Upset with my mom

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

No, having a great day, I usually do. Nothing wrong with my statement. If she/he is hurt by the mothers truthful comment, she/he is going to have a tough time in adulthood, which by the way 27 is very well into adulthood.

There's a difference in terms of maturity in being hurt and other things.

No matter what age you are you can be hurt by the things people say, the way they say things and when they keep saying things after you've let them know you don't appreciate what/how they are saying.

How you deal with the things that hurt you shows your maturity level which is why I didn't agree with the OP expressing that they didn't say the parents didn't help out and that's why they were struggling when they could have--because parents don't owe children financial assistance (ETA: in terms of college).

But hey what do I know perhaps in your entire life you've never been hurt by what someone has said to you. All power to you if that's the case.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'd expect to get some kidding or comments from friends and family for those circumstances. I'm not saying they are BAD, but just unusual and unconventional.

I expect comments about when am I going to have kids, how come I haven't had kids yet, you can't have kids if you keep traveling, you're starting to get older better have those kids soon.

Just because I expect them doesn't make them any less inconsiderate.

 

[bushdianee]

I am another who took 8 years to graduate from college. My parents had always told all 8 of us that if we wanted to college we'd have to find our own way to pay for it. We could live at home but would have to pay room and board (1/4 of my take home pay). So I was working almost full time and taking a full load of classes. In my sophomore year I was diagnosed with cancer. I lost a full semester of school and was out of work for 3 months. The next 2 years I had to have more surgeries that cost me class and work time. Plus medical bills, thank goodness I was still on my parents' insurance as long as I remained a full time student. Closer to the end when I had my own insurance I went part time and worked 2 jobs. I didn't qualify for any financial aid as my dad supposedly made too much $. I did take out some loans but only enough to cover my tuition and books so I didn't end up paying a fortune back. When it was time for the youngest to go to college she got help for her books and didn't have to pay room and board. She and I are the only ones who graduated from 4 year colleges, one other sister got her associates degree but had moved out right after high school the other five never wanted to go college. My dad didn't graduate from high school and my mom didn't go to college. My dad's attitude towards my going to college (I was the oldest child and a girl) was "why bother, you're just going to get married and have kids." I never did get married or have kids! I was studying to be a teacher. My youngest sister studied to be a nurse so their attitudes were different and they were more supportive of her. It was hard, but now I look back and am proud that I finished despite my difficulties and I did it pretty much on my own even though it took me twice as long as it should have.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Are you still living in her home? You are in the age group that's been coddled. Toughen up some, if this bothers you just wait to see what real life throws at you. By the way, your mother has a point.

No, having a great day, I usually do. Nothing wrong with my statement. If she/he is hurt by the mothers truthful comment, she/he is going to have a tough time in adulthood, which by the way 27 is very well into adulthood.

Wow.... Your comments from the first post above are nothing like the so-called reiterated version in your defense.

Wow.
The comments in that first post say it all.
They stand alone.
IMHO the are unwarranted, unhelpful, judgemental, and completely and totally inappropriate.

Most of us have been able to advise the OP that she should move forward and not let herself be so hurt by others rude and judgemental comments.

I would now apply that to the comments made by her mother and family, as well as comments like the above posted on an anonymous chat board.
Because, as I had stated... 'those' people are always gonna be out there.

 

[manning]

My response to them would be " I'm doing this because of money, if you want me to get this finished fast I will gladly take donations". If that doesn't shut them up then don't let it bother you.

 

[IRLdisneyprincess]

Hey it's OP! I'm still reading but to answer some questions I didn't clarify in my post-

-I do work at a gas station
-I live out on my own, pay my own bills, rent, cell phone bill and my own tuition, etcs. My parents don't support me and I'm not on their insurance, nothing like that. I'm a self supporting adult and I have no problem with paying my own way

I also want to say that I don't blame my parents for not being able to pay for college. I never said that I did... I said that when my mom and family says things like that, I want to lash out and say something mean right back. Something "mean" is that they didn't help me, but if they had, I might not be a "career student", as they see it.

 

[IRLdisneyprincess]

I agree. Someone working full time would almost always need more time to graduate. Someone going to school full time (either while not working or working a part time job) would expect to finish pre-reqs for a BA in about 2 years of community college. So you could expect that to stretch to 4 years for someone working full time. The OP has been going to community college to NINE years trying to finish pre-reqs to move on to a university for a bachelor's. I'd expect to get some kidding or comments from friends and family for those circumstances. I'm not saying they are BAD, but just unusual and unconventional.

I was working on another degree prior to switching to Accounting a few years ago. And I only take a few classes a semester because of the cost. The community college near me is expensive! At least it is for me. Plus books and other fees. And I work full-time. I would have loved to have finished in 4-6 years but with paying rent and other bills, it just wasn't possible. Yes, it'd be easy to finish pre-reqs in two years if I could pay to take 12-15 credit hours a semester but I couldn't do that for several years because of the cost. Now I'll be done after next semester and can finally transfer into a university.

Also, I had some breaks in between those years. I had to take care of an alcoholic parent. Not an excuse, but my life was on hold for a while in my early twenties. Not anymore.

 

[dish rag]

Wow.... Your comments from the first post above are nothing like the so-called reiterated version in your defense.

Wow.
The comments in that first post say it all.
They stand alone.
IMHO the are unwarranted, unhelpful, judgemental, and completely and totally inappropriate.

Most of us have been able to advise the OP that she should move forward and not let herself be so hurt by others rude and judgemental comments.

I would now apply that to the comments made by her mother and family, as well as comments like the above posted on an anonymous chat board.
Because, as I had stated... 'those' people are always gonna be out there.

Wow.... Your comments from the first post above are nothing like the so-called reiterated version in your defense.

Wow.
The comments in that first post say it all.
They stand alone.
IMHO the are unwarranted, unhelpful, judgemental, and completely and totally inappropriate.

Most of us have been able to advise the OP that she should move forward and not let herself be so hurt by others rude and judgemental comments.

I would now apply that to the comments made by her mother and family, as well as comments like the above posted on an anonymous chat board.
Because, as I had stated... 'those' people are always gonna be out there.

I have read enough of your overly long posts enough that I can tell you that your opinion really means nothing to me. What her mother said to her is nothing to get all upset about. And anyone who would have to come to the dis for an opinion on something like this has bigger problems than the mother saying what she said.

 

[IRLdisneyprincess]

I have read enough of your overly long posts enough that I can tell you that your opinion really means nothing to me. What her mother said to her is nothing to get all upset about. And anyone who would have to come to the dis for an opinion on something like this has bigger problems than the mother saying what she said.

I appreciate your perspective but my mom's comment did hurt my feelings and I came here to vent about it. I know I'm not a weak, coddled person. I get my feelings hurt sometimes... it happens. Talking about it makes me feel better. I apologize if the content of my post triggered you in any way. It seems like it did since it's caused you to respond in a rude way.

 

[jo-jo]

Hey it's OP! I'm still reading but to answer some questions I didn't clarify in my post-

-I do work at a gas station
-I live out on my own, pay my own bills, rent, cell phone bill and my own tuition, etcs. My parents don't support me and I'm not on their insurance, nothing like that. I'm a self supporting adult and I have no problem with paying my own way

I also want to say that I don't blame my parents for not being able to pay for college. I never said that I did... I said that when my mom and family says things like that, I want to lash out and say something mean right back. Something "mean" is that they didn't help me, but if they had, I might not be a "career student", as they see it.

I was wondering if you were living at home with mom and dad paying for everything and you were paying for school. I thought perhaps mom was saying we supported you enough.

HOWEVER, if you are on your own, paying your own rent, food, etc, whether you spend YOUR money on going to school or buying $500 shoes it's your business.

As a old mom, I did take some offense at the comment if you had saved money for me.....again, were they busy putting food on the table or did they jet off to Europe every weekend. I am of the school of if parent can help with schooling, wedding, new house, babysitter , etc, that would be nice, but it is not to be expected. And to be clear, in case of emergency, certain rules get thrown out the window. Something happens, sure we'll babysit for the next three weeks, but we aren't going to babysit so you can go watch every disney movie made.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

I have read enough of your overly long posts enough that I can tell you that your opinion really means nothing to me. What her mother said to her is nothing to get all upset about. And anyone who would have to come to the dis for an opinion on something like this has bigger problems than the mother saying what she said.

And anyone who comes just to say mean things simply has problems.

 

[piccolopat]

I would tell your mom that you chose not to incur a large amount of student loans like others have and paying for classes as you can afford them is what works for you. Tell her that her comments are hurtful and that you would appreciate it if she would keep that in mind going forward. If she or others continue, just give a curt "I'm done explaining" and then walk away. Hopefully they'll get the message.

 

[IRLdisneyprincess]

I was wondering if you were living at home with mom and dad paying for everything and you were paying for school. I thought perhaps mom was saying we supported you enough.

HOWEVER, if you are on your own, paying your own rent, food, etc, whether you spend YOUR money on going to school or buying $500 shoes it's your business.

As a old mom, I did take some offense at the comment if you had saved money for me.....again, were they busy putting food on the table or did they jet off to Europe every weekend. I am of the school of if parent can help with schooling, wedding, new house, babysitter , etc, that would be nice, but it is not to be expected. And to be clear, in case of emergency, certain rules get thrown out the window. Something happens, sure we'll babysit for the next three weeks, but we aren't going to babysit so you can go watch every disney movie made.

Like I said, I don't resent my parents for not having the money to put me through school. I'm saying that the thought crossed through my mind because I was looking for ways to snap back at her. I immediately felt badly for thinking that, as I noted in my OP.

She wanted to know why I'm taking forever with school. Well.. because of money.

 

[soccerdad72]

I think you either have to be upfront with your feelings or learn to live with the comments. Tell them you understand they’re joking but it hurts your feelings.

Going all the way back to the first response on the thread, but in reality, it comes down to this. Either you tell your family that their comments and jokes are hurting you or you deal with it and bite your tongue.

 

[VandVsmama]

Hey it's OP! I'm still reading but to answer some questions I didn't clarify in my post-

-I do work at a gas station
-I live out on my own, pay my own bills, rent, cell phone bill and my own tuition, etcs. My parents don't support me and I'm not on their insurance, nothing like that. I'm a self supporting adult and I have no problem with paying my own way

I also want to say that I don't blame my parents for not being able to pay for college. I never said that I did... I said that when my mom and family says things like that, I want to lash out and say something mean right back. Something "mean" is that they didn't help me, but if they had, I might not be a "career student", as they see it.

Well, since you're living on your own & fully supporting yourself, paying your own rent, etc., and on top of that you are paying your own way through school, your parents and the rest of your relatives who say mean things about your college education can go pound sand. Opinions are like rear ends...everybody has one. 1 opinion is not necessarily better than another one. YOU get to make your own decisions for YOUR life.

The naysayers about your college education can go take a long walk off a short pier as far as I'm concerned!

 

[Hikergirl]

Hey it's OP! I'm still reading but to answer some questions I didn't clarify in my post-

-I do work at a gas station
-I live out on my own, pay my own bills, rent, cell phone bill and my own tuition, etcs. My parents don't support me and I'm not on their insurance, nothing like that. I'm a self supporting adult and I have no problem with paying my own way

I also want to say that I don't blame my parents for not being able to pay for college. I never said that I did... I said that when my mom and family says things like that, I want to lash out and say something mean right back. Something "mean" is that they didn't help me, but if they had, I might not be a "career student", as they see it.

I had wrongly assumed that you were still living at home with your parents.
Tell your mother and anyone else who questions you that how you choose to use YOUR time is none of their damn business and you are perfectly happy with the choices you have made regarding your life. If that doesn't work you can always tell them to go to hell.

 

[ramee]

Maybe it boils down to you naturally want your family’s approval. And that’s not coming through when they make snide remarks.

9 years is a good chunk of time for them to identify you with your schooling at this point. Its synonymous. That’s what you’ve been focusing on and they don’t know anything else to associate you with yet. Own it and talk positively about school or change the subject.

Going for a degree is a big task and they are probably rooting for you. Maybe everyone would love to celebrate and congratulate you when you’re done. Have a party when the time comes! Then start a new chapter in your life.