I think I should be ashamed of myself

[mhopset]

Last evening was my sons Spring Carnival at his school. We live just across the street. Well I have this niece I will call "Jamie". Jamie has 2 children and she is not married or never has been. She is on welfare, but she does work at a daycare, but with no help from the dead beat father it is hard for her to make ends meet. I do know my brother and SIL help her out.

Ok, anyway she comes over last night and let her kids go to the carnival. She is HUGE!!! well over 400 pounds. She was in the house for a while and then went out and sat on my porch to "watch her kids" She was sitting there with a Coke (not diet) 2 pieces of pizza, and a hot dog. Easting all this while smoking a cigerette

I went out to talk to her for a while. I finally came in the house because some of the people at the carnival I graduated high school with and I didn't want them to think she was my wife.

I know I shouldn't go on looks, and because she is fat. I am fat too, but my God she was starting to make me sick.

Ok, flame away.

 

[jamsmom]

Not to be flamed, but could she be eating because she is depressed? Or, does her thyroid work right?

 

[mhopset]

Don't know if she is depressed. Most of the world is today. As far as any medical condition. She has been checked all is fine. I think she just loves to eat. BTW she is checking into getting Gastric by-pass surgery done. I really hope it works for her. Especially for her health.

 

[Chattyaholic]

Yes, you definitely should be ashamed of yourself!!

 

[jamsmom]

I have good things about the gsastric-bypass surgery. But, I think that the patient has to KNOW that they have to change their lifestyle (eating habits, exercise...)

I am not over-weight "enough" to even get the doctor to recommend anything besides drink water, watch what you eat, exericise...... I wish they could do a little more while we are 20-30 pounds over weight.

 

[BluOrchid2]

Why would you post this? I'm really curious. I mean, we all have bad thoughts about others at times, but I sure wouldn't go on a public bb like this one and tell everyone how horrible I was for thinking the things I think sometimes.

:::::::color me puzzled:::::::

 

[dandave]

I used to have a very overweight friend that this reminded me of. She was very obese. Her doc told her she was going to die, if she didn't lose weight.

I invited her to start walking with me. She did fine at first. As the weeks went by, she was very proud that she was losing a couple of pounds. Then she started complaining about the walking- her legs hurt, hurt feet hurt, etc. So, our walks got shorter, before we had to head back to my house.

She often stayed over into our supper time. She would eat what was on her plate, then start eating off of her son's plate. Her skinny little child would complain, and she would ask if he could have some more. I would give him more, and she would eat that too. It really started disgusting me.

Eventually I just couldn't handle her, and I stopped inviting her over. Sorry if this post wasn't pixie dusted and magical enough for everyone.

 

[mhopset]

I dont know why I posted it. Guess I just wanted to. So I guess your not puzzled anymore

As for being "big". Like I said I am fat too. Just not huge. I guess there comes a time when you look in the mirror and say "WHOA I NEED TO TONE DOWN A BIT" You can be big and still have on clean clothes, smell nice, have your hair combed and basically not look like a rutter. If she needs help I am here for her and will help her all I can. But if it is just plain old lazziness I can't tolerate that.

I mean as most of you know I am handicap. I had this conversation with a friend on this board a few weeks ago. I don't want to "look handicap" so I take the extra effort to make sure everything is in order. You know clothes ironed, shower taken, hair washed. I try and look good. Sometimes you at least gotta think of the people you are with. I had heard thrugh the grapevine that "jamies" apartment was so dirty they were getting ready to throw her out.

Maybe is't not the being big that disgusts me. Maybe it is the lazziness that is disgusting.

 

[nativetxn]

Bless her heart. I'm fat too.

Don't worry, I probably won't be visiting your house any time soon. If I do get to visit I promise to wear a sign that tells everyone that I'm not your wife.

I promise not to revolt you either, DanDave just in case you ever invite me over. Now that you know I'm fat, though, I don't think that invitation will be offered.

 

[chris1gill]

Originally posted by mhopset
"WHOA I NEED TO TONE DOWN A BIT"

I totally have to agree with you Mhopset!! I also hit that point myself... I gained 45-50 pounds when I could no longer walk hardly at all... it wasn't until I saw a nutritionist that I leveled off & started losing VERY slowly... I've lost 20 pounds (over 9-10 months) & I've just found the W.I.S.H. board here on the DIS.... There's definitely a point when you say WHOA, I don't want to look like this!!! It shouldn't really take until you're 400 pounds, eating pizza, smoking & having god knows what else.... I would hope for your own health you would realize before that time...

So, mhopset, I know you feel a bit guilty, but you shouldn't... if she doesn't recognize that she has a problem & she doesn't want to help herself, there's not much you can do for her until she does... that's the saddest part....

 

[BluOrchid2]

Laziness doesn't have anything to do with what she eats, which is what you were all about in your first post.

People hate in others what they hate in themselves.

 

[mhopset]

I didn't say anything about "hate". I love my niece i just want a better life for her. As far as being lazy, well maybe she needs a little push. As far as me being lazy which I think you are refering to BLUOrchid2. Take a walk in my shoes sister!

Kathyolyn--- Now you know better than that! You should know by now I am not like that. You can come to my house anytime and you don't have to wear a sign

 

[DixieDreamer]

My own experience AND a ton of research shows that folks who eat a lot of sugar and refined carbohydrate foods end up in a vicious cycle that truly takes them out of control.

It works like this:

A lot of research has proven that dietary fat is not necessarily converted into body fat. Carbohydrates are readily converted into fat as an action of insulin. According to many experts, most overweight people became overweight due to hyperinsulinemia - elevated insulin levels in the blood. When you eat a meal high high in carbohydrates, the increased blood sugar stimulates insulin production by the pancreas. Insulin is the hormone that allows blood sugar to be used by the cells. A side effect of insulin is that it also causes fat to be deposited. It also stimulates your brain to produce hunger signals.

Naturally, you then eat more carbohydrates, and the cycle repeats itself. Over time, your cells become resistant to insulin, meaning that your pancreas has to work overtime, producing up to four or five times as much insulin as it normally does just to keep up with the high demand for it.

It's a terrible cycle... eat sugar/refined carbs... body rushes to deposit it to the fat cells... over does it and brings the blood sugar levels crashing... making you HUNGRY shortly after eating... and then the cycle repeats itself.

I do NOT believe people are fat because they are "lazy". I believe it is a real and devastating problem for them that they just have not found the key to solve yet.

 

[DixieDreamer]

Hugs Katholyn. You and I can sit on the porch with our signs together.

 

[lilboo]

From the way you've described her...it just seems as if she is terribly depressed and with good reason. I hope she finds the motivation to pull herself out of it...and the emotional support she'll need to get her through.

 

[nativetxn]

Only if I can have a {{{HUG}}} too, Laura. You are a really good {{{HUGGER}}}

 

[DixieDreamer]

Hugs are free AND they use calories! LOL!

 

[glo]

ok....I think you need to look inside yourself. I am 5 feet tall, and at my worse I was 205. Yup, that is pretty huge. I can tell you that I was in a physically abusive relationship, and was very depressed at my worse. I was not lazy..I took care of my one child at that time, I was going to grad school, and a worked a fulltime job. I was called LAZY all the time. I had people telling me(family members) I better stay with the jerk because who would want me. I was made fun of by teenagers at the mall. I cried myself to sleep alot. I lived like that for 20 of my soon to be 40 years. I could eat one meal a day, and use that darn pyramid and still be fat. People could not understand...my doctor sent me to a nutrionalist...nothing. I followed diets to a T...Starved myself and I would loose a little and tht was it. Worse thing was that people I cared about and loved were ashamed of me. They did not see I was struggling with much more than my weight, but it is all they cared about. I left my ex-DH with a very little child...lived in a tiny appartment and ate what I could afford. Guess what food that is good for you ain't cheap. When you have $30 dollars left after paying bills...and you have an infant that need diapers...you live on spaghetti O's....bread....cheap stuff...not the best for you.


maybe instead of being so critical, you should help her. Encourage her to seek help...I bet she is very depressed...I know I would be...I know I was....when those who love do that to you. There are very few hurts like that.


Maybe...this strikes way to close to home for me....maybe you need to think about the otherside. By the way...my life is not perfect right now...I still suffer from depression, but I weight 131 pounds and still dropping...most of it because I have had people who care supporting me.

 

[WebmasterAlex]

We all have something that trips our trigger. For some people it's someone that drinks too much, for other's it's people that smoke, it might be someone who swears. In this case it tripped mhopset's and he shared his feelings with us. Normally people keep these thoughts inside but if he had to vent it was probably better here than to the person or someone she might know.
He has his own reasons for wanting to vent, nobody is going to change them by arguing here.
Sometimes you can say things on an internet board that you wouldn't in real life.

 

[nativetxn]

I know, you're right Alex. I just got my feelings hurt. Sorry if I was rude, mhopset.