Is it rude - what are my options?

[Lewisc]

Different people have different expectations. It may be easier to host a booze free meal as a lunch. Book a dinner, Friday night at 8p, and guests may be more likely to assume adult beverages will be included, at a minimum be able to purchase booze.

 

[marcyleecorgan]

OP: all the best in figuring out your best plan! Congrats by the way. <3
My thoughts come from a place where a graduation celebration was ... ummm... completely marred by alcohol consumption by irresponsible people but I hope YMMV!

 

[SteveH]

Absolutely do what makes YOU happy. At our rehersal dinner the meal was covered, alcohol was on your own. I can not see anyone having any issue at all over not buying their booze.

 

[potterfanatic]

Thank you everyone. This is a really sensitive subject in our family and I really appreciate all your kindness and help trying to navigate a situation I wasn’t sure how to approach. My DD absolutely wants this family member there. I am so outrageously proud of the young woman she’s becoming, and she deserves some praise and joy with the family without having to worry about someone acting out.

 

[bumbershoot]

Both sets of grandparents will be meeting us down there

So it's just them and your family? Or are there more people?

We decided to have a graduation dinner at Shades of Green

If you're doing something official with SOG, talk to their catering department.

I didn't marry at WDW, but even at my wedding we covered wine and beer, but anyone who wanted mixed drinks got to walk from the wedding tent to the restaurant and buy a drink. No one complained to us, so they at least kept any disappointment to themselves.

My graduate had originally asked for a completely alcohol free dinner because of our family member, so we planned on Magic Kingdom, but they just backed out of going to the parks with us, and I can’t think of a place that is dry outside of the parks.

Kinda sounds like they are so concerned about the possibility of no booze that they are making a decision for you.


If you want a small event that is under disney catering, check out this site. https://disneytravelbabble.com/how-to/private-party/ Not sure how it works nowadays, but it's a good place to start.

 

[RoseGold]

If you don’t want joe to get drunk, don’t invite him.

This is a super expensive meal at Disney. Cheaping out on drinks to be petty wouldn’t sit well with me. It’s obviously targeted at joe. And it won’t stop joe from drinking BTW. I don’t see what you accomplish. You save a few bucks and joe is still drunk.

If you want to have a sober event, say that out loud. That’s not the same thing as passive aggressive not paying.

 

[DJFan88]

I liked someone’s lunch idea, it’s too bad the GF tea wasn’t open where you could instead host an Experience where it is what it is. Not sure if there is anything else available that would suit, but there could be.

 

[glocon]

This doesn’t sound passive-aggressive or cheap. It sounds like a parent trying to make her child’s celebration happy and set up for success.
I live in the south now, and here it is common to host alcohol free celebrations. When I lived in Chicago I never heard of such a thing. So alcohol free celebrations can be perfectly normal depending on where you are.
Agree, a luncheon might be the best way to go though. Or even a brunch would be fun.

 

[Eastern]

Stay strong, OP. Nobody knows your family dynamic but you. Best of luck.

 

[HopperFan]

If you want a small event that is under disney catering, check out this site. https://disneytravelbabble.com/how-to/private-party/ Not sure how it works nowadays, but it's a good place to start.

^ The department "Disney Meetings and Events" does fabulous events and when I have had their food it was excellent. I would look in to this ~ special event for your graduate and complete control of the menu.

https://www.disneymeetingsandevents.com/

 

[Lilsia]

IT absolutely is not rude to state that people should buy their own alcohol. We all know that there are those who will use free drinks as an excuse to go nuts. Any reasonable person will completely understand. IDK why anyone can't go one meal without drinking anyway.

 

[erinch]

Friends of ours had a very similar scenario. High school grad celebration, sit down dinner, and let’s call him Uncle Jack Dewars Woodford.

since the celebrant, let’s call her Ella, was 18, the toast was with white sparkling grape juice, to include her. There was a menu with a couple of entree choices. At the bottom it said, “For those over 21, One adult beverage from the following list is included . Please see your server to order other options on a separate check.” There we’re about 3 house wine and beers listed.

For no alcohol included, the menu could simply say please see your server to order adult beverages on a separate check.”

2 members of the party had a little chat with Uncle Jack beforehand and strongly suggested he stick to club soda during the dinner. They also made it clear that if he even looked like might be getting a little tipsy that they would call a cab and escort him to it so he got home safely. With the threat of calm personal bouncers, Uncle Jack was sober and charming until after the party was over.

 

[eandt]

It's your party and you can choose to pay (or not pay) for whatever you want. It sounds like two different issues to me. Alcohol can be pricey and some people don't drink, so having an 'open bar' will often only benefit some of the participants. If you have a concern about a family member with a drinking problem, not sure who pays for the drinks will solve that issue. Maybe choose a restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol is that is your main concern and then you can avoid any awkwardness.

Maybe some folks dont eat dessert or apps so providing that would "only benefit some of the participants" .... I don't see an issue either way, but when we host a party or dinner we pay the tab including adult refreshments/desserts/Apps. You are obviously stressing about it so before I would allow this to possibly ruin my kid's party or cause a family issue I'd just pay the bill.

 

[Rory607]

Maybe some folks dont eat dessert or apps so providing that would "only benefit some of the participants" .... I don't see an issue either way, but when we host a party or dinner we pay the tab including adult refreshments/desserts/Apps. You are obviously stressing about it so before I would allow this to possibly ruin my kid's party or cause a family issue I'd just pay the bill.

But no one is going to cause a scene if they eat too many apps or dessert. That is where the problem lies. They aren’t trying to be cheap and get out of paying for their guests.

OP, I get it. We have a close family member in recovery. When they are present at family events there is no alcohol at all. But my kids are young and we basically host events at our home or kid birthday type places, so we haven’t run into this issue yet. I hope you can figure out a solution and your daughter has a lovely celebration.

 

[paisleys]

I think it’s very generous of you to buy everyone’s dinner and non alcoholic drinks! WDW dinners are very expensive. Factor in alcohol and the bill can become outrageous with a lot of people. If people want/need to drink, they can go for drinks before and after the meal or order on their dime. I love my wine (kind of need it around family too lol) but I wouldn’t think anything of being told alcohol was on my own dime. I’d actually prefer it! We just met up for dinner with 12 family members (so 16 in total). I needed a glass of wine but ordered water instead as I didn’t want anyone who wasn’t drinking to have to pay for it when we were splitting the check. If someone else was paying it would always be water too.

 

[eandt]

But no one is going to cause a scene if they eat too many apps or dessert. That is where the problem lies. They aren’t trying to be cheap and get out of paying for their guests.

OP, I get it. We have a close family member in recovery. When they are present at family events there is no alcohol at all. But my kids are young and we basically host events at our home or kid birthday type places, so we haven’t run into this issue yet. I hope you can figure out a solution and your daughter has a lovely celebration.

Don't see anything in the original post that says that anyone in the family would "cause a scene" ..... specifically refers to them being "heavy drinkers" (whatever that might mean to them). The fact the OP just doesn't ban alcohol at the event period leads one to believe the reason is financial rather than an issue with an active alcoholic or person in recovery.

If it's an issue of alcoholism then this is a no brainer either have the dinner in a location that doesn't serve, make it known it will be an alcohol free event (no option to BYODs), or don't invite the family member(s).

 

[B-Ride]

I think paying for everyone's meals is a generous enough. As expensive as food is at WDW drinks are just plain ridiculous.

 

[Lilsia]

Maybe some folks dont eat dessert or apps so providing that would "only benefit some of the participants" .... I don't see an issue either way, but when we host a party or dinner we pay the tab including adult refreshments/desserts/Apps. You are obviously stressing about it so before I would allow this to possibly ruin my kid's party or cause a family issue I'd just pay the bill.

Anyone who has a family member that is an alcoholic understands this situation and how it can completely ruin an event. The amount of anxiety that you get planning an event with these people is indescribable. Even to the point where you don't even want to have these events because of what can happen. Nobody needs to drink alcohol and this being a celebration for a minor, it is more then reasonable for everyone to abstain for 1 stinking meal.

 

[Rory607]

Don't see anything in the original post that says that anyone in the family would "cause a scene" ..... specifically refers to them being "heavy drinkers" (whatever that might mean to them). The fact the OP just doesn't ban alcohol at the event period leads one to believe the reason is financial rather than an issue with an active alcoholic or person in recovery.

If it's an issue of alcoholism then this is a no brainer either have the dinner in a location that doesn't serve, make it known it will be an alcohol free event (no option to BYODs), or don't invite the family member(s).

You are right, it is never said this person might make a scene. I am making an assumption based on the way it has been discussed and that it is a sensitive topic. I could be wrong.

But I also don’t get the sense it is strictly financial. It seems that OP is trying to limit alcohol while still having some available for responsible drinkers. Some people are more likely to over-imbibe when it’s on someone else’s dime, but not as much when they’re paying for it themselves. It is a tricky position to be in and it seems they are trying to be good a good host and make it special for the daughter.

 

[Lilsia]

You are right, it is never said this person might make a scene. I am making an assumption based on the way it has been discussed and that it is a sensitive topic. I could be wrong.

But I also don’t get the sense it is strictly financial. It seems that OP is trying to limit alcohol while still having some available for responsible drinkers. Some people are more likely to over-imbibe when it’s on someone else’s dime, but not as much when they’re paying for it themselves. It is a tricky position to be in and it seems they are trying to be good a good host and make it special for the daughter.

That is how I read it too because we have been in that exact same position. It is so unbelievably mentally draining to try to plan a nice event. That is why I would just go with no alcohol for anyone. Like I said, people can go 1 meal without a drink.