Help some first time parents: what do you wish you knew then?

[scrhsa]

Here's what I wish I would have done...

Get a notebook. Take notes of things you want to remember. This isn't so much the "first haircut", "first steps", "first doctor's appointment" type of thing but you can include that if you want. It's the "I carried you around on a pillow for three days because I was afraid I was going to drop you." The "I remember your laugh when I chased you on the floor when you were two." The "Your look of wonderment when you stepped into the MK for the first time at age 4." "Your mom and I were so worried when you went to Kindergarten, we followed the bus to school and waited until you got in the school."

These are all true stories BTW.

I have a spiral for each of my dds. Unfortunately, there is less and less written as each kid came along. My poor youngest only has barely a 1/3 of her book written in. My oldest's book is full up, the middle one's is about 1/2 full

So, if you do it, keep writting!!!!!

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

I have a spiral for each of my dds. Unfortunately, there is less and less written as each kid came along. My poor youngest only has barely a 1/3 of her book written in. My oldest's book is full up, the middle one's is about 1/2 full

So, if you do it, keep writting!!!!!

I got a baby calendar for each of my children's first year of life. It was so much easier to just go to that wall calendar and jot down whatever they did or said on that day than it was to sit down and fill out a baby book. They also came with stickers you could use as well like "baby's first tooth", "first haircut", etc. Those calendars are a hoot to look back through.

 

[msjprincess]

I'll repeat many of the things already posted.

Let them get used to noise while napping. With my older 2 I had them nap in bassinets in the living room so they got used to everyday noises. With my third I had to put her in her crib with the door closed becuase I had a 1 1/2yo that would poke at her while she was napping. The older 2 could sleep through anything. The youngest needed quiet and woke up if you flushed the toilet during the night.

There a re a few things that I did with my first that I changed with the younger two. I rotated blankets and stuffed animals so they didn't get too attached to one thing. My oldest became attached to a blanket and it was a nightmare if he didn't have it.

I bottle fed. With the oldest I heated the bottles. That was a pain when we were out in public and the bottle wasn't warm enough for his taste. With the younger two I gave them room temperature bottles, easy peasy.

I fed on demand with my second and third. I know that doesn't work for everyone though.

 

[Minnesota!]

I always tell new parents - ignore the book...do what works for your family. We got so much advice...we were one of the last to have kids. I ignored all of it - I did what felt right. Which was bottle feeding, co-sleeping, selective vacs, not crying it out, feed on demand, pacifiers, travel while they are young, feed them what we eat, and make lots of noise.

My kids are as different from each other as you can get - but they are amazing. It takes a lot of stress off when you do you, vs. "them" (the people who give you advice).

I miss cosleeping, TBH. It was the best sleep I ever got.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Just wanted to stop, Faith, to wish you and your hubby congratulations and best wishes. Welcome to the world for your little son. Wonderful news!!

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Take it 2 weeks at a time. Children grow and change so quickly, that the challenges you face today will be replaced in 2 weeks by new challenges.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I didn't read through them all, and I bet I say a lot of the same things!

1. You will not always LIKE your child. You will ALWAYS love them. It's OK to have the urge to want to get away from them. If you take a break and NOT want to go back, then you have a problem lol
2. DO NOT compare your child to everyone else's, but it is perfectly OK to observe where other kids are at who are around the same age so you understand where your child's range should fall. Just like nobody else's kid is perfect, neither is yours. Remember that.
3. Same with the parents - my least favorite part of parenting over these 17 1/2 years is dealing with other parents. On the flip side, I'm sure I haven't been a joy to be around all the time either. Be mindful
4. We made the decision early on that the PARENTS (DH and I) get to dictate the baby's schedule, not the other way around. Naps, bedtime, eating schedule, etc varies according to what we had going on that day. We were not going to be the parents who had to leave somewhere so our little precious could be in his own bed by 7:03pm on the dot every night. Life varies, so our kids would learn to be flexible, too!
5. Discipline means to "teach and guide", so we started to discipline the FIRST TIME the baby went after the electric cords or the window blinds, etc. We set them up to succeed - redirect, then fix the problem if it was really a danger. But we didn't "babyproof" our house like Fort Knox - we taught the kids what was appropriate and what wasn't. A gate at the top of the stairs, a lock on the chemical cabinet, and common sense was all it took.
6. Nobody likes to hear a baby's ear-piercing scream. Not even if it's joyful. Teach volume control early.
7. Once your child starts eating food, remember that a toddler's stomach is as big as their fist. A couple bites of chicken, 5 peas, and a spoonful or two of rice will fill them up quickly. Most parents overload their kid's plate, then fight with them with the dreaded "2 more bites" game. It's a meal, not a battle! Don't make it one.

 

[NAB]

When they do finally eat solids they don't have to eat a whole chicken breast or huge amounts. They are little after all. I see this all the time parents fighting for there kids to eat all that is on the plate. They know when they are full. If they don't like something try again later their taste change as time goes by too.

 

[monorailsilver]

You will eventually sleep then the night and when you do you will feel more tired then when you woke up 3-4 times a night!

Keep a package of diapers and wipes in the car and refill as needed. By kid #3, there was no diaper bag. A few diapers went In the bottom of the stroller and the wipes followed in a zip lock bag.

Co sleeping is ok, well more then OK it is just magical. My kids would start out in their crib but would end up in our bed at some point...hmm...maybe because the kitchen/cook (aka me) was so tired after cooking and feeding that meal.

It’s ok if you have cereal for dinner.

Every kid is different, there is no wrong way, well except if you are willingly doing harm!

Juice, I thought my oldest needed juice, it was advertised, so she got juice. That was short lived. She does still love apple juice to this day and my other 2 don’t!

If I could do it over I would of made my own baby food.

You can never hold a baby too much.

Naps on your chest are also magical.

I have never let my babies cry it out, ok I tried once which ended up with puke all over so if they cry they get picked up. Guess what they all sleep thru the night and in their own beds!

Baby magic yellow bottle...baby heaven scent...ok just reminiscing!

Once they get bigger, let them play alone. They don’t need constant 1:1, it is good for them to learn independence.

Hide the Vaseline, nope never had any on walls! Same lines, hide the tub of foam shapes. My oldest dumped that compressed tub out. I had baby triangles, circles and squares everywhere!

Take foot/hand prints.

Enjoy, they grow too fast!

 

[1Mouse2RulethemAll]

1. You don't need a lot of stuff for baby when you leave the house for in town errands. A couple of diapers, some wipes in a Ziploc, a change of clothes, bottle.

2. The baby will not need a ton of clothes for a few months. My last child only had 10 whites tees and pairs of socks for the first 5 months.

3. If poop is leaking from the diaper, it is time to go up in size.

 

[WDWJDS]

Even though you have heard differently from dozens of posters, it’s not always difficult! There are new parents (yes even breastfeeders) that do get enough sleep. Breastfeeding isn’t always hard and yup, you can have a newborn, breastfeed, take daily showers and do other things like housework or shopping. So if your life is like this, that is normal as well.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I thought of another one (as your baby gets a little older). - If something really drives you nuts (like a loud toy or décor item the little one won't leave alone) it's OK to make it disappear! Don't feel like you're depriving you kid by considering the feelings/mood of everyone in the family.

This goes for activities, too - don't let something become a routine if it's too expensive or makes you miserable. I learned to be really careful with DS because he would latch onto things before I realized I didn't want to do it that way every time.

 

[mjkacmom]

Even though you have heard differently from dozens of posters, it’s not always difficult! There are new parents (yes even breastfeeders) that do get enough sleep. Breastfeeding isn’t always hard and yup, you can have a newborn, breastfeed, take daily showers and do other things like housework or shopping. So if your life is like this, that is normal as well.

Something I learned from babies other than my first, there is no reason you can’t take a shower. Try when the baby is sleeping, but if the baby is crying when you are finishing up, it’s FINE. You feel so much better after a shower.

 

[Owlpost23]

YES! My DDs favorite was a Goodnight, Moon bunny. She once lost it at the grocery store, but fortunately, it was turned in. However, after that, whenever I could, I purchased an extra one. She's 18 and still have one of the originals in a bag (it's head is falling off, but I can't bring myself to get rid of it). I also just found one of the spares.

That was our daughter's lovey! Lost one,then got smart and bought a few.She still has Bun and Back up Bun.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I think the quote "The days are long but the years are short" can be one of the truest things spoken. When you are in the thick of a difficult phase (i.e. baby not sleeping through the night, teething, etc.) it seems like the days can be very long and hard. (But worth it-absolutely worth it!) But then after that time passes, you look back and can't believe that time is gone-and often times you miss it. Then you blink again and suddenly they are all grown up.

I would also encourage you to write stuff down. There are so many things that I thought that there was no way I would ever forget and then my parents bring up a memory that I don't remember at all. So write down the big things, but also the little things. Things that made you smile, things they say-mispronounication and all, things that made you stop and think, and the special moments that made your day.

The advice on this thread is great. Congratulations!

This is all so true! I remember when my oldest was about 6, he was in the downstairs bedroom while the rest of us were upstairs. It was late one night, I was already upstairs and realized I hadn't checked on him like I usually did. I thought to myself, he is totally fine....no need to check on a 6 year old! Then I realized how fast 6 years went by already, and there would be a day where he would be off at college and I would wish he was only 30 feet away if I wanted to see him.

With only 7 short months left now until he DOES leave for college, I am soaking in every second while I still have him! That night was almost 12 years ago, and it seems like yesterday. Those little mundane tasks like tucking your little one in or kissing them goodnight turn into precious moments once you know there are only so many left.

 

[aprilgail]

Here's what I wish I would have done...

Get a notebook. Take notes of things you want to remember. This isn't so much the "first haircut", "first steps", "first doctor's appointment" type of thing but you can include that if you want. It's the "I carried you around on a pillow for three days because I was afraid I was going to drop you." The "I remember your laugh when I chased you on the floor when you were two." The "Your look of wonderment when you stepped into the MK for the first time at age 4." "Your mom and I were so worried when you went to Kindergarten, we followed the bus to school and waited until you got in the school."

These are all true stories BTW.

What I did was every night or 2 I would sit down at the computer and write about what we did that day- I would print them out every so often and file them in the safe. She got such a kick out of reading those as she got older!

Also never ever ever buckle your child into a car seat while they are wearing a heavy winter coat- take the coat off and put it over them after you buckle them in!!

 

[neverlandsky]

The luvs commercials of the differences between 1st kid and 2nd kid, I always LOL at because it's so darn true. Have a date night at least once a month. It's something that we've done since the kids were born. They are now teenagers. Also when you & partner are home together you both are #1 & kids are #2.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I had our baby boy a little over 2 weeks ago. It has been absolutely wonderful but certainly an adjustment! We are settling in as best we can and are lucky to have family nearby. I know the DIS is a wealth of info and we are looking for any tips, tricks, and wise words from veteran parents about surviving this first year and all that comes with it.

So, help some sleepy parents out... what do you wish you knew as a first time parent?

Financial, buy life insurance outside of your work & start a savings system for college for your new baby boy.

Get yourself a calendar. Write something everyday! Include...

1) The "FIRSTS" like rolling over, sitting up, babbling, talking, first steps, etc.
2) Write down every doctor's appt., weights, height, etc on the calendar.
3) Write down illnesses, every sniffle.
4) Write your stuff in there as well.

Take this with you to appts. It will make your life so much easier.

I have saved almost ALL my calendars and my oldest is 26. I can pull out a calendar if they want to know stuff. I highly recommend it! I can't remember dates too well. I have a record of my life too.

 

[wgeo]

Have 2 kids - the first had cholic and we were soooooo overwhelmed.

What I "should" have learned from him was that it was "not" a personal failure when something went wrong. Parenting is hard and all I needed to do was to do the best I could at any given moment and accept that. Also - accept help. For the love of God, when some person says "hey I'll watch junior for a few hours if you want" DONT say "no I'm just fine" in some attempt to seem like you've got it all under control. Instead say "awesome - thanks, how about on Tuesday?" Accept help, accept every over someone gives - it doesn't mean you're a bad parent, it means you're a smart parent and every chance you have to get your life back together in these first few months helps out a lot in the in the long run.

For the second kid, I actually took the time to read a book that someone had given to me for the first kid - Secrets of the Baby Whisperer - and it was a life changer. I have no idea if I just got lucky with my second child or if the book made all the difference, but holy cow. First kid - we were going thru the "cry it out" thing forever and it was torture. Second kid slept.thru.the.night by 3 weeks old. I srsly think that book was a huge help.

But most of all - know that the only thing that matters in the end is that you love your kid. Every single ridiculous thing that you go through with them is a phase. Every single thing. And in the end - they won't remember all those phases - what they'll remember is that you loved them.