My heart is breaking.....

[PrincessTeresa]

Here's the story - We've got a trip planned for May 29th - June 6th - Staying off property - We've been twice before as a family (DH, myself, DD, DMom, and DDad) - This time we invited Dh's sister and her husband. We've been talking about this trip for months now. My mom called the hotel we stayed at last year and made the reservations for this trip. She got three rooms - She even put down the deposit. My DSIL wants so badly to go because she's never been. But her husband is making it difficult. It's not that they don't have the money to go. He just won't give her a real answer. He's being so stubborn. She came over Saturday and DH, DD, and I told her all about the parks, the food, the parades, the rides - everything! For months now, her husband has been putting her off telling her that if she keeps on, then no, they aren't going to go. She finally told him the other day that my mom had made the room ressies and all he said was something to the effect of, well, she can just cancel them too. I don't know what to tell her. DH and I have gotten mad not only because her husband is being childish, but we really want them to go. We keep saying "It's a yes or no question - Pick one" There is no reason he should be prolonging giving her a answer and treating her like she's a kid. It's drivng DH and I nuts!! And our DD is so excited about them going - it's all she talks about - At one point, when we were visiting them, we weren't "allowed" to talk Disney scared1:I know!) because DSIL didn't want to "rock the boat" so to speak. We even told her that she could come with us and leave him at home! lol I just don't know what else I can tell her to make her feel better. I know some people don't like Disney but we're not those people. We LOVE everything Disney!! I'm just at a loss and my heart is breaking for her because I know she really wants to go. Does anybody have any ideas on what to do to cheer her up? Thanks so much!!

 

[duffy]

I don't see that there's anything you can do. Your sister is going to have to fight her own battles.

If you truly wish her to come with you, just make sure that she knows that you're serious, so that if she decides to come, she can.

Ultimately, this may come down to a "who is in control in this family?" decision, with long-ranging results beyond Disney, like who will make major decisions throughout the marriage. And she may decide to let him be the ruler. If she does, you're going to have to bite your tongue and not discuss Disney around her, just to spare her feelings.

 

[KittyKitty]

This sounds like something is going on with the husband. More than the trip. Is your sister strong enough to talk about it with her husband?

 

[Nayan]

I tend to be a bit snotty and snarky when people mess with my plans. My SIL was in the same boat a few years ago when I planned our big trip. Her DH was the same way, kept telling her that if she kept talking about it they weren't going. She finally said no, YOU aren't going, I AM going and with your attitude I really don't want you there to ruin MY trip! She went without him and we all had a great time. He was livid but he got over it. Maybe your SIL needs to put her foot down and say something similar?

 

[yesmylove]

I know how much you really want her to go, and it would be better if she went without him. I think if he goes, he might ruin the trip for the rest of you. It doesn't sound like he wants to be there, or wants her to go and have a good time either. Nothing worst than going on a trip with someone who is always in a bad mood.

 

[kymom99]

I would keep the offer open and let her know she is welcome to come by herself if she chooses. If the guy doesn't want to go, that's his right, but he shouldn't be holding your SIL back from a trip with her family.
We have a trip planned for June. I was going to go with just my son since my husband doesn't love Disney and he has a new job so he didn't know if he could get off so soon. He was okay with us going but I think he started to feel left out and changed his mind. Now he is coming with us because he has banked enough vacation time already. Perhaps the BIL will change his mind if he sees you all going on with your plans without him.

 

[iwrbnd]

I would happily leave that man behind!

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

There is nothing you can do.

It sounds to me like he's a control freak.

She needs to put her foot down and say SHE's going and he can keep his negative self home.

 

[Hannathy]

I think there is more wrong with that marriage than a Disney trip discussion. If your DSIL wants to be treated like a child and not a grown women in a partnership then it is none of your business and nothing you can do about it other than telling her to "grow a pair" and stand up for herself. Until then just plan your part and make no unchangeable reservation for her. When it gets to the deadline ask for an answer and leave it at that. How in this day and age some women let themselves be treated like that I don't understand...

 

[MaggieMoo'sMom]

Here's the story - We've got a trip planned for May 29th - June 6th - Staying off property - We've been twice before as a family (DH, myself, DD, DMom, and DDad) - This time we invited Dh's sister and her husband. We've been talking about this trip for months now. My mom called the hotel we stayed at last year and made the reservations for this trip. She got three rooms - She even put down the deposit. My DSIL wants so badly to go because she's never been. But her husband is making it difficult. It's not that they don't have the money to go. He just won't give her a real answer. He's being so stubborn. She came over Saturday and DH, DD, and I told her all about the parks, the food, the parades, the rides - everything! For months now, her husband has been putting her off telling her that if she keeps on, then no, they aren't going to go. She finally told him the other day that my mom had made the room ressies and all he said was something to the effect of, well, she can just cancel them too. I don't know what to tell her. DH and I have gotten mad not only because her husband is being childish, but we really want them to go. We keep saying "It's a yes or no question - Pick one" There is no reason he should be prolonging giving her a answer and treating her like she's a kid. It's drivng DH and I nuts!! And our DD is so excited about them going - it's all she talks about - At one point, when we were visiting them, we weren't "allowed" to talk Disney scared1:I know!) because DSIL didn't want to "rock the boat" so to speak. We even told her that she could come with us and leave him at home! lol I just don't know what else I can tell her to make her feel better. I know some people don't like Disney but we're not those people. We LOVE everything Disney!! I'm just at a loss and my heart is breaking for her because I know she really wants to go. Does anybody have any ideas on what to do to cheer her up? Thanks so much!!

My sweet husband was similar to this when I began talking about taking our DD to WDW last year. He had never been and never wanted to go. So I took her myself and left his butt at home. Amazingly enough, HE decided that we needed to take her this June for her 5th birthday. I know she doesn't want to leave him at home, but when it comes right down to it, she's a big girl who can go by herself... I did, and he had a change of heart. WE WOULD HAVE NEVER GONE, EVER IF I LEFT IT UP TO HIM!!!!

 

[Vickilynn42]

I would happily leave that man behind!

Ditto!

 

[loveysbydesign]

I say go without him...if he doesn't want to go then so what..he can stay home!
My mom will turn 70 next month and wants to go on a cruise, she's never been on one....my 80 year old dad will not go (he was stationed in Germany when he was a young soldier and that boat ride across the Atlantic has forever made him hate ships)
I told my Mom that she should get a friend or sister to go with her and just Go!

 

[CapnJacksGirl]

I think there is more wrong with that marriage than a Disney trip discussion. If your DSIL wants to be treated like a child and not a grown women in a partnership then it is none of your business and nothing you can do about it other than telling her to "grow a pair" and stand up for herself. Until then just plan your part and make no unchangeable reservation for her. When it gets to the deadline ask for an answer and leave it at that. How in this day and age some women let themselves be treated like that I don't understand...

I agree with this wholeheartedly! There's something else going on here, and it seems like that needs to take priority. IMO this marriage doesn't seem like a partnership at all. Maybe your DSIL is OK with having to ask permission to do things, but it sounds crazy to me. My DH and I make decisions together and the idea of asking permission or of either of us "letting" the other do something is insane. I would tell your DSIL that you really want her to go with you but that you really want her to work on her marriage as well. It definitely doesn't sound healthy.

 

[CdnCarrie]

The husband sounds more like an abusive bully than "childish".

 

[michelle06]

It sounds like if he did go, he would ruin YOUR trip! Sounds like he'd make everything miserable. Definitely, more going on there. I would encourage her to come but not to push him, otherwise it will be a miserable trip.

 

[kvogel11202]

My husband and I got married when our kids were 8,7, and 3. I wanted to include the kids at least a little in the honeymoon and go to Disney, him not so much, so we compromised, one week in New Orleans just for us, then my parents flew down the kids and we met up for a week in Disney. My husband was not very excited about the Disney leg, now he loves Disney, we go for a weekend alone each year for Food and Wine ( our anniversary being the excuse) in addition to family trips and he loves it. My point being he didn't want to go to Disney, but he sucked it up because he loves us. I don't understand men who behave like the BIL, nor do I get women like the SIL who allow it. Marriage involves compromise, and sometimes you have to do things maybe that you don't want to, but that will make your spouse happy. It's called being a grown up!!! I hope she leaves him at home and has the time of her life with the family!

 

[Mrs. Charming]

The husband sounds more like an abusive bully than "childish".

There is nothing you can do.

It sounds to me like he's a control freak.

She needs to put her foot down and say SHE's going and he can keep his negative self home.

I would happily leave that man behind!

This sounds like something is going on with the husband. More than the trip. Is your sister strong enough to talk about it with her husband?

Ditto, ditto, ditto, and ditto.

 

[geenerbell]

Your husband needs to step up and call him. He should tell him you need to confirm plans and you need an answer right now.

 

[MaggieMoo'sMom]

Your husband needs to step up and call him. He should tell him you need to confirm plans and you need an answer right now.

Your sister might not want him to do this because it may make a potiential "Yes", a "No", but she also needs to understand that plans need to finialized. You could probably even cancel one of the rooms if he is not going and let her stay in one of the other two (Assuming she will go either way, as she is a big girl who will resent him for a LOOONNGG time if she doen't...) It will bring closure to all involved if your DH is willing to do this.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

I agree with this wholeheartedly! There's something else going on here, and it seems like that needs to take priority. IMO this marriage doesn't seem like a partnership at all. Maybe your DSIL is OK with having to ask permission to do things, but it sounds crazy to me. My DH and I make decisions together and the idea of asking permission or of either of us "letting" the other do something is insane. I would tell your DSIL that you really want her to go with you but that you really want her to work on her marriage as well. It definitely doesn't sound healthy.

I also agree. The SIL has much bigger problems than whether to go to WDW or not.