Remember most talk show host's roots: usually it's comedy.
remember that comedians are usually crass and thrive on making people laugh at uncomfortable situations.
I think Ellen "the Show" has gotten larger than life for Ellen herself. Yes, she has a private life, BUT she has spent decades in front of an audience, crafting its response. Numerous tabloids have blabbed about her love life - or lack of it, as her partner/s explained that she is a serious workaholic. Like, not showing up for meaningful social family occasions because she was working. Truly that shows how addictive it is to be a celebrity who feels in control of their narrative!!!
the double-edge of this celebrity sword is that oftentimes, someone else grabs the story and runs with it. that's probably why the elitist behaviour of "don't look at them, don't smile, etc." started. if they don't acknowledge your existence, they aren't interacting with you, which gives you (or the paparazzi watching) the opportunity to find anything to criticize about them. if everyone knows that Spielberg doesn't want to be told "Good morning sir!" then you never hear about how he was a rude jerk to the assistant sandwich wrangler.
Celebrities who are approachable, who don't snub child fans, who don't rant and rave about their needs in the dressing room, etc. are very far and few between. They are out there, but it's rude to harass them if they are doing normal everyday things - jogging, coffee, etc. Most know that if they encouraged the interaction, it would have no end and so they have to have managers arrange their lives. Like Angelina Jolie can't even eat in a restaurant - she has said that she has to have the whole venue reserved, because otherwise the staff at the restaurant cannot run the place while 34 paparazzi are trying to climb in the bathroom window to get access, and thousands of fans are gawking at the window. Daniel Craig has said he now despises being James Bond... he longs to go for a beer at a pub like a normal British man.
At some level I feel a moment of empathy for Ellen - no matter which way she goes, the drama will follow her. will she be able to gracefully step away from the limelight in retirement, and have a beautiful, quiet life at her home in LA? Or is she going to work work work work until she starts having burnout, loses her filter and unleashes upon the world and goes the way of Roseanne?