Sister Wives

[ronandannette]

Not a fan of Meri.

But I could not live with the things that were said at the counselling session. Mostly the things said in the one-on-one producer interviews about her.

I am not saying that the things said were erroneous. Most were totally valid. Or that there wasn't a need for them to be put on the table. But my God that can't be good for one's being to hear things said so bluntly. And even more in a way that lacked an ounce of care for her or any intent of moving forward in their relationship.

I viewed Robyn as sweet and almost innocent when she first came in. This season she strikes me as an opportunist and I think she manipulates everyone with an act of sweet and innocent. I struggle with Meri. I can’t help but to feel her pain. that therapy session made me feel worse for her. Kody wants nothing to do with her anymore and made that pretty clear but I genuinely think she thought they were trying to work it out. She now knows she was the only one trying. I think he made it clear too that some of the kids and the other wives didn’t like her. i can’t imagine (right or wrong) how that must feel.

Maybe it feels like the chickens coming home to roost? Right from the beginning of this show it seemed pretty obvious that she was accustomed to being the "Wife in Charge". We learned over the years that it was always so, right from the time Kody married Janelle. Everything about her, in those early episodes, smacked of an emotional tyrant who bullied everybody into giving way, either overtly or covertly by manipulating Kody.

I think the whole divorce-to-marry-Robyn thing was really the first time she ran up against a brick wall and it caused her to "step out" with the on-line dating that resulted in her being catfished. It was always odd to me how that aspect of it was rarely mentioned - that it was her clear and purposeful intention to find another relationship that caused that whole debacle. Soon the "victim" narrative prevailed. It was, however a total FU to Kody and the other wives. They were all extremely gracious with her about it (at least on camera) but the fact that it killed whatever was between her and Kody shouldn't really be a shock. My own husband certainly wouldn't have moved past it, if it had been me.

ETA: Mariah didn't jump on the "poor Meri" bandwagon. She reacted with anger and disgust; very understandable feelings for a child that had been confronted by one parent cheating on the other. That, of anything, struck me as the most normal reaction of any that we saw. And yes, the irony of it, given that Kody has 4 wives, isn't lost on me, but the ethics are theirs - they all knew what they were signing up for.

 

[lisaviolet]

Maybe it feels like the chickens coming home to roost? Right from the beginning of this show it seemed pretty obvious that she was accustomed to being the "Wife in Charge". We learned over the years that it was always so, right from the time Kody married Janelle. Everything about her, in those early episodes, smacked of an emotional tyrant who bullied everybody into giving way, either overtly or covertly by manipulating Kody.

I think the whole divorce-to-marry-Robyn thing was really the first time she ran up against a brick wall and it caused her to "step out" with the on-line dating that resulted in her being catfished. It was always odd to me how that aspect of it was rarely mentioned - that it was her clear and purposeful intention to find another relationship that caused that whole debacle. Soon the "victim" narrative prevailed. It was, however a total FU to Kody and the other wives. They were all extremely gracious with her about it but the fact that it killed whatever was between her and Kody shouldn't really be a shock. My own husband certainly wouldn't have moved past it, if it had been me.

Weirdly enough I agree with every single thing you wrote Annette.

But my God this is the time to leave, that is my point. This does not seem like a learning situation for any of them. It is simply locked and loaded. And there's seemingly no space for forgiveness, understanding, hashing it all out. Not even saying that should be done. Nor am I blaming anyone, but regardless it is very ugly for a human to sit in that.

Meri has said people ask her all the time why she doesn't leave. She answers family. The family isn't going to disappear. I believe that if she goes and lives her life she will be happier (hopefully). And that can only help this very ugly dynamic over time.

The vulnerability to see her trying to hold on or work through something that is clearly long gone is difficult to watch.

And this is from someone who is not a fan of Meri.

 

[lisaviolet]

As he said in the therapy session, "We're family, but we're not a couple."
I think if she chooses to stay, that's the way it's going to be. She'll either need to be OK with that, or make the decision to leave.

Perfectly said.

It is not healthy to keep hoping for a definite closed door to open.

 

[ronandannette]

Weirdly enough I agree with every single thing you wrote Annette.

But my God this is the time to leave, that is my point. This does not seem like a learning situation for any of them. It is simply locked and loaded. And there's seemingly no space for forgiveness, understanding, hashing it all out. Not even saying that should be done. Nor am I blaming anyone, but regardless it is very ugly for a human to sit in that.

Meri has said people ask her all the time why she doesn't leave. She answers family. The family isn't going to disappear. I believe that is she goes and lives her life she will be happier (hopefully). And that can only help this very ugly dynamic over time.

The vulnerability to see her trying to hold on or work through something is that is clearly long gone is difficult to watch.

And this is from someone who is not a fan of Meri.

Not too sure how I should take that first part.

I agree with your post too, though. She (by their own standards) was unfaithful and he didn't forgive her. Marriage over; divorce ensues, family dynamics change but co-parenting and extended family relationships are eventually worked out and life goes on. Or at least it does in the monogamous, non FDLS world.

As for her trying to hold on? Well, the jaded side of me feels like it's just another manipulation. Like she just can't really believe that if she works them all hard enough, they won't all roll over like she wants them to - Kody included.

 

[lisaviolet]

Not too sure how I should take that first part.

So funny.

But just in case you are curious for a play-by-play:

Twofold -

You were giving the other side to our posts. And as I was reading I was thinking "oh wait I am agreeing with everything."

I found that hysterical, to have a strong viewpoint and still completely agree with the counter argument. Especially when there's a serious cognitive dissonance drought on the disboards.

And then there's the fact that you and I are so very different Annette, it's a special holiday to agree on everything.



Ship me a cake for such an occurrence.

 

[lisaviolet]

As for her trying to hold on? Well, the jaded side of me feels like it's just another manipulation. Like she just can't really believe that if she works them all hard enough, they won't all roll over like she wants them to - Kody included.

Ouch.

I can't decide if I am naive or I should do everything in existence to never ever get on your bad side.

 

[ronandannette]

So funny.
But just in case you are curious for a play-by-play:
Twofold -
You were giving the other side to our posts. And as I was reading I was thinking "oh wait I am agreeing with everything."
I found that hysterical, to have a strong viewpoint and still completely agree with the counter argument. Especially when there's a serious cognitive dissonance drought on the disboards.

And then there's the fact that you and I are so very different Annette, it's a special holiday to agree on everything.

Ship me a cake for such an occurrence.

You finally came over to the dark side...it's not so bad...we have cake!

 

[MamaLema]

.
Meri has said people ask her all the time why she doesn't leave. She answers family. The family isn't going to disappear. I believe that if she goes and lives her life she will be happier (hopefully). And that can only help this very ugly dynamic over time.

I’m not a Meri fan either but it made me sad when she said that. She is willing to be miserable for the rest of her life.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

I’m not a Meri fan either but it made me sad when she said that. She is willing to be miserable for the rest of her life.

I’d be curious to see what happens if she chooses to date. He said they were not a couple, they are no longer legally married so go get a boyfriend and bring him to family dinner and see what the *** has to say about that

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I think it was wrong for him to tell her that other wives and children feel the same way about her. It was so disrespectful.

first off, why are you bringing the kids into it? I find that so tacky and childish.

Why would you tell her that her sister wives feel the same way? They are grown women. If they feel some kind of way towards her they can speak for themselves.

at this point I feel like Kody is trying to force her to leave by being extra mean. Because he doesn’t have the gonads to just ask her to go.

 

[mom2rtk]

I’d be curious to see what happens if she chooses to date. He said they were not a couple, they are no longer legally married so go get a boyfriend and bring him to family dinner and see what the *** has to say about that

I'd watch that on pay per view!

 

[Melissa55]

Right from the beginning of this show it seemed pretty obvious that she was accustomed to being the "Wife in Charge". We learned over the years that it was always so, right from the time Kody married Janelle. Everything about her, in those early episodes, smacked of an emotional tyrant who bullied everybody into giving way, either overtly or covertly by manipulating Kody.

They dive into this a bit more in their book too, but yes, even before children were in the equation, Meri was very controlling to Kody and Janelle. Granted Meri was very young when she married Kody, and that seems to have stunted her emotionally, but it’s not an excuse for her behavior. She basically treated Janelle like an intrusive roommate.

 

[ronandannette]

They dive into this a bit more in their book too, but yes, even before children were in the equation, Meri was very controlling to Kody and Janelle. Granted Meri was very young when she married Kody, and that seems to have stunted her emotionally, but it’s not an excuse for her behavior. She basically treated Janelle like an intrusive roommate.

The latest thing we learned in this regard was when the "one big house" was being discussed. Janelle mentioned several times how in the single house they lived in in Utah, Meri had the prime middle space and refused to let the kids go back and forth through it. It seems like they've all spent their "married lives" kowtowing to her.

 

[Kitty 34]

I'd watch that on pay per view!

I'd even rent the DVD if it came out but then at this point in quarantine I'd rent about anything!!!

 

[ThistleMae]

I don't see Meri and Kody ever really being together again as a couple. As he said in the therapy session, "We're family, but we're not a couple." I think if she chooses to stay, that's the way it's going to be. She'll either need to be OK with that, or make the decision to leave. I do think that she stays because she's so attached to the family. She obviously loves the kids and enjoys being part of the gatherings and having a sense of community. I think she would like to have a relationship with Kody again, but I don't think he wants to give it the effort. And really why should he? He has 3 others wives. If a relationship with 1 goes bad, he'll just concentrate on the others. It's actually very sad.

The reason I don't see them reconnecting is that they are so different in how they approach things. Whenever there's a serious family discussion, Meri's strategy is to lurk in the background and not say a word. Each time they discussed the big house idea, she said nothing. She waited for the other wives to speak up so she could gauge their opinions first. She would continue to stay quiet, then act like a victim when something didn't go her way. It's a very passive-aggressive approach to life. Kody is out there and in everyone's face with his opinions, sometimes to the point of being a bully. When you put the two of them together, it's a recipe for disaster. I just don't think either can deal with the other's personality anymore, and neither is really going to change.

Right on, you hit the nail on the head. They will never be able to be in love again. It's even hard for them to be friends. Meri drives me crazy with her passive-aggressive behaviors, and it took Kody quite a while, probably with the addition of wives to realize the extent of her personality issues. She does love the kids, and I don't think she'll leave the family but....if someone came along and showed her affection, she might decide to have a relationship outside of the family. After all, she isn't married to Kody anymore.

 

[bethbuchall]

Was it not on last night? There was nothing on my dvr this morning.

 

[mickeystoontown]

Was it not on last night? There was nothing on my dvr this morning.

It wasn't on last night in our area.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

The season ended last week.

 

[bethbuchall]

It wasn't on last night in our area.

Thank you! I don't have to go looking for it.

 

[bethbuchall]

The season ended last week.

Thanks! I didn't realize that was a season ending. I also think my dvr cut last week's episode off.