--and I haven't read enough of the book to get this whole thing--is this
"set a date and a goal weight" idea. I know that just will put too much pressure on me! I'm already number obsessive! Originally, when I started the WISH challenge, I had all kinds of numbers in mind--25 pounds by the cruise, 35 or so by the end of the year. . .I'm letting them all go. When the lbs. fall off, they fall off. Don't stand to close to me--they may hit you when they fall!
Oh, gosh, I think I've rambled on too much, Doreen. This is what happens when I hit the boards at the end of a long day! I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and then I wrote a novel! One last thought, though. . .be good to yourself. You're one person trying to be a great mom and employee--let your weight loss journey be something you do just for YOU because even though I've known you just a short time, I know you're special.
'Night,
Erin