My sister who is joining us on our cruise in 3 months, LOST her husband of 40 yrs. BAD update

[ofcabbagesandkings]

OP, so sorry about your BIL. My mom came with us to WDW last October a week after my grandmother passed. She had not been planning to come because my grandmother had been having issues with dementia for about a month before we learned she had cancer, and my mom was one of the few family members she reliably remembered. Our trip ended up being a week after the funeral. It was really restorative for my mom, to get out of town after spending a month dealing with nursing homes, hospitals and hospice care, and sitting in the hospice more or less around the clock for the last week before she passed. Just to spend time in a beautiful resort, playing and cuddling with her loving and happy grandsons, having nice meals, enjoying the parks and the rides. We were very gentle with her, when she wanted to just sleep in and relax in the resort one morning we just met up with her in the park that afternoon. Disney transportation makes it easy to let people go at their own pace, and cruises seem to have that advantage too.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Update on my BIL...he passed at 3:20 this afternoon. My sister is exhausted and numb, but in the end she and the kids were relieved he finally let go. My younger sister, who works at the same hospital my older sister does, called me to tell me that some co-worker's were willing to donate some time to my sister, because of the 3 months she was out recovering from her stroke, and now this, she doesn't have much left. In the conversation she had with her, my older sister told her she didn't know if she could accept the donated time, since she has to use all of her time before she can use donated time, and she told my sister that she has a trip she is going on in November, so she didn't want to use all her time now, so she can go on the trip in November. (That would be the cruise).

So at least right now, I have confirmation she is still planning on going, and that makes me so happy! She really is going to need it.

 

[Amunet]

Update on my BIL...he passed at 3:20 this afternoon. My sister is exhausted and numb, but in the end she and the kids were relieved he finally let go. My younger sister, who works at the same hospital my older sister does, called me to tell me that some co-worker's were willing to donate some time to my sister, because of the 3 months she was out recovering from her stroke, and now this, she doesn't have much left. In the conversation she had with her, my older sister told her she didn't know if she could accept the donated time, since she has to use all of her time before she can use donated time, and she told my sister that she has a trip she is going on in November, so she didn't want to use all her time now, so she can go on the trip in November. (That would be the cruise).

So at least right now, I have confirmation she is still planning on going, and that makes me so happy! She really is going to need it.

I'm glad to hear his suffering is over and about the gracious co-workers.
Wonderful that she is still planning for a future positive event

Please don't forget your own feelings during this. Sometimes taking care of others during a time of grieving will take a toll, physically, mentally and emotionally. It's good to self care a bit so you can be there to support them as well.

Healing energy to you and you family.

 

[amiskell28]

Update on my BIL...he passed at 3:20 this afternoon. My sister is exhausted and numb, but in the end she and the kids were relieved he finally let go. My younger sister, who works at the same hospital my older sister does, called me to tell me that some co-worker's were willing to donate some time to my sister, because of the 3 months she was out recovering from her stroke, and now this, she doesn't have much left. In the conversation she had with her, my older sister told her she didn't know if she could accept the donated time, since she has to use all of her time before she can use donated time, and she told my sister that she has a trip she is going on in November, so she didn't want to use all her time now, so she can go on the trip in November. (That would be the cruise).

So at least right now, I have confirmation she is still planning on going, and that makes me so happy! She really is going to need it.

Many prayers and peace to you and your family.

 

[SherriNichole]

If you have cruised or know someone who has cruised shortly after losing a loved one, what did you do to help make the cruise about enjoying life again? I know I won't be able to make anything happen for her, she will grieve in her own way and in her own time. I just want to be able to make suggestions that she can either accept or forget.

I am cruising after 2 nights in Disney in November on my parents' DVC points. My mom passed in October and my dad has added us to the deed, so it's technically me and my brother's too, but it's going to be so weird and hard going on a Disney vacation without her. I've only ever done family vacation and I am heartbroken because of the circumstances but excited for a new chapter, as it will be me and my husband's honeymoon vacation. Personally, I am keeping busy by planning and keeping my eye on the prize of this trip. I'm researching and board browsing and making FE things. I've gotten little things to take on the trip with me that will help me keep her in the front of my mind (things for our door, DVC pins, the Dooney cruise purse she bought me, etc). DVC was a big deal for her. Disney vacations were a huge thing in our family and being able to do this with my husband is making it slightly easier. I wouldn't force, but I would encourage, her to go to dinner with you guys. I would encourage her to do what she wanted to do before all of this happened: any liquor tastings or excursions etc. I needed to stay busy. We did go to Hilton Head 3 months after her passing (it was supposed to be her and my dad) - me, my dad and my husband - and we did fun things like the island tour, jewelry making, canvas painting, tye-dye and fishing off the bridge. My dad did a lot of this with us, but he grieved a lot differently than I did.

Three years ago we lost my mother suddenly while she was on vacation. The day after my mom passed my uncle suffered a massive attack and passed 2 weeks later. My grandmother struggled with the loss of 2 of her children within 2 weeks of each other. She had already buried my other uncle 4 years before that and we all felt that the loss of my mom and uncle might be too much for her. Thankfully she is a very strong woman and while she continues to grieve she has been able to move forward. About 2 weeks after the funerals she and my aunt took a weekend away just to relax and get away for a little while. I really think it did them both a world of good.

Not to be slightly off topic, but we lost my mom in October and her brother 10 days before her. Our wedding was 25 days before she passed...and both of my grandparents are still alive. So, they also buried 2 kids in 2 weeks. Literally the hardest thing ever, as my uncle lived with my grandparents and they cared for him and my mom had 3 rounds of cancer before she couldn't take it anymore.

 

[GlassAct]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Thank you all so much for your condolences, but my family just went through a nightmare. My sister's oldest son is a pilot, and my BIL wanted his ashes scattered over their house and a section of town that he called "his stomping ground" as he was growing up. Last Friday, August 24th, just over 2 weeks of my BL's passing, my nephew Scott and my nephew Patrick went up in the plane with the ashes. The plane crashed shortly after take off. Scotty was killed and my nephew Patrick is paralyzed from the waist down, has many, many broken bones. I live in Virginia Beach, so I could not get to my sister quick enough. The anguish I felt was like nothing I have ever felt in my life, so I could only imagine hers.

We laid Scotty to rest on Friday, and now we have to focus on Patrick. Oh, and he remembers EVERYTHING about the crash. So he doesn't even have the mercy of a no memory. He was awake when they "had to unfold his legs from behind him to get him out of the plane"

Amazingly enough, I talked to her tonight and she told me "come hell or high water, I will be on that cruise ship in November." I cried, because I was so certain there was no way she would feel like going on a Disney vacation so soon after this nightmare. But she said she is going to need it. We all are.

https://boston.cbslocal.com/2018/08...port-fatal-crash-scott-patrick-landis-sister/

https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2...h-paralyzed/Cx9CIuAmTMviK7yBEPtD4J/story.html

 

[Carrie in AZ]

Oh my heavens, I am shocked by what I have just read. I am SO sorry for your losses and all you have been through. Your poor sister. I just cannot imagine these losses. Thank you for coming here to update us. Again, please know how sorry I am. I am going to say a prayer right now for your sister and all involved.

 

[Burgundy Rose]

Oh my gosh, honey, i'm so sorry. I can't begin to imagine what you're all going through. I'm sending you hugs, thoughts and prayers; I wish I could do more. Good luck you all and thank you for updating us.

 

[bumbershoot]

Oh I am so sorry. Im tearing up now for your family. I’m so sorry.

 

[jerseygal]

Oh my God, this is the saddest story I have heard. There are no words for this tragedy that your family is going through. May you and your family be comforted by strength and courage to endure this most difficult time. Your family is in all of our thoughts and prayers as you face the days ahead.

 

[serenitynow]

Tears and prayers. My deepest condolences.

 

[ladyofthetramp]

Thank you all so much for your condolences, but my family just went through a nightmare. My sister's oldest son is a pilot, and my BIL wanted his ashes scattered over their house and a section of town that he called "his stomping ground" as he was growing up. Last Friday, August 24th, just over 2 weeks of my BL's passing, my nephew Scott and my nephew Patrick went up in the plane with the ashes. The plane crashed shortly after take off. Scotty was killed and my nephew Patrick is paralyzed from the waist down, has many, many broken bones. I live in Virginia Beach, so I could not get to my sister quick enough. The anguish I felt was like nothing I have ever felt in my life, so I could only imagine hers.

We laid Scotty to rest on Friday, and now we have to focus on Patrick. Oh, and he remembers EVERYTHING about the crash. So he doesn't even have the mercy of a no memory. He was awake when they "had to unfold his legs from behind him to get him out of the plane"

Amazingly enough, I talked to her tonight and she told me "come hell or high water, I will be on that cruise ship in November." I cried, because I was so certain there was no way she would feel like going on a Disney vacation so soon after this nightmare. But she said she is going to need it. We all are.

https://boston.cbslocal.com/2018/08...port-fatal-crash-scott-patrick-landis-sister/

https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2...h-paralyzed/Cx9CIuAmTMviK7yBEPtD4J/story.html

I am from the Boston area and saw and heard about your family's story on the local news. Please accept my deepest sympathies and condolences. May your family find peace in the days ahead.

 

[Deb T.]

Words could never express how deeply sorry I am for everything your family is going through.

 

[CamColt]

Oh how awful! I have been hearing this story on the news and just couldn't even believe it. I had no idea that was your family. Please know your family is in my thoughts and prayers,and I'm sure those of many others too.

 

[samily]

I am so sorry for all the pain and suffering you all have had to bear. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

 

[Pens Fan]

I am so sorry for your family's loss. I can't imagine what you are all going through. Thoughts and prayers.

 

[cheermom2four]

I'm so sorry for your family's loss - such a huge amount of loss. I wished I knew what to say but please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

 

[CarolynU]

I am at a complete loss for words. I cannot even begin to understand how you are all feeling and that comes from a widow who also lost her husband to cancer.
This just doesn’t seem possible that one family should endure this.
My heart goes out to you, and I’m so so sorry for all that you are going through.

 

[KashasMom]

I am so sorry for your family's loss.