Should I allow almost 18 year old daughter to bring boyfriend?

[NMAmy]

I've been taking one of dd's friends along on our WDW trips for several years now. However, there's no way I'd bring a boyfriend along. It would be uncomfortable sharing a room and a bathroom, they may break up before July, and I'd have to be forever vigilant that they weren't sneaking back to the room. Too much stress for a vacation.

 

[tlh0726]

We have taken oldest DS's last girlfriend on several trips with us. (sad homelife situation ) Longest trip was a thursday to the following tuesday. Definitely a pain in the butt. From trying to get them to go do something other than sit around, to having to lock them out so that we could go do something with the younger kids, the disagreements etc.

Only you can make the decision of what is best for your family.
If you decide to take the BF along, you and your DH need to discuss the ground rules and the consequences for breaking the rules. (something we did not do until we were planning the 3rd trip)

Your main concern is them not staying in the park and going back to the room. Make this rule 1, they both do not return to the room together unless the entire group is returning, if DD wants to go back then she can but BF needs to stay and the same for the opposite. If they do not agree to your rules than BF does not go. If they break the rules then BF will be immediately taken to the airport for a return flight at his or his parents expense.

 

[tyzzle]

If you like him, and your family likes him, and he is paying his way, I would say it cannot hurt to bring him. If they are not having sex yet, I would not really worry about them suddenly deciding to break the rules at Disney world where you have a key to the room and could logically walk in at any time. You say she is about to be 18, in a few short months you may not be there to watch her all the time. Most teenagers will only live up to the level of maturity you expect from them. If you believe she is not mature enough to be alone with her BF then that's how she will act (at home and away from home). If there are other reasons why you don't want him to come (expense, family time, etc.) explain that to her, but if your just worried about them having sex, trust me if they want to they will find a way with Disney or without.

 

[Sammy]

We are taking DD's boyfriend along for the first time this April. They are both 20 years old, have been dating for 2 years, are away at the same college (no illusions for me there...LOL!!), and are generally very good and respectful kids. This will be BF's very first Disney trip and I know DD can't wait to show him everything Disney.

Because I didn't want to cram everyone into hotel rooms, we are renting an offsite 2 bedroom villa (Bonnet Creek) and DBF will be sleeping on the pullout in the living room. Transportation to/from the parks is pretty limited, so I won't have to worry about them heading back without us. Plus, we are traveling with her grandparents (my parents) and I know she will be on extra good behavior with them around!!

Even though I am confident they have an understanding of what is expected of them during vacation, I will still be having a discussion with BOTH of them prior to the vacation just to be sure we are all on the same page.

That all being said, I don't think I would have been comfortable doing this when DD was 18. Two years away at college has made a huge difference in her maturity level.

OP, only you know your daughter and boyfriend....and only you know how comfortable (or uncomfortable) you will be with the situation. If it is going to stress you out for the entire vacation to have him along, I woudn't do it.

Good luck with your decision...it's not an easy one!

 

[Hannathy]

I do have a DD 18 and I would take the boyfriend. You are going in July by August she will be away at school doing whatever she wants whenever she wants anyway so if you haven't instilled maturity and independence by July it is too late !!! Now if personality wise you don't get along with the BF then that would be a reason to not do it but not to prevent hanky panky. Also be prepared for her not to go if he doesn't go.

By the way having sex in the room that you are all sharing and could walk in at anytime won't be where they pick to do it the first or 10th time. There are too many other opportunities at home. So what everyone who says don't bring them for this reason are sadly uninformed. (ask any teen and they will tell you this)

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Ask yourself this question:

Are you comfortable with your daughter going back to your deluxe resort with her boyfriend for some time while the rest of you are in the park?

Are you comfortable with all of you sleeping in the same hotel room?

 

[RMulieri]

I would , my parents did when I was that age.They let me go with my boyfriend and his family to the beach for a week.At 18 yrs old she is old enough, and trust me they aren't going to pick that time to get "busy" if you might walk in at any moment.

 

[krcit]

I answered no earlier and I'm sticking with my answer but I wanted to clarify why I said no. It has nothing to do with sex b/c like other posters have said if they want to have sex then they are and this trip wouldn't change that. I just think that bringing a boyfriend/girlfriend at this age or younger is not necessary and sends the wrong message to the kids. Now that is for MY family. I am not criticizing anyone who brings a boyfriend along but the poster asked opinions so I gave mine. Now I will also say I have a 15 year old dd who so far has no boyfriend but I really don't think my opinion would change. I really think that bringing a bf/gf on a vacation is an adult privelage.

 

[FoundMyPrince]

Hi everyone! I must admit that I have been a lurker for about 2 years now, and even after a few trips to WDW, I still applied info learned here to our last trip in 7/08!. Yes, always summer heat trips for this family!

I haven't seen this topic yet, although I bet it has been asked here. Would you allow your daughter who will be an almost 18 year old senior for our July trip to bring her boyfriend of over a year? He is a year younger but in the same grade, and has NEVER been to Disney! My heart wants to see him on his 1st trip so badly, but my gut is saying no, no, NO! I barely let them in her room together, and neither has their license yet, so if Uh-hum you know what I mean and suspect might has gone on, it has not been here! I know his parents would let him go, and he is a good kid.

However, our family dh, ds-7yrs, dd, boyfriend and myself will have to share a deluxe room with each other, as boyfriend would need the daybed. We have stayed and loved POR over the last few years while my older son joined us, but he is a college kid and not a DIS/heat lover and is staying home this time. DD will last maybe 3 hours in the parks, so I know she would be back at the room with him, and I won't leave the parks that soon, so you know what I'm getting at. She says just take the room keys, but I know they'll bug me for swimsuits or whatever else, so that would not work. I'd love opinions on this!

no.

 

[Hannathy]

no.

Why?

 

[FoundMyPrince]

no.

It's February and July is a long way off for most high school romances. Who knows if the young couple will even be together at that time. Frankly, I wouldn't want to deal with the potential drama of a teenage romance on a vacation. (the nice part of vacations is that you can leave that home while enjoying time with the family)

Regardless of what you think about the maturity level of this couple, the younger children will see it as acceptable and possibly expected that they can take a boyfriend/girlfriend in the future. So, when they are around a junior in high school you've already set the precident that it's okay to spend a week with a boyfriend/girlfriend for a week (I say junior year since you'd be saying it's okay for the current boyfriend to do so).

The daughter will be at the parks for three hours a day then head back to the room with bf? If you barely allow them in her bedroom together at home, why would you give them a bedroom while on vacation? Certainly seems like you'd be sending mixed messages.

Personally, I like family vacations to be for the family. But, if you want to bring someone along to occupy your daughter when she's not at the park for 3 hours during the day...perhaps she could bring along a friend (not a boy).

 

[Goofy_Dad_24]

This is really dependent upon your individual situation and knowledge of the kids involved. For some kids this would be fine, and for others it would be a terrible idea. I think that if someone thinks they are mature enough to bring their BF or GF along on family vacation, then that person should be mature enough to pay for their portion of the trip. So in your case I would tell my daughter that if she brings the BF that I was expecting each of them to pay for 1/5 of the trip costs.

 

[Hannathy]

This is really dependent upon your individual situation and knowledge of the kids involved. For some kids this would be fine, and for others it would be a terrible idea. I think that if someone thinks they are mature enough to bring their BF or GF along on family vacation, then that person should be mature enough to pay for their portion of the trip. So in your case I would tell my daughter that if she brings the BF that I was expecting each of them to pay for 1/5 of the trip costs.

Oh that's fair! You would punish your child for growing into a mature independent young adult, because that is what they are at 18, and reward immaturity with a paid trip. OK..............

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I wonder if by taking him you would be putting pressure on them re. the relationship. If that makes sense. At 17/18 they are just entering the adult dating world. I am sure that you know they will probably not remain a couple but wonder if you would be giving the impression that you have expectations for the relationship.

Just thinking.

 

[KingdomKeepersFinn]

Its really your call, but ask yourself one question: Can you TRUST her?

 

[Cruz91]

We had a similar situation when I was younger. My now wife (girlfriend at the time) was going to Vegas with her family. My family never had money to do a real vacation. We were both just finishing our 1st year in college - but had been dating for just over a year (started dating at the very end of HS). Anyway, her parents let me come along. They knew I didn't have money, so her dad even made up a couple of 'jobs' around the house for me to do to earn some (like painting their shed).

I agree, we were the exception to the rule in that we started dating young and have stayed together all this time (we have now been together a total of 18 years or so, married 12 of that). We were respectful of, and thankful for, the opportunity to be together on the vacation, so we did not betray the trust while we were there (if you know what I mean). It was just a fun trip.

 

[DawnM]

No. If you had a condo and he could have his own room or the pull out bed in the living room, then yes. But there is no way I would sleep in a room with a teenager like that.

Dawn

 

[WL Fan]

Every family is different. We've got 2 boys that are 21 and 20. Good kids, doing well in college. This will make the third trip we've invited their long time girlfriends to come along, and I'm glad to have them. We have a "girl's room" and a "boy's room", and everyone has a blast. I love them both, and am glad that my sons have shown such good taste in the girls they've chosen. I think it's an awesome opportunity to spend time with and get to know someone who's so important to your kids, and they get the chance to see what your family is like.

 

[disykat]

Oh that's fair! You would punish your child for growing into a mature independent young adult, because that is what they are at 18, and reward immaturity with a paid trip. OK..............

That doesn't make sense at all. Most families pay for their dependent kids when they go on vacation. (I've never met one that didn't.) Very few families continue to take their adult kids and their significant others on vacation and pay for the whole thing. It doesn't have anything to do with rewarding them or punishing them.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I still pay for my adult children to travel with us if they like. When they were 18, you bet we financed the trip.