I think I should be ashamed of myself
- Thread starter mhopset
- Start date
<b>Oh Great! Here comes a post from the creator of the 'WISH Challenge' 
I only wanted to add one thing! As a person who has struggled with my weight my entire life, including eating disorders and taking drugs. One thing I will admit is MY being over weight, for the most part WAS a choice. I am the only person who is responsible for my eating habits and the only one who can do something about it.
I am proving that now, by working every day to end the cycle.
Maybe you can reach out and try to help your niece. I know deep down, after the embarrassment, she will thank you.</b>
I only wanted to add one thing! As a person who has struggled with my weight my entire life, including eating disorders and taking drugs. One thing I will admit is MY being over weight, for the most part WAS a choice. I am the only person who is responsible for my eating habits and the only one who can do something about it.
I am proving that now, by working every day to end the cycle.
Maybe you can reach out and try to help your niece. I know deep down, after the embarrassment, she will thank you.</b>
mhopset??? I have a question for you....How would you feel if she was thinking the same thing about you? It is very easy to say something negative about oneself, and to put oneself down, it is very different when it comes from someone who loves you. Again, I will reccommend you to reach out. If you care about her as much as you say then help her...you can not know what she is feeling or going through...you are not inside her head.
I will tell you...I do not judge people on their appearance. I can't I have been on the otherside, both because of race, color and weight. I learned early on to judge people on what is inside...
hope you enjoyed that pizza...the same food you didn't think she should eat...
I will tell you...I do not judge people on their appearance. I can't I have been on the otherside, both because of race, color and weight. I learned early on to judge people on what is inside...
hope you enjoyed that pizza...the same food you didn't think she should eat...
6_Time_Momma
<font color=blue>Still crazy after all these years
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2001
Yup, that post was offenisve. However, I think I find this comment of yours, mhopset, to be just as disturbing:
"I mean as most of you know I am handicap. I had this conversation with a friend on this board a few weeks ago. I don't want to "look handicap" so I take the extra effort to make sure everything is in order. You know clothes ironed, shower taken, hair washed. I try and look good. Sometimes you at least gotta think of the people you are with."
It sounds like you are not real happy with yourself if you feel like you need to hide your condition so you don't "look handicapped". I think the poster who said, in effect, that you criticize that in others which you are not happy with in yourself was right on the money.
"I mean as most of you know I am handicap. I had this conversation with a friend on this board a few weeks ago. I don't want to "look handicap" so I take the extra effort to make sure everything is in order. You know clothes ironed, shower taken, hair washed. I try and look good. Sometimes you at least gotta think of the people you are with."
It sounds like you are not real happy with yourself if you feel like you need to hide your condition so you don't "look handicapped". I think the poster who said, in effect, that you criticize that in others which you are not happy with in yourself was right on the money.
Disney Dee
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Oct 4, 1999
I think we have all been guilty of judging a "book by its cover" None of us are perfect! I remember one yr being in DW and doing an E night. The crowds were very light. I kept seeing a teen boy zooming around the park in a wheel chair. He was alone and racing around like crazy. He almost knocked me down trying to get to SM. He was going so fast that he couldn't stop the chair before it crashed into a wall. He jumped off while it was still moving and ran like the devil to get on the ride before it started. He was laughing and running away from the chair as it hit the wall and turned over on its side. The CM at SM said this child had been running from ride to ride all night, sometimes pushing the chair, some times riding in it. She agreed he didn't need the chair any more then I did! I don't know why, but I was really embarressed by his behavor, why? I don't know, but I was.
I posted about this teen on the CB when I got home and was chastized for jumping to conclusions about him. Maybe he had some hidden handicap etc yada yada whatever!
i guess the point I am trying to make, is that I saw this as a bratty teen obusing a piece of handicap equiptment, and some Disers saw me as judgemental! We all see things differently and unfortunetly are embarressed by different things. Most of us agree that mhopset shouldn't be embarressed by his 400 lb so called sloppy niece but I have no right to tell him what is right to be embarressed about. I can only feel sorry for him for feeling like this about a family member!
I posted about this teen on the CB when I got home and was chastized for jumping to conclusions about him. Maybe he had some hidden handicap etc yada yada whatever!
i guess the point I am trying to make, is that I saw this as a bratty teen obusing a piece of handicap equiptment, and some Disers saw me as judgemental! We all see things differently and unfortunetly are embarressed by different things. Most of us agree that mhopset shouldn't be embarressed by his 400 lb so called sloppy niece but I have no right to tell him what is right to be embarressed about. I can only feel sorry for him for feeling like this about a family member!
I got this earlier in my email...may be appropriate here
Someone passed this email on to me with a message - a story for your heart. I prefer to think of it as a story for your soul.
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the school's students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question.
"Everything God does is done with perfection. Yet, my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is God's plan reflected in my son?"
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. "I believe that when God brings a child like Shay into the world, an opportunity to realize the Divine Plan presents itself. And it comes in the way people treat that child."
Then, he told the following story:
Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they will let me play?"
Shay's father knew that most boys would not want him on their team. But the father understood that if his son were allowed to play it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging.
Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance from his teammates. Getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "We are losing by six runs, and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning."
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. At the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield. Although no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base. Shay was scheduled to be the next at-bat. Would the team actually let Shay bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved forward a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact.
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly toward Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have ended the game.
Instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first. Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, "Run to second! Run to second!" By the time Shay was rounding first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman for a tag. But the right fielder understood what the pitcher's intentions had been, so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman's head.
Shay ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases toward home. As Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay! Run home!"
Shay ran home, stepped on home plate and was cheered as the hero, for hitting a "grand slam" and winning the game for his team.
"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of the Divine Plan into this world."
Sometimes we can all learn from children...even if we are adults. A true statement of how others can impact one's life.
Someone passed this email on to me with a message - a story for your heart. I prefer to think of it as a story for your soul.
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the school's students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question.
"Everything God does is done with perfection. Yet, my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is God's plan reflected in my son?"
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. "I believe that when God brings a child like Shay into the world, an opportunity to realize the Divine Plan presents itself. And it comes in the way people treat that child."
Then, he told the following story:
Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they will let me play?"
Shay's father knew that most boys would not want him on their team. But the father understood that if his son were allowed to play it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging.
Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance from his teammates. Getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "We are losing by six runs, and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning."
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. At the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield. Although no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base. Shay was scheduled to be the next at-bat. Would the team actually let Shay bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved forward a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact.
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly toward Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have ended the game.
Instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first. Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, "Run to second! Run to second!" By the time Shay was rounding first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman for a tag. But the right fielder understood what the pitcher's intentions had been, so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman's head.
Shay ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases toward home. As Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay! Run home!"
Shay ran home, stepped on home plate and was cheered as the hero, for hitting a "grand slam" and winning the game for his team.
"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of the Divine Plan into this world."
Sometimes we can all learn from children...even if we are adults. A true statement of how others can impact one's life.
Glo, that story brought tears to my eyes.
Every one of us have some kind of disability or impairment. Some things are more obvious than others. If it's being overweight, being near or far sighted, having a bad temper, seeing only the bad in others, or having a physical disability like MD, etc. All of these things have their own challenges. Unfortunately, worrying about what others might think about these challenges are the biggest thing to overcome.
Every one of us have some kind of disability or impairment. Some things are more obvious than others. If it's being overweight, being near or far sighted, having a bad temper, seeing only the bad in others, or having a physical disability like MD, etc. All of these things have their own challenges. Unfortunately, worrying about what others might think about these challenges are the biggest thing to overcome.
Shannon- Ok I am going to try and choose my words very carefully. I am not under any circumstances JUDGING anyone. This is the way I felt. Yes, maybe I was wrong. Glo's story was awesome, but things in life don't always work that way. You and alot of others that posted do not have to contend with a disability day after day after day. I also feel that in niece's situation, it is self inflected. In my case it is not. I hope this makes since.
I am glad everybody does not agree with me. That is what makes the world go around. I also said that I myself am overweight, and for that matter so is my wife. I watch everything that goes into my mouth, but can't loose the weight because I am physically not able to exercise to tone everything down. I know I am probably not making any since about nothing. Just rambling I guess. Her condition makes me both mad and sad at the same time. Just like I feel some of you have attacked me for my feelings. Sorry I can't help it. I hope one day when some of you are able to meet me you will find out that I am not a Jerk.
Tony
I am glad everybody does not agree with me. That is what makes the world go around. I also said that I myself am overweight, and for that matter so is my wife. I watch everything that goes into my mouth, but can't loose the weight because I am physically not able to exercise to tone everything down. I know I am probably not making any since about nothing. Just rambling I guess. Her condition makes me both mad and sad at the same time. Just like I feel some of you have attacked me for my feelings. Sorry I can't help it. I hope one day when some of you are able to meet me you will find out that I am not a Jerk.
Tony
Judy from Boise
Watch out – might take away your
- Joined
- Aug 24, 1999
You are not a jerk, you are human. I would never judge you on your feelings, besides, the more we care about someone the stronger our feelings are.
I agree that the care and effort we put into our hygiene and appearance often reflects on our character. Thats what I heard you say.
I agree that the care and effort we put into our hygiene and appearance often reflects on our character. Thats what I heard you say.
becka
<font color=green>Proud Mommy of sweet Nathan and
- Joined
- Aug 17, 1999
I read this thread a few hours ago and I really did not know how to respond so I turned off the computer and thought about it before I decided to log back on.
I, as a fat person, was offended by your original post and your subsequent posts in defense were not much better. I, as just a person, am disgusted that you keep feeling the need to defend your reasons for judging people based on looks. You keep saying that you understand because you have been judged on looks but that does not diminish the fact that you know it is wrong and that it can be very hurtful. Just because you did not say these words to your niece does not mean that she was not aware of how you felt about her. Body language can be more powerful than words and unless you think all fat people are also dumb then she no doubt knows just how you felt about her. If you want to feel that way and share it on the DIS that is fine and it is your right to do so but don't bother trying to defend it to someone like me.
I really don't know anyone who is overweight that is not 'aware' of their weight. I have let myself get this big not because I was not 'aware' or because I was lazy and did not care but because I first had to work out some internal issues and get to that place where I knew I could do something about it. The ridicule and disgust of family, friends and strangers makes it harder to get to that place.
You will probably be disgusted to know that I weighed 271 at my highest and I am not even quite 5'4"...what a pig, huh? Can you just imagine the disgust you would have felt if you would have seen that waddling down Main Street while eating a Mickey ice cream bar!
If you really want to help you niece then you need IMHO to realize that your thoughts and attitudes are not helping her and you need to find a way to be supportive of her even at her current weight. She sounds like she may have some issues that she will have to deal with before she can lose weight and you need to be supportive and make sure that you can be there for her even if she does not start losing weight right away. It took me probably 2 years of working with myself to get to the point where I could be successful with weight loss but I sure did need support during those 2 years - not ridicule, pity or judgments. If you want to prove that you are not a jerk to yourself then start figuring out how you can contribute to making her a successful person instead of defending your negative thoughts.
I, as a fat person, was offended by your original post and your subsequent posts in defense were not much better. I, as just a person, am disgusted that you keep feeling the need to defend your reasons for judging people based on looks. You keep saying that you understand because you have been judged on looks but that does not diminish the fact that you know it is wrong and that it can be very hurtful. Just because you did not say these words to your niece does not mean that she was not aware of how you felt about her. Body language can be more powerful than words and unless you think all fat people are also dumb then she no doubt knows just how you felt about her. If you want to feel that way and share it on the DIS that is fine and it is your right to do so but don't bother trying to defend it to someone like me.
I really don't know anyone who is overweight that is not 'aware' of their weight. I have let myself get this big not because I was not 'aware' or because I was lazy and did not care but because I first had to work out some internal issues and get to that place where I knew I could do something about it. The ridicule and disgust of family, friends and strangers makes it harder to get to that place.
You will probably be disgusted to know that I weighed 271 at my highest and I am not even quite 5'4"...what a pig, huh? Can you just imagine the disgust you would have felt if you would have seen that waddling down Main Street while eating a Mickey ice cream bar!
If you really want to help you niece then you need IMHO to realize that your thoughts and attitudes are not helping her and you need to find a way to be supportive of her even at her current weight. She sounds like she may have some issues that she will have to deal with before she can lose weight and you need to be supportive and make sure that you can be there for her even if she does not start losing weight right away. It took me probably 2 years of working with myself to get to the point where I could be successful with weight loss but I sure did need support during those 2 years - not ridicule, pity or judgments. If you want to prove that you are not a jerk to yourself then start figuring out how you can contribute to making her a successful person instead of defending your negative thoughts.
Hi.
When I first saw this post I became very sad. For what mhopset wrote about what is always my deepest fear namely that due to my size I would disgust anyone seeing me. I've had a weight problem for as long as I can remember. I've been as thin as 127 and as heavy as 435. All along, while the outside "package" changed, the person inside was the same. Because I'm ashamed of how I look and because I fear that someone would turn away, I hide myself in everyway possible. Now, due to time and the years of being so heavy I have asthma, severe arthritis and lymphedema. I'm at my wits end and have started to think about Weight Loss Surgery. However in thinking more about the original post I had the following to offer :
- Maybe this post was an opportunity for mhopset to work on that part of himself that made him embarrassed that someone else might think that his niece was his wife. We always tell our children that "what others think doesn't matter" but even as adults we find it hard to let go of the need to be accepted.
- For me, maybe this post will allow me to continue to deal with the fears that I have and will serve as motivation to continue to work on losing weight and getting fit.
I appreciate that I could share my thoughts and however often the tears came, I appreciate the honesty of all who posted.
When I first saw this post I became very sad. For what mhopset wrote about what is always my deepest fear namely that due to my size I would disgust anyone seeing me. I've had a weight problem for as long as I can remember. I've been as thin as 127 and as heavy as 435. All along, while the outside "package" changed, the person inside was the same. Because I'm ashamed of how I look and because I fear that someone would turn away, I hide myself in everyway possible. Now, due to time and the years of being so heavy I have asthma, severe arthritis and lymphedema. I'm at my wits end and have started to think about Weight Loss Surgery. However in thinking more about the original post I had the following to offer :
- Maybe this post was an opportunity for mhopset to work on that part of himself that made him embarrassed that someone else might think that his niece was his wife. We always tell our children that "what others think doesn't matter" but even as adults we find it hard to let go of the need to be accepted.
- For me, maybe this post will allow me to continue to deal with the fears that I have and will serve as motivation to continue to work on losing weight and getting fit.
I appreciate that I could share my thoughts and however often the tears came, I appreciate the honesty of all who posted.
BluOrchid2
<font color=deeppink>Princess Aurora's Mommy<br><f
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2000
Has anything good come from your posting this? That's why I asked why you posted it, way back on the first page. All I could see happening is a bunch of overweight-people-bashing and hurt feelings. I still can't imagine why you continue to leave it up. This thread is making people cry, for Pete's sake! I think you ought to be ashamed of yourself, too.
That's why I asked why you posted it, way back on the first page. All I could see happening is a bunch of overweight-people-bashing and hurt feelings. I still can't imagine why you continue to leave it up. This thread is making people cry, for Pete's sake! I think you ought to be ashamed of yourself, too. 
Colleen A.
<font color=green>Disney Planning Maniac!<br><font
- Joined
- Sep 23, 1999
It is VERY obvious that NONE of us are looking at the world through the soul of another. I, quite frankly, do not believe that all of us, at one time or another in our lives, have looked at someone or something and not immediately formed an opinion of the person or object. We are human, with minds and free will. We all will think and feel what we want, when we want to! Aren't most of you forming an opinion of Tony WITHOUT knowing him personally or understanding how he sees the situation with his niece??
Remember the expression "Let he without sin cast the first stone"? Well, all of us should let this go and get on with our own lives....
Remember the expression "Let he without sin cast the first stone"? Well, all of us should let this go and get on with our own lives....
BluOrchid2
<font color=deeppink>Princess Aurora's Mommy<br><f
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2000
Yes of course we do. But thoughts do not hurt another. Written and spoken WORDS do.
Colleen A.
<font color=green>Disney Planning Maniac!<br><font
- Joined
- Sep 23, 1999
He did not write this post to her, now did he?? He came here to talk to "friends", not be attacked by enemies!! We are all entitled to our own opinions. Let's just leave it at that!!
BluOrchid2
<font color=deeppink>Princess Aurora's Mommy<br><f
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2000
I am not his enemy. I am not judging him. I have not said anything about HIM. And I think you're getting a little too excited about this.
All I have tried to do is to get him to realize that there really was no good reason to post his private (negative) thoughts about another human being because so many people in this world fit the same description he gave for his niece, and it was hurtful thoughts.
If he did come here to talk to his friends, I think he forgot to think about how his thoughts and words would affect some. I think this thread would be better off deleted, and I tried to convey that thought to him on the first page because I forsaw what would happen. As I said before, what good has come of it? Even the OP has not experienced anything good of it, I would venture to say by his posts.
All I have tried to do is to get him to realize that there really was no good reason to post his private (negative) thoughts about another human being because so many people in this world fit the same description he gave for his niece, and it was hurtful thoughts.
If he did come here to talk to his friends, I think he forgot to think about how his thoughts and words would affect some. I think this thread would be better off deleted, and I tried to convey that thought to him on the first page because I forsaw what would happen. As I said before, what good has come of it? Even the OP has not experienced anything good of it, I would venture to say by his posts.
Colleen A.
<font color=green>Disney Planning Maniac!<br><font
- Joined
- Sep 23, 1999
What I heard in his original post was that he was upset with the behavior of his niece. Eating 2 slices of pizza, a hot dog and a coke, all while smoking is NOT the picture of health, now is it? That holds true whether you are 110 lbs or 450 lbs! She has children to think of. If she is a single parent, she SHOULD be MORE concerned about her health, not less! 
Saffron
Palm Tree Hugger
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2001
We all are entitled to our opinions, whether or not they agree with the original poster's. That's what people are doing, posting their opinions just as Tony posted his. That's what happens on these boards. You post something, people respond to it, that doesn't mean that we are Tony's enemies??? 
I've just seen people agree with him or disagree with him (in some cases a little strongly 
). But -- Tony also expresses his views strongly. That doesn't make us enemies! Just people who disagree. I can disagree with a person and still be friends with them, even eat a piece of pizza with them. I'd much rather have strawberry cream cake though.
I've just seen people agree with him or disagree with him (in some cases a little strongly ). But -- Tony also expresses his views strongly. That doesn't make us enemies! Just people who disagree. I can disagree with a person and still be friends with them, even eat a piece of pizza with them. I'd much rather have strawberry cream cake though. Lets all take a deep breath and say "Tony I am going to beat you up next time I see you at WDW"
Don't hate me for my thoughts. I'm not judging her as I said before. Colleen is right her lifesytle is not healthy for anyone.
Becca- No I would not be embarassed to walk down Main St USA with you while you were eating a Mickey Bar
As long as you let me eat the ears
Glad I was able to take the heat off Dan for awhile
Sorry I made anyone cry. that was not my intentions.
Don't hate me for my thoughts. I'm not judging her as I said before. Colleen is right her lifesytle is not healthy for anyone.
Becca- No I would not be embarassed to walk down Main St USA with you while you were eating a Mickey Bar
As long as you let me eat the ears Glad I was able to take the heat off Dan for awhile
Sorry I made anyone cry. that was not my intentions.
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