How close are you to your breaking point?

[mom2rtk]

I just caught up on this thread. I like that people have been forthcoming about how they're feeling - right, wrong or indifferent. It's nice to get to know people in a way that we don't or can't always, on regular threads. Some of your posts moved me. I don't think anyone should be criticized here. We're all coming from different places and have a right to our feelings. This thread's become kind of a sounding board, which we all need right now, since we've never seen anything quite like this before. Thanks for all who shared.

I don't even know where to start, which is unusual for me since normally when I'm ready to respond to a thread the words just come right out. But lately they haven't. And I've been mostly quiet throughout all of this. I just don't have much energy. It's zapped. My sleep is off. Apparently I was talking in my sleep about a ventilator the other night. I don't think I've done that since many years ago on my first real job out of nursing school that was very overwhelming and from which I cried myself home every day.

Not doing that now, thankfully, but feeling a similar type of work-related stress, as I'm now working in our Covid units, which would be really hard for me to describe to people unfamiliar with the hospital environment. I wouldn't really want to anyway, I'm just keeping it mostly inside for now, where it belongs. (And discussing privately w friends from work for support.) Over the years I've taken care of patients with every type of germ imaginable, and never worried about it. But not having the right equipment was tough to reconcile at the beginning of all this. And emotionally draining. I also lost my mother prior to this after caring for her at home for over a year so that didn't help. And more that I won't get into; I'd be here all day! But together it's enough to make me take pause and try to figure it all out and how I feel about everything, etc. Talking to people at work, everyone is in the same boat. All are stressed. We are going to have a lot of medical workers coming out of this needing support. All time off has been cancelled; people are working outside their areas of expertise, working overnight shifts which they hadn't done in 25yrs, working with people they don't know, etc. It does feel like how I imagine a war zone would feel. And I think we're all grieving in a way for our previous roles and jobs. We're unsure if it will ever go back to the way it was.

It's nice to drive down the street and see hearts and notes cheering us on, and we really appreciate all the support from the public. But we don't always feel cared about by everyone. Strangely enough one of the things that moved me the most was seeing our governor practically crying in frustration at a press conference trying to procure masks and other supplies for us. It felt like he cared. Once at work the feeling of cameraderie is pretty good among us worker bees. So it may be that we relate to other healthcare workers the most right now, and that's ok.

I feel fortunate we can still pay our bills and put food on the table, etc. I am glad to have a very supportive family. I like having us all together. I just have been so exhausted on my days off that I haven't been able to do hardly any of the many things on my to-do list that I'd already put off for a long time. I know I will eventually. We just need to get through this.

This is the first I read about your mom's passing. Your family will be in my prayers. Couple that with being on the front lines of this, and it's a lot. I'm so sorry.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

My friend is an EI speech therapist in a very poor area (Paterson NJ), and she hates some of the situations her kids are in that she doesn’t always see in person. Not abuse, but just not caring or nurturing, parents who have no clue on even how to play with their children.

I’ve seen a rise in domestic abuse cases and children coming in with mysterious injuries at the hospital I work at. It’s sad. It really is.

It’s nothing scientific but something I’ve noticed and so have the others in my department.

 

[LSUmiss]

No, but visiting family members involves driving out of town and staying with them. I can't do it and social distance from them. Once restrictions are eased, we will get together. We'll still take some precautions. For example, I'll isolate for a couple of weeks before going to see my parents. Then I'll wait at least a couple of weeks before I go see my son and daughter-in-law. I'm going to work on keeping my public exposure low so that I can be closer to family. I'm much less worried about getting this than I am about passing it on which is probably silly given my age, etc.

I am fortunate that most of my close family is on the same street as me or just a 15 min drive away.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I have zero plans to visit my friends and family until we all deem it safe enough to do so. I am happy that they are safe in their homes. They have the same idea as us. I won't jeopardize their health because we all miss each other. Facetime etc works great and the little ones still get to see grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc. It's not like it's been a year or something extreme. We can wait another couple of weeks for everyone's safety. We all feel life over social hour.

 

[disykat]

So I have a question for those not visiting friends & family, do you plan until there is a vaccine or cure before you see them again?

This question confuses me. It sounds like you think those of us not visiting friends and family are a minority. I know there are a few states without a stay at home order, but very few. Most of us are home temporarily to flatten the curve. There is no one with a "stay home until the vaccine" order. Following the stay at home order doesn't make someone a person who is going to hide in their home beyond that order, it makes them law abiding. People literally all over the world have been asked to do this with the idea that things open back up as able.

 

[nycdisneygal]

What most upsets me is that this is going to be here with no end in sight -- no idea when and if there will be a vaccine. We dont have a vaccine against any other coronavirus.
I am home more than half the week - am a doctor but specialized not at hospital so we hardly have any patients and I have a huge salary cut> its ok as my husband (non medical) can work from home and we just moved out of NYC last year and bought a very modest house (and live modestly except for indulging in disney trips!) so we can live on his salary for the time being _ and I am still able to pay my med school loans so its nice to pay them while there is 0% interest accumulating. Still its a situation I never thought I would be in after all those years of school and 8 years of training after med school. And heartbreaking to think of all those people not getting needed healthcare right now since they cant. I miss the patients as I have met so many interesting and kind people.
I am enjoying being able to spend and enjoy time with my kids. I had left a toxic work environment last year (another doctor I worked with was lazy and a horrible vindictive person and then they hired an even more evil person to deal with her) and was finally settling into my new life and started recovering from the abuse I endured at my old job (big well known academic center) and then BOOM - the whole world changed.
For me sometimes I feel this is all hopeless. I mean 1 year from now what will things be like?
Not much better?
How about 2022?
Don't know.
My parents live next door to us and we only see each other across the driveway or when they come to our backporch for something and stand outside (they came and sang happy birthday to me). When will my kids be able to play with them?
I was taking my parents on another disney cruise to europe (i took them to alaska in 2017) so we postponed that - not sure we can even do the 2021 trip. Even though that does not sound important - it hard to think that anybody may not be able to do pleasure things for a long time... or ever with my elderly parents?

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t taking a toll on my mental health. I have some OCD driven behaviors (literally, diagnosed by a professional) and wow is this situation exacerbating them. That’s been a real struggle because I find my OCD absolutely exhausting and draining. Like others, I know overall, I’m incredibly lucky to have the situation I have in all of this, but it’s harder than I thought it would be when this started 7 weeks ago.

While I’ve never dealt with depression in the past I’ve been feeling a lot of the “classic” symptoms. I can’t really seem to find any enjoyment in anything. I have zero motivation to do anything. I’m not sleeping or sleeping at odd times. So many of the things that I find joy in are no longer available to me. Everything I do is rote. The most difficult part is that there are still more questions than answers and no real end. I’ve never been amazing at “living in the moment” and tend to focus on future plans a lot. There’s not really a lot of future planning that can be done right now so

I see people all over saying how things won’t be normal until there’s a vaccine or they think stay at home orders should continue until there’s a vaccine and that thought is so hard for me because I really can’t fathom this being what the next 2 years of life looks like.

Yes, I’m lucky. Yes, all I have to do is stay home. Yes, it could be worse. Yes, I’m still struggling to do anything more than exist.

 

[luvsJack]

I have zero plans to visit my friends and family until we all deem it safe enough to do so. I am happy that they are safe in their homes. They have the same idea as us. I won't jeopardize their health because we all miss each other. Facetime etc works great and the little ones still get to see grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc. It's not like it's been a year or something extreme. We can wait another couple of weeks for everyone's safety. We all feel life over social hour.

It may be “good enough” for you but it isn’t for everyone.

Every one has different situations and different family dynamics.

It’s only been a few weeks but if someone has an elderly and sick parent who may not live a few more weeks, is FaceTime “good enough”. Or a sick grandchild?

Now, I could wait awhile longer to see my kids. But we have all been in our respective houses for the most part for weeks. And we all figured out how to see each other in a safe manner. Nothing whatsoever wrong with doing that.

 

[Disneylover99]

So I have a question for those not visiting friends & family, do you plan until there is a vaccine or cure before you see them again?

When rules are lifted, I will see my friends and family. But I will continue to follow the rules until then.

 

[LSUmiss]

When rules are lifted, I will see my friends and family. But I will continue to follow the rules until then.

That worked for me until they kept moving the goal post. It was supposed to be to flatten the curve. Well that has happened here & they keep finding reasons to extended it.

 

[disykat]

It may be “good enough” for you but it isn’t for everyone.

Every one has different situations and different family dynamics.

It’s only been a few weeks but if someone has an elderly and sick parent who may not live a few more weeks, is FaceTime “good enough”. Or a sick grandchild?

Now, I could wait awhile longer to see my kids. But we have all been in our respective houses for the most part for weeks. And we all figured out how to see each other in a safe manner. Nothing whatsoever wrong with doing that.

There are exceptions in place for dying family members. I am in this situation with my parents and I am staying away for the greater good. If Dad gets placed on hospice during this crisis, then I'll be able to visit. Until then we make due with the phone like everyone else and wait to visit as soon as restrictions are lifted. He was a doctor and it's what he would want. If he was in his own home, we could isolate and then visit, but he's not. He is in a residence that has rules to protect him and all the other residents. This is an incredibly sad situation, but it would be way worse if he or anyone in his home contracted COVID 19.

 

[BuckeyeBama]

That worked for me until they kept moving the goal post. It was supposed to be to flatten the curve. Well that has happened here & they keep finding reasons to extended it.

That was the mantra, but it was never only to flatten the curve. It was also to buy us time to implement better testing, reduce the number of cases to allow tracing and to allow time for the development of more effective treatments.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

This question confuses me. It sounds like you think those of us not visiting friends and family are a minority. I know there are a few states without a stay at home order, but very few. Most of us are home temporarily to flatten the curve. There is no one with a "stay home until the vaccine" order. Following the stay at home order doesn't make someone a person who is going to hide in their home beyond that order, it makes them law abiding. People literally all over the world have been asked to do this with the idea that things open back up as able.

It's been mentioned by more than one poster and by a variety of people out there to practice physical social distancing til a vaccine or treatment; seemed legit to ask if someone planned on not visiting family members until then.

My stay at home order ends May 3rd..well that's my state one..my County's one expired this past Friday we just reverted to the state's..well technically the state's ends May 1st due to powers given to the governor but all discussion is around the original extension date of May 3rd before it was discovered the governor doesn't have the authority to extend beyond May 1st so May 4th is being listed as the first date of enactment of phased opening.

Like I said I mentioned before I'm not sure when I'll feel comfortable to hug my mom (an example I gave on the other thread) but May 4th is highly unlikely for me to be there..I'm thinking it will be a while but I have said I'm confident in that I'm not waiting til a vaccine or treatment.

 

[SaintsManiac]

That worked for me until they kept moving the goal post. It was supposed to be to flatten the curve. Well that has happened here & they keep finding reasons to extended it.

Nothing was extended here. The stay at home mandate expires April 30th. JBE is making an announcement about it today at 4pm.

 

[LSUmiss]

That was the mantra, but it was never only to flatten the curve. It was also to buy us time to implement better testing, reduce the number of cases to allow tracing and to allow time for the development of more effective treatments.

Then that should have been better communicated. And, personally, we aren’t going to wait to see family b/c who knows how long that could take. That’s fine if they want to wait to open the economy til they all have that worked out, but I’m done with waiting. We don’t see family who are exposed in their jobs & we only see a very small group who live very close. But, it’s all so arbitrary now. If I live in GA, I can see my family, but since I live in Louisiana, I can’t. That’s just silliness.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

That worked for me until they kept moving the goal post. It was supposed to be to flatten the curve. Well that has happened here & they keep finding reasons to extended it.

I think that's part of the problem for a growing number of people. Even in my area there is a growing concern towards compliance and there's a contention between having differing dates for stay at home orders to expire. It's not that people are looking for ways necessarily to push against staying at home, sure some are, but I feel like many aren't. It's the idea of extending for a 3rd time for some places that looms over people's head up against the very frank conversation of the economic losses and really I'm talking not just about businesses I'm talking about cities, counties and states.

It's been said my state is unlikely to extend beyond the dates I mentioned above and is moving towards phased opening. I hope that's the case but honestly I don't expect phase 1 to be much different than stay at home orders but for the outlook for people seeing some movement versus none will likely make a large difference.

 

[LSUmiss]

Nothing was extended here. The stay at home mandate expires April 30th. JBE is making an announcement about it today at 4pm.

I’m in orleans parish though & it goes til 5/16 per Latoya. Although I had heard a lawyer on the radio say he isn’t sure that a parish or city can have a mandate that’s more restrictive than what the governor says. Guess we’ll see.

 

[BuckeyeBama]

Then that should have been better communicated. And, personally, we aren’t going to wait to see family b/c who knows how long that could take. That’s fine if they want to wait to open the economy til they all have that worked out, but I’m done with waiting. We don’t see family who are exposed in their jobs & we only see a very small group who live very close. But, it’s all so arbitrary now. If I live in GA, I can see my family, but since I live in Louisiana, I can’t. That’s just silliness.

I agree - the messaging and communication around this entire thing has been a train wreck.

 

[SaintsManiac]

Then that should have been better communicated. And, personally, we aren’t going to wait to see family b/c who knows how long that could take. That’s fine if they want to wait to open the economy til they all have that worked out, but I’m done with waiting. We don’t see family who are exposed in their jobs & we only see a very small group who live very close. But, it’s all so arbitrary now. If I live in GA, I can see my family, but since I live in Louisiana, I can’t. That’s just silliness.

Everyone has a threshold and I get that. We cannot be with my husband's grandmother while she recovers from the virus. She's alone at her nursing home. Luckily she's known some of the other residents her entire life, but she has been confined to her ROOM for 6 weeks. She was actually glad to get out and go to the hospital for a change of scenery!

If you and your family all agree that you don't care about the risks then fine. No one can stop you. Personally, I find all of it upsetting, but I am just looking at this as being a good neighbor and part of the community. JBE isn't fining people. He isn't throwing people in jail. He simply asked everyone to step up and do their part.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

It may be “good enough” for you but it isn’t for everyone.

Every one has different situations and different family dynamics.

It’s only been a few weeks but if someone has an elderly and sick parent who may not live a few more weeks, is FaceTime “good enough”. Or a sick grandchild?

Now, I could wait awhile longer to see my kids. But we have all been in our respective houses for the most part for weeks. And we all figured out how to see each other in a safe manner. Nothing whatsoever wrong with doing that.

I'm sorry if I struck a nerve but I said it was working for US. Never did I say that it should be perfect for everyone. Maybe it doesn't matter to you but my husband was diagnosed with ALS during this period. It is still working for us. We need to keep HIM safe.