I think I should be ashamed of myself

[Saffron]

Oh good grief! No one said they were better than anyone, or perfect or without sin, especially not me.

Forming an opinion about someone or something is human nature. How we form those opinions are different based on each individual. We all think differently. We don't all form the same opinions about anything because we are individuals!

mhopset -- I don't even understand your last post.

 

[mhopset]

Thats ok Maggie, I just wanted my thread to get over 100 responses. Thanks for helping out!

BTW where the hell is my cake?

 

[Colleen A.]

Tony, remember that stick I was telling you about? I think it's time that you take it and beat this thread to death!!

 

[mhopset]

 

[Disney Dee]

Miss Jasmine, like you, I have certainly been guilty of forming an opinion by appearances. And others have formed them of me. I know it, because instead of being over weight, I was very under weight when i was having alot of personal problems afew yrs ago. I was less then 89 lbs, and I was told I looked like H***. That was others opinions, but it was also very true!

And while dating, doesn't appearance count when you meet someone? Isn't it human nature not to go out with someone if you are not attracted to their looks? I am not saying looks are everything, but if someone doesn't look good to you, would you stick around to find their inner beauty? First impressions aren't everything, but if you aren't attracted to someones outside do you want a second date with them? There are just some things that don't attract me in some men, they may be very nice, you may like them as a friend, but would you want to spend the rest of your life with them?

I had a thread about a co worker here last week who was a real sweetheart, she is plain, and on the heavy side, I didn't care, I like the beautiful person she is inside. But she smelled really bad, I hope she straightens up after my talk with her, if she doesn't, I won't want to work with heranymore so I can understand how mhopset feels about his nieces odor, but I have to say, I don't agree with him being ashamed of her weight, to me, thats just wrong.

 

[Goofyposter]

wow.


Tony....in your OP you sounded like you were surprized of Jamie's size. Is that because you don't see her very often? What are your feelings about her....it seems to me like you're in a position to make one of two basic choices.

1) write her off....forget about her...."she's got problems", or,
2) If you honor her as a member of your family help her to help herself and her kids.

IF #2 applies....why not begin a conversation with her....express your worries and fears for her health, and express compassion that you love her as your neice no matter what.

If you find her to be depressed....help her seek some medical help. If you believe her self esteem is in the trash can (and it proably is)...start off by involving yourself in her life....take her and the kids to a movie.....go to a park and walk/with or without assistive devices...get some fresh air and and exercise...TALK!

Perhaps, if you do care about her....you could help her to care about herself more and to recognize the value in her taking care of herself to enjoy her children's lives to the Max!

.....your focus IMHO should be to:
1) to do whatever you can to make her know that she is not alone or not loved regardless as to her state of health (weight, hair color, cancer...whatever)
2) offer SUPPORT by showing her she has options that may improve the quality of her life
3) Go the extra mile for her...if you talk with her, and she's willing but scared to say join a gym or attend weight watchers (etc.)...go With her!

Many people due to many many factors reach a point in their lives where the feelings of hopelessness, lack of empowerment & sadness simply fuel a downward mental self image that could even lead to suicide (in some people).....MOST of those people....have even given up looking for a 'life preserver'

........If you have "the nads" to examine yourself...and if you find you have the inner strenght and peace to stand with a family member in distress....then I think there will be an Eternal Reward for you in your future...you cannot MAKE her (or anyone) change....but perhaps you can help her...but ONLY by trying.

I'm sure you'll know what the best decision will be for you and for her.