Invited to a Shrimp Boil and Told to Bring the Shrimp

[jdb in AZ]

If the game is that important, can't you take a battery-operated t.v. or a small generator to run the t.v. and watch the game during the shrimp boil?

Years ago I attended a casual wedding reception where the groom's family was so "into" sports they had a t.v. set up so the groom could watch it from the receiving line. I don't remember what game it was, but it was probably a playoff game that was scheduled after the wedding was planned.

Meanwhile, if you agree to furnish that much shrimp this year, what will be your assignment next year? Since you furnished an expensive dish last year, you set a dangerous precedent. You need to speak up and set some guidelines for the future.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Meanwhile, if you agree to furnish that much shrimp this year, what will be your assignment next year? Since you furnished an expensive dish last year, you set a dangerous precedent. You need to speak up and set some guidelines for the future.

Agreed. 8 pounds of shrimp is excessive for a guest to bring. What will it be next year?

 

[Pink Partridge]

It’s too bad that anyone would miss a family event especially a wedding to watch something on tv. Especially with the ability to record. My brother is like that. Really ties his weekends up. We no longer schedule around him the the Steelers schedule.

Your brother likes watching football more than spending time with you all.

I would rather watch a football game than spend time with some of my extended family. They just aren't that important to me. And they definitely are not fun to be around.

I will always choose my happiness and I don't blame the OP for doing that as well.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

Our wedding ended up landing on Game 6 of the 1997 World Series. Thankfully, it was in Miami, as our reception was in Downtown Cleveland. We did set up TVs in the bar area for anyone who wanted to watch (including my FIL) and folks were passing along score updates to me as the night went on.

We also missed most of Game 7 as we were on a plane to Hawaii for our honeymoon. Got to our resort just in time to watch the Indians lose in the 11th inning. I've always said, the best way to get over a Game 7, extra innings loss in the World Series is to wake up in Maui.

I watched the Marlins beat the Indians that Game 7 very early in the morning in London. I thought it would be over by then, and was surprised to see it in extra innings.

A cousin got married in 1997 during the NHL playoffs and I had to miss the Flyers beat the Rangers in Game 5 (the decider) in the semi-final round.

 

[shawthorne44]

At the party when you drop by later, I'd probably say, "So, who will be bringing the shrimp next year?"
As a casual warning to her that it won't be you.
Then have a talk to the DH so that he doesn't cave.

 

[AndreaA]

At the party when you drop by later, I'd probably say, "So, who will be bringing the shrimp next year?"
As a casual warning to her that it won't be you.
Then have a talk to the DH so that he doesn't cave.

Why would she get to make the decision if they obviously have the money and her husband - and actual relative of the host - doesn’t mind? I think that’s the part that’s really stumping me. It’s NOT HER DECISION TO MAKE or her place to be irritated about it. This is her husband’s family, and if he’s okay with it, then she needs to butt out.

 

[elsbit]

Yikes, that is an unpleasant view of how marriage and family dynamics should work. My husband respects my opinion and I his, even when we disagree. And his blood family is mine, and vice versa. It seems archaic to think that she should have no opinion on this and keep her mouth shut because they are not blood relatives. She was invited, and regardless of their wealth it is her money too. And she has said her husband is going and she is good with that.

 

[ronandannette]

Your brother likes watching football more than spending time with you all.

I would rather watch a football game than spend time with some of my extended family. They just aren't that important to me. And they definitely are not fun to be around.

I will always choose my happiness and I don't blame the OP for doing that as well.

Always? You must be an interesting spouse and parent.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Always? You must be an interesting spouse and parent.

I said " some of my extended family".

My children and husband always come first. Always. We are a very solid family unit. My children are highly successful human beings due to this.

 

[ronandannette]

I said " some of my extended family".

My children and husband always come first. Always. We are a very solid family unit. My children are highly successful human beings due to this.

I was reacting to the statement "I will always choose my happiness...", which appeared to be without qualification.

 

[AndreaA]

Yikes, that is an unpleasant view of how marriage and family dynamics should work. My husband respects my opinion and I his, even when we disagree. And his blood family is mine, and vice versa. It seems archaic to think that she should have no opinion on this and keep her mouth shut because they are not blood relatives. She was invited, and regardless of their wealth it is her money too. And she has said her husband is going and she is good with that.

I agree that things should be agreed together, but multiple people, including the one I quoted, seem to think the OP (wife) should be able to unilaterally decide NOT to do XYZ. Basically, if decisions have to be made, and both partners want different things, then the one with more at stake or more feelings about it is the one who gets the last say. In this instance, and given we aren’t talking about huge sums of money, that would be the blood relative.

Frankly I think this whole thing is incredibly petty. “We have to buy too much shrimp.” “My SIL makes tacky shirts I don’t like and she gets my size wrong.” ”I brought the GOOD dessert last time.”

My husband has a large family. They often converge on our home because it’s the largest. I don’t quibble over having to host AND pay. I wouldn’t dream of basically insulting my extended family on the internet because I thought I was paying more than my fair share. I sure as HECK wouldn’t mock a gift, given in the spirit of fun. In fact, despite being more of an introvert, I invariably end up enjoying myself. Sheeeeeesh. The OP has grown kids but it seems like she’s the one who needs to grow up.

 

[RedAngie]

Most of my family was at the game last weekend against UD (my blue hen and her boyfriend drove up for it), my husband and daughter are Rutgers alumni, and I have a freshman there. I watched the game from home, Picture in Picture since Clemson was playing at the same time (have a freshman there as well).

My older daughter is a U of D alumna, both BS and MS. But neither of us pay close attention to the football or other sports teams anymore.

I went to 6 or 7 Rutgers games while I was a student. They were played in the ancient dilapidated stadium from the early 1900s. The current stadium opened in the early 1990s, I believe.

Once or twice a season against a name opponent, the games were shifted to the old Giants stadium in East Rutherford, but I never made the short road trip there.

 

[mjkacmom]

My older daughter is a U of D alumna, both BS and MS. But neither of us pay close attention to the football or other sports teams anymore.

I went to 6 or 7 Rutgers games while I was a student. They were played in the ancient dilapidated stadium from the early 1900s. The current stadium opened in the early 1990s, I believe.

Once or twice a season against a name opponent, the games were shifted to the old Giants stadium in East Rutherford, but I never made the short road trip there.

The new stadium is bigger so they stay put I believe, fans really want the new stadium to fill up. My husband paid $80 to park last weekend, to be walking distance and not take a shuttle, since season ticket holders have all of the walkable spots. There were plenty of empty spaces.

 

[shawthorne44]

Why would she get to make the decision if they obviously have the money and her husband - and actual relative of the host - doesn’t mind? I think that’s the part that’s really stumping me. It’s NOT HER DECISION TO MAKE or her place to be irritated about it. This is her husband’s family, and if he’s okay with it, then she needs to butt out.

It is more about how I envisioned the brother-sister relationship. I see her as the lifelong bully, and him just going along to keep the peace. So, the OP saying something to the sister about next year is a protective thing.

It might be something the OP said, or it might be that I knew someone like the OP's husband. Only difference was it was the briskette, which is not only expensive but labor and time intensive.

 

[DopeyDame]

We are also allowed to serve crab and shrimp together, here in Maryland, all slathered in old bay, plus rockfish nuggets if you can get them. Now I'm in the mood for some seafood!

I'm pretty sure that's not actually allowed in Maryland. Your crabs must be thrown onto butcher paper on the table, and picked clean individually. Don't go messing with our crabs by throwing in some lesser seafood, please!

 

[Travel60]

We attended family friend's wedding that turned out to be the afternoon/evening of a major game for couple's college football team. Like "will they make it to the playoffs?" game.
At one point during the reception half the guests were in the country club bar watching the game. The bride's father (who was footing the bill) was resigned to it but not thrilled.

That prompted my daughter to schedule her wedding the last weekend before college football began (even tho their university did not have a football team) and my son&fiance to schedule theirs on their school's bye weekend.

 

[Judique]

I'm pretty sure that's not actually allowed in Maryland. Your crabs must be thrown onto butcher paper on the table, and picked clean individually. Don't go messing with our crabs by throwing in some lesser seafood, please!

Oh, of course not! The crabs are on the butcher paper. The shrimp are separate as is the rockfish. Note: I used the word 'served' not 'cooked together'. In any case, I'll never be a crab purist in that I enjoy variety, although I have sat under a tree at a picnic table with nothing but crabs and beer. And flies.

 

[Sinder]

Yikes, that is an unpleasant view of how marriage and family dynamics should work. My husband respects my opinion and I his, even when we disagree. And his blood family is mine, and vice versa. It seems archaic to think that she should have no opinion on this and keep her mouth shut because they are not blood relatives. She was invited, and regardless of their wealth it is her money too. And she has said her husband is going and she is good with that.

While I do agree with the sentiment that the OP shouldn't have to just keep her mouth shut, what happens when a husband and wife disagree on family matters? Does the husband have to give in to the OP (who wasn't planning on going anyway) because she disagrees? A compromise- but why if she wasn't going anyway?
It is his family, and you are right it is their money (which OP said affording it wasn't an issue) so if she isn't going to see his family then he should be the one who makes the decision on what he brings.
Sometimes there are situations in marriages where spouses will disagree and there isn't a need for compromise. One spouse can "get their way" and IMHO it's when it is situations that deal with their family. And while I love my family that are dh's blood relatives, they are his blood and that means he gets the say in what he does for/with them if I disagree. That is of course meant in situations like this which aren't anything more than mere annoyances to one spouse, I am not talking about serious issues that arise within families.

And wow people jumping on the OP for not wanting to go because it's game day.
Where does it say one is required to accept every invite just because it's family?
She doesn't have to go, there is nothing wrong with her doing something she enjoys and if that means a football game then that is what it is.

 

[Judique]

While I do agree with the sentiment that the OP shouldn't have to just keep her mouth shut, edit and snip snip...

I think the OP was very wise to keep her mouth shut and just vent here. We can't litigate feelings and thoughts. Her family knows how she feels but probably appreciates that she keep silent and just go later. Compromise.

edit: OP....that is all I was commenting on. I don't think I bothered to even read the rest.

 

[stitch'sgirl]

College football seems to be much bigger in areas without a heavy professional football presence.

Or if your professional team happens to be the Detroit Lions. GO BLUE!